The Finale! "Good" vs. "Evil"? Really?

Sorry I'm a bit late with the finale blog. Not to trouble you with my troubles but I broke my foot on Sunday - chipped it really. So, I did make it home to watch Survivor, but spent a lot of yesterday in the clinic getting X-rays, etc. Ay-yi! I must be medically evacuated from the island.

So what did you think? Did you love it? People are really in two camps on this one. Some love the fact that Natalie won (ummm... especially if you had her in the pool) while some (me) are sad that Russell didn't win. I mean, yeah, he was a bit of a jerk. I really couldn't handle the way he was talking to Mick and Natalie at the end and the cockiness of his attitude. So in a way I guess it's karma for not being just a little more humble. I also think he should have been able to talk more at the last tribal council, because I believe if he really would have pushed his case he could have won it. He was right - neither Natalie or Mick outplayed or outwitted him.

So what else... I'm assuming you probably don't need a play-by-play, but in case you missed it, Jaison got voted out first because the muppet won immunity again! Jaison was mighty ticked off about it too. And it showed in the final tribal when he made a point to tell the jury exactly how much money each finalist actually had. Oh no he didn't! Yes. He did.

So then it was down to Russell vs. Brett in this challenge where you had to balance a figurine on the top of a long pole. Russell won it, Muppet was gone. Really, for a while I thought the Muppet was going to take it & that they'd edited it that way (him not speaking) on purpose to make us not suspect anything was up. Nope. He really was just that uninteresting. Notice that for a t-shirt designer, he only had ONE t-shirt design? Good luck with that.

So down to Russell, Natalie & Mick. We knew Mick was a non-issue. He didn't even have anything good to say in the final tribal council except that he was the more 'moral' player vs. Russell. Please. At least entertain us, Mick. Russell, as I mentioned earlier, had good & valid points but really didn't get to make them as most questions were directed to Mick & Natalie. Natalie played the cute, nice, humble, moral, "under-the-radar" card and told everyone that her strategy from the start was to pick the strongest player & stick with him. Good point. That she knew going in she wasn't the strongest at challenges, etc., so she'd better have a good alliance. Good point. That she saw the girls who played the stronger, more agressive game get voted out quickly. Good point. She also took credit for some of Russell's strategy ("We planned things together as a team.") Well played. And the whole time she smiled and did this little shoulder shrug thing like, "Well, I'm doing my best, but I still want you to like me." It worked.

Also, I have to say that Erik may have helped win it for Natalie for his speech. He was the last one to ask a question and really let Russell have it for not playing nice. Now, I like Erik as much as the next person (except for poolsters Craig & Kylie, who REALLY like Erik...) but honestly, where on earth does it say in the rules that you have to play all morally and stuff? The game is called SURVIVOR. It is not called SURVIVOR (WITH INTEGRITY). It is not called Moral Superiority. Russell played the best game in history. I personally believe he's not a bad guy - that he probably is great to his family & friends and I'd love to have a beer with him. Apparently no one else on the jury could appreciate that you can be a different person on and off the show. And I wonder how many of them were exactly as they are outside the game. Bleh.

So on the Reunion Show, Russell asked Natalie to ask Jeff if he could pay her $10,000 (or was it $100,000?) for the TITLE of "Sole Survivor".... which is funny, because he... ummm... wasn't. Natalie wouldn't budge (fair enough) but Jeff really wanted to give it to him. Jeff is a Russell fan. But I also agree with poolster Kylie, who says that Jeff should stop calling him "Evil Russell". I liked that Russelll won the $100,000 fan favourite award as a bit of redemption. I love that Shambo says she has to go through back doors to avoid the throngs of fans. Hee. AND that she still has the hair-do. I loved that this season had no romance. I loved hearing Master T-Russell talk again (he's got the craziest cartoon voice!) I still did not love Ben. I still did not love Yasmin. I loved that Shambo & Laura admitted they have forgiven each other, but aren't going to be buddies any time soon. I still think Monica & Kelly & Ashley are dumb (and that aside from Natalie - Russell's "dumass girl alliance" was pretty on point.) I thought that Mike was an ass for saying he was proud he didn't cry (referring to Master T) when he got medically evacuated. Jerk. I hate that they didn't talk to Liz at all. And Dave Ball could have been more entertaining for sure.

