How to Tell When You're Not Actually Awesome

Waaaaaaaaa! Did you watch, or did you forget that Survivor was on a "special" night? Well, I am here to save you if you missed it. It was a good one!!

It started off with a little discussion between Boston Rob & Russell. Russell tries to "just get along" with BR... but we all know that he doesn't really want to get along, he just wants BR to THINK that he wants to get along. BR has none of it - tells Russell to watch his back because "people" are miffed that he went off looking for the idol (which itself is stupid, but that's for another discussion.) So Russell says, "No, YOU better watch YOUR back." Then Rob walks off with this.... "Good talk, Russell." Hee.

Then the big news. When they arrive at the challenge, Jeff informs the teams that BOTH of them will be going to Tribal Council to vote someone off. BOTH teams would have the opportunity to have someone win individual immunity. And the two winners of individual immunity would go head-to-head to see which team would get to win reward - hot dogs (also known as "haw-dogs" in my house) and the chance to listen in on the other team's Tribal Council. FUN!

The Heroes go first. Candice wins immunity! And good thing for her, because it doesn't look good for her. No one trusts her. But she's wiry and strong in a challenge that had them going up and over and around and through and obstacle course where they're attached to a rope & they have to follow the rope (remember that one?) James did OK considering he's A) Big and B) got a bum knee. But he made sure to point out that Colby was beaten by "a cripple and a fat dude" (Rupert. Heh.). Poor Colby. More on that later.

A pretty good race for the Villains. Boston Rob won it. Were you happy to see BR win? I was. I'm pulling for Boston Rob. Yeah, I've also got him in the pool, but still. Then Rob went up against Candice and won, though to her credit, Candice wasn't that far behind. So the Villains would have to go to Tribal first, vote someone out, then get haw-dogs.

So this is the big story. I'm going to lay it out for you in point form.

• Everyone knows Russell has the hidden immunity idol.
• Russell knows everyone knows he has the idol.
• Russell figures that everyone will vote for Parvati
• Russell tells Parvati & Danielle that he'll give Parvati the idol.
• The other 6 devise a clever scheme where they will split the vote between Russell & Parvati, 3 votes each.
• That would force a tie, and a re-vote, where the idol could no longer be used.
• Then, all 6 would vote out Parvati, stupid laugh and all.
• Brilliant, right?
• Almost.
• Russell pulls Tyson aside and says he's sick of Parvati & is going to vote for her.
• Tyson BELIEVES Russell.
• Tyson, who had just said that the plan "isn't rocket science" and should work.... figures he might change his vote to Parvati.
• Why? Why? Why? Ugh.
• True to his word, Russell goes to play the idol, then gives it up to Parvati
• When he does this, he makes a big deal about how he's honouring his word, blah blah blah, clearly playing right to the Dragonslayer, who surely ate it right up.
• Parvati made a big deal about it and made me want to punch her in the face. "Oh, me? Oh, thank you Russell. What a gentleman!" Barf.
• And yes, Tyson switched his vote.
• This is because he is stupid.
• So instead of a re-vote, it was Tyson who went home, thanks to only 3 votes from Russell, Parvati and Boobs McGee.... errr... Danielle.
• Tyson, in his last words admits that it's his own fault that he's going home, but asserts that he's "still awesome." No. You're not. If you were awesome, you wouldn't have been so stupid.
• Say it with me and then sigh. STUPID! Sigh....

Right, so then on to the dogs (made me want one.... Yum.) And then listening to the Heroes' Tribal Council. Again, James with the meanness. Now Colby is the victim. On and on about how Colby can't win anything and his muscles are gone and he's like Superman in a fat-suit.... To which Colby replies something like, "Well it's harder being me and not winning anything..." Backing it up a bit, Colby had earlier told his team that they should just have a nice day, he knew he was going home, so why bother scrambling, let's just get along. Meanwhile, the team contemplated keeping the crippled James. So Amanda tells him he has to prove to the team that he's ok. So, he has a race with JT. JT wins. Amanda also informs James of the "banana etiquette" where he should offer the rest of the team bananas if he's having one (or four.) Hee. As you'd figure, James has no idea he's eating WAY more than the rest of the team.... I tells ya, this sh*t is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Hee. (have been waiting a long time to use that one.)