Finally, I am pretty sure I'm excited for next season. In case you missed it, it's Villains vs. Heroes. Part of me hates these ones because I really like getting an entirely new cast of characters. Russell was cool because only we knew his plan. Now everyone will know his plan - and believe you me, Russell will be back for the next season. And I'm quite certain Coach will be back (!!!!!) as what - a hero? I'm sure. (*Wretch*) Who else do you think? Johnny Fairplay? Wasn't he already back for a 2nd time? Will they let Richard Hatch play again? Anyways, can't wait to see who they pick and all in all, I think it's a pretty clever premise given the polarity of opinion on Russell vs. Natalie. I vote villains. You?

Anyways, thanks to y'all for reading this nonsense and for telling me you've been enjoying it. I do love it. It wasn't quite the same this time out without my dad, Al, in the pool. He was truly the one who enjoyed reading this the most & I'll miss his comments the most too. Oh, and congrats to those of you who won some money! Merry Christmas!

On the Eighth Day, God Created Muppets and Said, "Watch Out, For They Will Be Sneaky."

So some fundamental truths about the universe were revealed on last night's Survivor. First, that there ARE indeed mysterious things hidden in Shambo's hair (Russell: "She's got bits of chicken and coconut and who knows what else up there...") and second, that muppets are very, very sneaky. It's the shifty eyes that are little black dots.... you can't trust 'em.

So back to Shambo's hair for a minute. The show started off with the Muppet giving Shambo a scalp massage. 'Kay. Was anyone else totally grossed out by that, or was it just me? I'm with Russell - I think there are scary things hidden in there. Plus, they have been there for like, 33 days or something without showers & shampoo. Ew, right? So, because I think muppets are sneaky, I believe Brett was actually looking for hidden treasure, or a clue to the game, or maybe some food. Plus, he's sticking with his 'be nice to everybody' plan of action. Also re: Hair. Did you love Jeff Probst asking Shambo how long she's had that hairstyle? Hee. "Since 1986," she says proudly. "That's commitment," says Jeff. Hee.

Seriously, if the muppet gets to the end, he will win this thing. The guy who didn't say ANYTHING until episode 12!! Did they edit it that way just to throw us off? Make us think, nooooo, there's no way THAT guy would win. He might win. And use his million dollars to design more crappy t-shirts... or perhaps further world muppet-domination.

Sorry, I digress. I'm seriously worried that he'll beat my Russell. I called it ages ago that Russell would win and I don't like to be proved wrong... it's keeping me up nights.

In the reward challenge, some eyebrows were raised when Natalie picked the muppet first for her team. They're cozy, she likes him, he quotes the Bible to her... but she's sticking with Russell. She's smart & wants that million bucks. During the challenge, Natalie made her team (Muppet & Mick) hold hands as "prayer warriors" so that God might guide their hands to win reward. Ummm.... I think God's got bigger fish to fry, Natalie. Just sayin'. And as it turned out, God was indeed too busy with the war in Iraq to help her team. Russell, Jaison & Shambo won a day out with the locals. It was kinda touching when Shambo made a toast to the locals thanking them for putting on such a good feast. Not embarassing like I thought it would be. Sometimes, she's OK.... and truly I liked Shambo so much more than any of those other girls (Laura, Monica, Kelly....)

Then the Muppet won immunity. Gah! How does that happen? Come ON Foa Foa Four! Seriously. So they told Shambo the plan was to vote for Mick. They told Mick the plan was to vote for Shambo. And even though the clever editors made it look like there might be some thinking to be done, there wasn't. Those 4 are tight. Shambo was next to go. True, it would be better to take Shambo to the final, but no one wants to be the jerk to go against his/her word on their tight alliance. Those guys can't afford any more votes against on the jury.

Speaking of the jury, if you haven't been watching Ponderosa, you MUST do it. Every time someone is voted out to the jury, there is a video posted of their first few days at Ponderosa, which is the place they get to stay. If you're a Survivor junkie, it's a cool insight into how the game works on the other side (like they have to wear these black hooded cloaks when they get voted off until they get to Ponderosa to prevent spoilers) and also, there's just some extra gold going on over there. If you watch anything, watch Dave Ball's vids. Very funny stuff. (Go to the Survivor CBS website, and go to videos, find the ones marked Ponderosa.)

One more day! GAH! Don't forget to watch on SUNDAY! Will it be Russell or the Muppet? How am I going to sleep until then?

Dave Ball! Gets Outwitted By a Muppet

Soooooooooo goooooooood!

If you missed it, there were TWO people voted off last night. Not at once, but like they squished two episodes together. No reward challenge, just immunity challenges and vote, vote. Someone said something about the 'family' episode... which MUST be coming up next. They always have the family members come out & make everyone cry. It should be next. Will Russell cry? I think no.... You?

In the meantime... Jaison won the first immunity challenge (bowling...) Shambo could not hide her glee when Dave Ball! didn't win. And she didn't hold a grudge vs. Russell for last week's Shambo/John blindside. BUT, she wanted Dave Ball! gone now. It looked for a bit like Russell was thinking of voting off Shambo instead, but it was just a ploy to make Dave Ball! feel better. Even Monica & Brett (who?) voted for him.

Monica tried her best to get under Russell's skin. It worked for a bit - Russell found out that someone had told the others that he's a millionaire & got mad at Natalie, then Jaison (it was indeed Jaison who told - remember?) But not to worry - they kept with the original plan.

I have to say I'm going to miss Dave. Well, not really exactly. I'm going to miss Jeff calling him Dave Ball! (Did any of you ever watch Arrested Development? Reminds me of Steve Holt. Right? Hee. Steve Holt!) And truly, for the guy who's supposed to be the smartest guy ever on Survivor (IQ-wise), he wasn't a very smart player. And what the what was with Dave Ball!'s hairdo when he showed up on the jury?? Wow, that was some serious Herbal Essence a la Kim Mitchell. Yowza. And poolster Lori thought he was wearing a skirt (sarong?), though I missed it. Oh Dave Ball! you are quite the earth mother.

So then there was another immunity challenge and Brett won it! Crazy - the dude finally did something!! And just in time, 'cause he would have been next otherwise. Have decided Brett may really be a muppet. Take a closer look next time. It explains a lot, really. Doesn't talk much... smiles all the time.... designs T-shirts.... seriously.

I had no idea who was going home. It looked like Monica. But there was talk amongst even Jaison & Mick about not entirely trusting Russell. (see: Mick's Russell/Snake analogy from last time.) They show up at Tribal Council and before Jeff can even say anything, Russell takes out the immunity idol & puts it around his neck! Delightful! Wasn't it hard to watch? He's gotten so cocky.... and I thought maybe he'll play it.... I couldn't watch! He didn't play it! And Monica sitting there with that stupid smirk on her face & talking about how she's gotten to Russell and how she'll tell the jury all about him blah, blah, blah. She deserves to get voted out just for the smirk.

So I think if Russell is smart, he'll take Shambo to the final two. Those girls will never vote for Shambo, no matter how they hate Russell. They'd vote for Natalie 'cause she's a girl. They'd vote for Jaison 'cause he's nice. They'd vote for Mick 'cause he's handsome. Brett won't be there probably unless he keeps winning muppet-immunity. Erik, John & Dave Ball! just know they were outplayed, and not by Shambo. The only kink in the plan could seriously come if Russell has to go up against the muppet in final two. That'll be tough. He's Galu with lots of friends on the jury, he's smiling all the time, and he'll likely break into a song in the final tribal council. How do you top that if you're Russell?

The Auction, The Ghost Chicken & How Dave Ball Narrowly Escapes Getting Whacked

Lots to say about last night's episode... Not as good as some of the other blindsides, but still a pretty good one, non? John's face went from pretty confident to eyes looking sideways to mouth wide open. He was pretty shocked. And the beautiful thing was how he still didn't blame Russell for it. Nope. He blamed his Galu tribemates. Heh heh.

What else? Right - it was the Survivor auction. Lovely. Monica ate a whole chicken (making me wonder what eating a whole chicken does to your insides after however many days of eating coconut....) Natalie snapped up a pb&j sandwich, a shower (complete with saxaphone "hubba-hubba" music... Who is editing Survivor this year? It's crazy!)... Mick paid his whole $500 for a burger, fries & a beer. Mind you, it was the biggest burger I think I've ever seen.... John got apple pie and could trade his slice for a whole pie to share between 4 people. He chose HIS OWN slice of pie. Dumb. Why would you possibly not share the pie? Jaison spent his whole $500 on something to help him in the immunity challenge (which he did end up winning - yay!). Smart man. And Russell didn't look like he was even interested in bidding on anything. He is not motivated at all by food or comfort. He's motivated by winning the game... which is kind of the point, right?