So, back to Tribal Council... it was James who got voted out. Colby = very surprised. And again, I wanted to punch Amanda in the face. The sad puppy eyes make me nuts. Stop it. And then her love fest with James when he got up to go made me just about hurl. Good riddance, I say. Mean people, even though they look nice in canola oil, should just not get to win a million dollars.

I personally hope for a Rob vs. Russell final two. Wouldn't that be fun?

Outwit, Outlast, Out (Silver) Foxed!

OK, where to start? Loads of funny things to discuss from last night's episode. Hmmm.... let's start with who's getting really, really annoying. Well, that's pretty much the entire Heroes team, right? I mean really... James is just mean. He's great to look at, especially when he's all coated in margarine, but he's mean. So he blows out his knee in the reward challenge, which by the way, was awesome.... not the knee-blowing, but the challenge. They had to scramble in a pit for a ball, leading to tackling and wrestling naturally... then pass the ball to their teammates on a platform, who would then try to get the ball into a tiny basket. Sorta basketball meets football meets rugby meets UFC. James knee went sideways, he had to leave the challenge. Rupert pulled a caveman maneuvre and threw Jerri into the boards face first, then says "Are you OK? I totally didn't mean to do that." Right. Then Jerri won the challenge! Laaaaaa! So fun.

Bringing me to my next most annoying.... Rupert. Do you agree with me yet? He's not the lovable tie-dyed doofus.... he's just a doofus. With some issues to work out.

Next most annoying hero.... Colby. So the reward challenge was a feast of chocolate - not at all for the lactose intolerant. So Jeff brings out a little plate of TINY bits of chocolate to taste before the challenge. Yay, right? Jerri just about explodes with happiness right there. But nope, Colby won't even taste it. Jeff: "You won't even tast it?" Colby: "Nope, let's get to the challenge." Jeff: "We'll get to the challenge when I'm good and ready." Ooooooooh. Snap. THEN, the best part of it all, Jeff asks who's going to sit out for the challenge. It's COLBY! So why can't you taste the chocolate again? Sigh.... Colby needs to lose a bit of the "intensity" because we'll all start liking him a little more for it. Also, said intensity isn't really helping win the challenges, is it? Nope.

So with James all getting checked out by the medics, his team wasn't sure if he'd make it back. Of course they don't want to lose him... especially our next (and possibly MOST) annoying Survivor, Amanda. She can't stop it with the puppy-dog sad face. It's like we've all gone for a car-ride and left her at home in the window. She was crying and whimpering that maybe James wouldn't come back and she wouldn't know what to do. She needs Boston Rob to tell her to Man Up. I mean, even Parvati wouldn't sink so low. Ugh. When James did come back, she ran to him down the beach. Say it with me.... "Ugh".....

Meanwhile, at the less annoying and more amusing Villains camp, the whole team tried Coach's "you-can't-even-google-it" tai chi craziness. They played along and it was funny to watch Sandra and Courtney try to not giggle... I mean, they have a lot of time to kill out there, you'd probably give it a try too. Well, unless you're Russell. Russell, instead of playing along, went looking for the immunity idol. And he found it of course. King Russell is forgetting that there's a social aspect to the game and that by not playing nice with his tribe, he's completely alienating himself. Now, he goes and tells Parvati of course that he found it. She assures him, "I'm not riding anyone's coattails." Riiiiiiiight. Then he brilliantly tells Coach, who will fall for ANYTHING if you stroke his ego. Russell actually "knighted" Coach, who bent down in front of Russell on one knee. Seriously, dude, that's sad. Coach is not on Survivor to win a million bucks. Coach is on Survivor to be liked. Somebody like me, PLEASE!!! Pathetic.

Next week Boston Rob & Russell are going to have a contest to see who can pee further. Well, not exactly, but you get it. It's a showdown and there can only be one alpha dog. (Lots of dog references today, non?) It'll be great & I sorta hope Boston Rob comes out on top, if only to see Parvati make a sad face and have to find somebody else's coattails... er... make a new alliance.

As soon as I saw that the immunity challenge involved a puzzle I thought, Oh dear, the Heroes are screwed. And true to form, they started off with a good lead, then lost it in the puzzle. Hee. The first part of the challenge involved the team being blindfolded and led to puzzle pieces by a caller. Always funny to see poor, blindfolded people running into stuff, but loved Boston Rob running around with his hands protecting his manhood - don't forget, he'll do anything for Ambah. Hee.

So the vote depended on JT. He could vote off James - the obvious choice in a lot of ways. James has a busted knee and will be reasonably useless in challenges. Plus he's mean. But JT made an early pact with James & Amanda and since he voted against them last time figured he'd better vote with 'em this time (and all the flip-flopping is getting annoying, right?) So it was time to say goodbye to the Silver Fox, Tom Westman. As much as I find Tom one of the least annoying of the Heroes (which is probably what did him in), it was time for him to go. He's already won a million bucks and it's about time they start sending home the former winners.

Coach Mans Up, The Silver Fox Strikes Again, And James is Buttered Up

I watched Survivor super late last night. Had a friend over for dinner, so had to watch Survivor at like, 11:30. Darn socializing getting in the way of my TV watching. So hopefully I can remember a little of what happened.

Coach started the show off by blubbering to Tyson about something that Sandra said at the Tribal Council... "I did noble things out here and I look ignoble." Really? What has he done that's noble, first of all? And ignoble? Not exactly. Tyson tells him straight up that people mock him about his tai chi, and his stories ("Whaaaaaaaat? No one believes my stories?") and that maybe he should keep that stuff down to a dull roar. The next morning, Coach decides to quit being such a baby after a pep talk from Boston Rob who tells him to man up. Hee. Back to his true self, he tells us that he is one of a kind.... "King Arthur. Last of the Mohicans." Riiiiiiight.

PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALERT. The reward is some stuff from Sears. I'm not a big fan of the whole shopping from Sears while in the middle of the South Pacific....ummm... "surviving" but hey, a show's gotta make some money somehow, right?

The reward challenge was awesome. The teams must throw themselves down a banana slide covered in canola oil to get a ball to throw in a basket. Fun! I was told I could quote poolster Lori who said that "James should pretty much be oiled up all the time." Thoughts? Anyway, the villains won and got some sort of fishing gear or something.... (I think they should have gotten a sports bra for Danielle, but that's just me.)

Both teams find a note saying there's an immunity idol at their camps. Russell of course goes off to find it immediately, making himself immediately targeted by B.Rob and Sandra who for some reason figure people shouldn't look for the idol? B.Rob says "Russell is like the Hobbit on crack...." which is pretty funny. Tom finds the idol at the Heroes camp & Amanda sees him stuff it into his sock, so of course tells everyone that he has it. Of course he found it! He's the Silver Fox!! As if he wouldn't find it.

Boston Rob kicked butt at the immunity challenge and the villains won again. Everyone knows Tom has the idol, so they figure they should vote half-half for Tom & Colby & that way one of them will go. Tom, meanwhile, tries to convince JT & Amanda that he'll give them the idol if they need it... and JT figures maybe Candice should get voted out. Amanda goes and blabs again to Cirie about the plan to oust Candice & Cirie (rightfully) throws a fit at Amanda, which is overheard by JT. Following? At Tribal Council Rupert tells Jeff that he'd rather keep his word than vote out someone he thinks SHOULD be voted out (whaaaaaat?) which pretty much makes Jeff want to send Rupert home on the spot. (Well, OK... I don't know that, but I think that's what I would think if I were Jeff.) The Silver Fox plays the immunity idol (clever, right? Now he doesn't have to keep his word to Amanda & JT....) and so the votes for Tom don't count. Presumably there were 3 votes for Tom and supposed to be 3 votes for Colby.... but JT switched his vote and went for Cirie with Tom & Colby. Hee. Brilliant move, because Cirie is brilliant... just not brilliant enough to know when someone's lurking in the bushes.

Hey, and you know what's interesting? No one who's won the million dollars has been voted out yet. What's up with that? Next week it looks like Russell's in trouble... which makes me think they want me to think that... so he's probably not.