Oh yeah, and John got a clue to the hidden immunity idol, which of course Russell already has. So he looks for it, can't find it... and goes to Russell, who finally tells him that yes, he's got it. Poolster Lori hit it on the head when she commented to me today that Russell is like a serial killer.... eventually he needs to tell people how smart he is. Right? He's clever, but he needs peopole to KNOW he's clever. Thankfully he has the cameras, or he'd probably burst at the seams.

But then Russell realizes that John has to go. He knows to much. (See the killer references again?) John is a threat. He's smart (rocket scientist after all) and now he knows about the idol. Meanwhile, Shambo is mad at Dave Ball.

Sidebar - I have been calling him Danger Dave. Dave is not particularly dangerous, but I feel like it's in there somewhere. Perhaps he's got some dangerous yoga moves he's waiting to bust out.... I don't know. But have you noticed that Jeff always calls him Dave Ball? He's one of those guys who suits a first and last name. (There are athletes like this. If you watch hockey, for example, it's just Iginla... but it's always Owen Nolan.... or Luke Schenn. See?)

So Shambo is PMSing (her words, not mine) and she's ticked off at Dave Ball. Dave Ball had the audacity to ask her how she was cooking the soup. (Oh the drama! They killed one of Erik's chickens! Shambo was so sad - she really bonded with the chickens.) Shambo could not let it go. How dare he!

So then Shambo has a dream. And again with the editing. Some staffer at Survivor edits up this lovely dream sequence a la Blair Witch Chicken Project in which the dead chicken seems to visit Shambo to tell her to vote out Dave Ball. Hee. Shambo goes on about how she has these clairvoyant dreams... which pretty much tells us right there that no... Dave Ball will not be voted out because Shambo is full of .... chicken. Correct?

Russell goes to Dave Ball, tells him to vote for John. Dave Ball tells Monica and Brett (who?) to vote for John. Everyone is on board to vote out John instead of Dave Ball except for Shambo who makes up her mind based on emotion and won't change it. Soooo, once again she gets left out of the vote. Jaison points out that maybe that's not a good idea since it's what turned her against Galu in the first place... but we know Russell will sweet talk her and what we know that Jaison misses is that Shambo hated those girls more than anything. Shambo likes Russell, Mick, Natalie and Jaison. No worries.

So John was the choice. John still thought he was voting vs. Mick & that Russell would keep his word. But John doesn't know it was entirely Russell's IDEA to vote him out. And he didn't make any friends with the whole pie thing... and he pissed off Monica by voting off Laura.... and in my opinion, he was off my list on the first day when he swam in his jeans. For that reason alone, John should not win Survivor.

And seriously... how does Brett get this far in the game and on the show without saying anything of interest? How boring can that guy be? I'm starting to obsess over it. It's unhealthy.

Next week it looks like Mick & Jaison start questioning Russell. Mick: "It's like kids playing with a snake and getting bitten. The kids cry and the snake says, "I'm a snake, that's what I do."" Mick gets it. Which means Mick will probably be voted off next.

You probably already know all this, but.....

Sorry for the super late post. I moved. No computer for a whole bunch of days. Well, technically I did have one yesterday, but I spent the day at Home Depot and really didn't have a happy blog in me when I was done. But... I digress.

What you want to know (if you don't already) is what happened on Survivor. It was GREAT. Honestly, it was a bit of a slow start this season, non? I mean, the first episode was good, then a few dull ones, then it's been all awesomeness. If there was an episode awesomeness chart, it would look like the line graph above (see Graph - click on it & you can see it better). Agree?

So that darn Russell was on the team that won reward & got a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Everyone got to see that the idol was hidden under a rock. So they all scatter & look for it - rather, they all follow Russell while he looks for it. Hee. Then Russell loses 'em. Total cop-show-car-chase. And of course, Russell finds the idol. Man, he's clever! This time he doesn't tell the whole world that he's got it though.

Shambo, in a reasonably smart move, told John that she was voting Laura no matter what & put it in John's head that maybe he should consider flipping. Then she told Brett (who?), who looked like a puppy who's just been kicked (oh, that guy). Meanwhile, Jaison & Mick work on Monica saying that she should be the one to flip sides.

Mick won immunity (yay!) and Shambo could not hide her glee. She did a fist pump and said a loud, "Yeah!" when Laura lost, which was in pretty poor form, even if you hate Laura. I'm guessing Shambo's middle name is not Tact.

So, it looked to everyone that it was going to a tie-breaker. How exciting! Five people would vote for Laura and the other five would vote for Natalie. Some of the brainiacs in original team purple thought it would be a great idea to tell yellow that they were voting John. I guess they were trying to make it look like not everyone would vote for a yellow... try to get the votes off Laura and then all of them vote for Natalie... I think it was a stupid plan from the get-go. Russell didn't believe them & went straight to John. John finds out later that his tribe-mates did this & says he wouldn't have minded being included in the discussion. Heh heh. Said something like, "Voting for John isn't the best idea... if you're John." Heh. So essentially, team brainiac - by trying to make it SEEM like they were splintering, actually DID cause some splintering. Nice work guys.

So it was a tie. 5 votes Laura, 5 votes Natalie. Then they have to vote again, this time only for either Laura or Natalie. If that doesn't work, they have to draw rocks. No one (except Danger Dave...'cause he's dangerous, right?) wants to draw rocks. So they re-vote...we're all on the edge of our seats, it's very exciting... and....someone flips. AGAIN, the look on both Erik's and Danger's faces was amazing. Danger's eyes totally bugging out of his head (Dude kills me). Erik cheering away. Hee hee. Surviva-licious. Who flipped? John, of course. Monica's too stupid to vote against Laura & John knew which way the wind was blowing. They don't call it rocket science for nothing, folks. From having all the numbers (I think Erik said it best with "There goes the lead") to being on the wrong side of the numbers.... it's going to be lovely to watch Danger Dave, Monica & Brett start squirming.

Best. Episode. Ever.

I was on the couch clapping my hands and making squealy noises. It was the best episode EVER! You loved it, right? It was the best use EVER of the hidden immunity idol, and one of the best blindsides I've ever seen on this show. Loved it. And frankly, I'm happy to be rid of Kelly. Sorry if you had her in the pool, but she was dead weight. Not at all interesting, nowhere as good as Natalie, and come on... you just figured out who she is recently. Brett? Still no idea. Dude is either a complete "under-the-radar" genius or the most boring player ever to grace the show. Kelly = 2nd most boring. The only thing that saved her was her use of the word "jag-wire."

And back to Natalie. Tiny little blonde, southern belle... hungry.... can barely fill out her bikini (oh no!) and sees a cute little rat. Decides to bash said cute rat in the brains with a big stick. Seriously, most boys wouldn't have done it. But not our Natalie. To her, it looks yummy. She scoops it up with a coconut & hauls it back to camp. Wow. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do it. Even if I could kill it, I'm not sure I'd want to eat it. But eat it they did. "Tastes like chicken," says Natalie. Shudder.

At the reward challenge, one team won a trip to a rock-slide lake & a fried chicken picnic. (heh heh... was it fried chicken? Really? Didn't see many rats around there, did you?) Russell's team did not win. Russell - not that he didn't try to win - didn't care that he didn't win. He saw it as an opportunity to go looking for the hidden immunity idol. Russell has watched the show before. Russell figured that if the idols were gone, there's probably another one kicking around & it's probably at camp. Meanwhile, the winning bunch (John, Kelly, Danger, Monica & another one I can't bother remembering... Laura maybe?) got the first 'clue' to its location. Hee. Before they could even get back & start looking, Russell had it in his hot little mitts. Do you love him? Seriously, you've got to love him. If he doesn't win the whole game, I'll be very sad.

Russell shares the fact that he has the idol with Shambo who for once says something super smart. They make a pact to vote out Laura, but discuss what would happen if Laura won immunity again. Russell is thinking Monica, but Shambo says that the purple boys don't really care for Monica anyways, but Kelly is strong and well-liked - therefore a bigger threat. I didn't know Shambo had any strategizing in her! Way to go!

Of course in the immunity challenge it was Mick and Shambo in the lead with Laura right behind them. There was a puzzle where you had to fit these different shaped blocks into the right hole, which would give you another block, etc, etc. Shambo just could not get it. It was delightful to watch her try while Russell stands there helplessly saying, "Just look at the block. Look at it. Look at the shape, Shambo." Hee hee. Laura won, of course.

So the plan fell into place. The purples would all vote Russell, he'd use the idol and his side would vote for Kelly. He walked by purple at one point though & heard them say Natalie's name & almost doubted his plan. It was pretty exciting because you didn't know.... would he play it? Did the other team know? Were they going to vote for Russell? Gah! I was on the edge of my seat! It was crazy. I was yelling at the TV... "Play the idol, Russell! Play it!" He did. Phew! And did you love Erik sitting in the jury totally cheering on Russell vs. his old teammates? I love when they're all sitting there saying how much better it is without Erik. Dudes, Erik is SITTING RIGHT THERE! He's on the jury. Duh. Might want to be a little more diplomatic. Just sayin'.

The look on Danger Dave's face said it all. Mouth wide open, eyes bugged out of his head. Heh heh. They did not see it coming. And they were so cocky. And now it's 5 on 5. On the previews for next week, the purples are chasing Russell around the forest, not letting him have a free minute to look for the next idol. Hee hee. What do you want to bet he manages to find it anyways. It's probably in Shambo's hair.

Blindside! Yellow team keeps on swinging for the fences.

SUCH a good episode, non? Like, the kind of episode where you think to yourself, "Now THAT is why I watch Survivor!"

OK, so where to start? THE MERGE! I always enjoy when the teams merge and they play all nice with each other for ten minutes while they drink wine and enjoy a lunch... heh heh. Team yellow was trying pretty hard to fit in and be all nicey-nice with team purple. But the beautiful one was Russell. Russell went hard at it. Started with Laura, who he'd made the relationship with previously. Laura tells him how it is, that no, in fact she is the one who holds all the cards. Quite rightly tells him that he can't be the one to decide who goes home & that it would probably be one of his people. Well. That is an attitude you just don't take with Russell. Right away he said, "Laura needs to go be the one to go home." Hee. Love it. I totally thought it would be a Russell-Laura alliance. Nope. They got me. Oh yeah, and I love that Brett's (Who? Right.) entire contribution in NINE episodes has been to come up with the new team name, "Aiga", 'cause our mystery man somehow knows Samoan. Really? Who ARE you? And why should we, at this point, even care?

So Russell starts putting his plan into action. Tells his team to vote for Laura. Starts working the other team. Talks to Shambo, who's totally on board with voting for Laura 'cause they hate each other. Talks to Monica & shows her the idol. No luck there. Goes to John & shows him the idol. John is more receptive & open to the idea of voting for Laura. Likes breaking up the strong girl alliance. Did you love how every time someone asked Russell if they'd seen the idol, he said, "Nobody." Hee. Then he tells us that he's just being like Babe Ruth (appropriate the day after the Yankees won the world series, non?). Tells us that Babe Ruth may have struck out more than any other player, but he also hit more home runs... so Russell figures you've "just got to keep on swinging." So true, Russell, so true!

I love Russell. I have decided that I don't even care about the Katrina story and the burning of the socks. I think he's funny, smart and a brilliant player. Thoughts?

Anyway, I digress. Comes time for the immunity challenge. Turns out that one guy will win and one girl. It's T-ball. (Tee ball? Whatever.) Best part is when Danger Dave comes up to bat & Jeff asks, "Is this your game, Danger Dave?" "No," replies Danger, "it's making love." I just about spit out my drink. The Jeff asks something about whether he gets to play enough & Danger says something like not as much as I'd like. Ha! Anyway, John wins for the men. And yep, we all knew it would happen.... Laura wins for the ladies. Russell's and Shambo's faces just about fall off. Dang it! Now what? GAH!

Russell's thinking Monica & convincing John that he can still split up the girl alliance. John tells Erik. Meanwhile, Erik comes over & tells Natalie, Jaison & Mick that "if they know what's good for them" they'll vote for Monica & not tell Russell. Jaison doesn't like Erik & doesn't like being told what to do. He figures, hey, let's vote for Erik instead & see what happens. Then Natalie (are you following so far?) zips on over to the mean girls (Laura, Monica & Kelly) and tells them that Erik is trying to vote out Monica. Which... delightfully, wasn't even Eriks idea in the first place. Natalie convinces the girls that their side will still have the numbers but they can get rid of a huge threat by getting rid of Erik now. The girls buy in. They tell Shambo that they are planning to vote for Erik. I kid you not... her response, "Erik? Who's Erik? OH. OUR Erik?" Hee hee. Shambo has no clue. And there are SO many wild cards. What will the boys do? Will Erik and/or Russell play their immunity idols? Gah! It's craziness. Even Russell admits it's the first time he's nervous.

At Tribal Council, Erik mouths off to the whole yellow team. Tells Russell he respects how he's playing but that he's desperate (Oh no he didn't!) and then tells Jaison how he's got so much wasted potential. Right, so never mind that he's right (we all think that, non? How Jaison is so smart and so athletic, but can't seem to do anything right....) but Jaison takes it super personal & goes on this rant about how he's had to overcome so much and all the hurdles and the adversity and blah blah blah.... I loved it. Just made Erik madder (is madder a word?) and just made everyone else want to vote Erik off even more. Lovely. And they did! But not before Russell played his idol. On one hand, smart, right? Everyone knew he had it. He didn't have to stick to his "promises" any more to give it to anyone. And the purple team could have easily been gunning for him to force him to play it. Right? On the other hand, and in hindsight, he will sure need that idol in the future and maybe it would have been a good risk? I don't know. I think he was smart to play it when he did... buuuuuut, it looks like next week he's in the doghouse & will need to win some serious immunity. One last thing... the looks on the faces when Jeff read the votes were precious. The smirks on Jaison's and Russell's faces... and the shock on Erik's face. Oh la! Love the blindside!! One more last thing... Erik is the first member of the jury, and note that there will be a lot more purple jurors than yellow ones. Oh yeah, and last-last thing... Shambo was the only one (aside from Erik) who didn't vote for Erik. Even having been TOLD the plan, she did not believe that was actually the plan, and will therefore be cranky next episode that she was again left out of the loop. Way to go, Shambo. Maybe try to learn the names.

People from glass trailer parks should not throw stones.

Team purple needed a leader & they chose Shambo. Hee hee. Now, I missed the lead-up to the vote for Shambo. I was on the phone with our realtor who was talking on and on about what makes a good bourbon. What I do know is that the purple team dudes want Shambo to think she's in control of something and that they think she's important. Smart move. As Danger Dave noted, the only problem could be that, 'she's so dim, she might blow the whole thing if we tell her too much." Hee. And THEN... my favourite quote of the whole show. Kelly. Kelly and the other mean girls (Laura & Monica) are mad, mad, mad that Shambo is leader. Kelly says (and it loses something without the southern accent), "It's like Shambo's from a trailer park and now she drives a JAGWIRE, but she's still from a trailer park." Right. Let's talk about how trailer park it sounds when you can't even pronounce the word 'jaguar'. Honestly, that's one of my hugest pet peeves in life. Jagwire. It's right up there with sam-wich and real-a-tor. Ugh.

So after I stopped shivering from the jagwire comment... there was a reward challenge, which team purple won. Shambo had to pick a person from her team who would stay behind with the other team. She chose Laura. Her reason? Seemed pretty well thought out. Because she needed to keep the men strong for challenges and she wasn't going for a third time. Fair enough, non? Well, the girls were M-A-D. Daggers were coming out of Laura's eyes. But then, Sham can't leave well enough alone and has to keep going on about how she thinks she made the right choice to Monica. Shut. Up. Shambo. She's one of those people you really want to like, but she makes it really hard and you just can't.

Oh yeah, the other funny part was when Shambo sat out during the challenge, she had to appoint someone else to be leader. She says Erik and immediately gets elbowed by Dave, who corrects her, "NO! NO! NO! BRETT!" Which made me laugh for two reasons. 1) Shambo is SO not the leader. And 2) even Brett's own teammates don't know who he is. Right?

While Laura was at team yellow, Russell started working his sweet magic. Tells Laura that they should have a secret alliance & they should be final two. Hee. Soooo funny. He is very clever. He finds out one thing from Laura (she's a Christian) and hops on it. Something about how they should stick together. He's probably Jewish... or at any rate you know he's lying.... which makes it funny that he's lying about religion. Hee.

So then the immunity challenge. The funny part here is that they are out on the water in outrigger canoes. Two people have to fish puzzle pieces out of the water. Shambo is yelling 'encouragement' to Danger Dave, who keeps telling her to shut the hell up. Ha! And it's like she doesn't hear him. She just keeps at it. "Come on Dave! You can do it! Oh, you've got it! Way to go!" Etc. Etc. And he just keeps on telling her to be quiet. Then during the puzzle portion, the yellow team fell apart thanks to Jaison... who has no puzzle building ability apparently. Purple won. Yellow had to go to Tribal again & will be down to 4 people! Sad!

Looked like it was between Jaison and Liz. Russell talked about how Jaison just gave up during the puzzle, but then said that he trusted Jaison where he didn't trust Liz. That's when you knew it would be Liz. Russell doesn't keep around people he doesn't trust & can't manipulate. And it's working brilliantly. Have you noticed how no one EVER mentions Russell as someone to vote off? Nope. He's everyone's friend. They love him. And so should you. He will win. Possible threat from Erik or Danger Dave... Thoughts?

Next week - MERGE!

Minus One Russell

First both teams were going to Tribal and one was voting... then both teams are going and both are voting, then no one was sending anyone home... what the? And poor poor Master T/Russell. Did you feel a bit sorry for him? I found him super irritating right up until last night... then I found him irritating, but kind of endearing at the same time. He tried so hard to stay... he worked so hard.... but he has to stay strong for his family... sniff, sniff.... Come on, don't lie. You felt a little bad for him too.

OK... so what else was interesting? The challenge was to decide which team would get to eat pizza while listening in on the other team's Tribal Council. Fun, right? And it was a good challenge too. One person was inside a giant ball which was rolled through a course by two tribemates who were blindfolded. Then the ball person had to direct the blindfolded people to do a puzzle. Team yellow was ahead. They thought they'd win it. Then Russell.

Russell (Master T) was one of the blindfolded folks. He's looking all tired, sorta not doing all that well. Then boom - he's out! Like literally his head is on the side of the puzzle and his body is limp. Medics are called. He comes to for a bit, then blacks out with his EYES OPEN! Crazy to watch. Jeff later says it's "the scariest moment he's had in 19 seasons of hosting the show." No doubt. Yikes! So the medics determine that his heart rate/blood pressure is way too low & he's not returning to the game. Cue tears. Dang! That would suck.

So everyone goes back to camp figuring that both teams are going to Tribal and voting someone out. Team yellow figures they can't catch a break. Jaison once again looks like he's going to crack. Russell (other Russell) is the only one who isn't miserable from the rain... he sees it as weakening his opponents (true) and better for him (true). At team yellow it looks like it's going to be either Liz or Natalie going home.

Over at purple, it's a cat fight between the mean girls (Laura, Monica & Kelly) vs. Shambo. Well, really it's just Monica vs. Shambo. Monica's got her panties in a knot because Shambo voted for her once, so is holding a huge grudge... plus just hates Shambo. So, instead of possibly pulling Shambo into a girl alliance, the stupid girls push her away.... right over to the men, who also have four people and need a fifth. How convenient. The men want to vote off the weakest person at challenges - Monica. As far as I'm concerned and even though I have her in the pool, Monica is stupid and deserves the boot. Sheesh.

However, as it turned out, no one got the boot because Master T had already had to leave the game. So Monica and Liz/Natalie are safe for another episode. I think now would be a fun time for an early merge. There's huge rivalry between the men on the tribes & I'd like to see them all try to vie for supremacy.... Or will they all pull that whole 'men-on-the-same-team' thing and be best buds once the merge happens? Thoughts?

Next week it appears Russell somehow makes an alliance with Laura. Final two! Hee hee. I totally wonder if that's going to ever get back to Russell - that he's made 'final two' alliances with almost everyone there! Hee. If not, pretty much sure Russell should win.

And still.... Brett? Who? Really?

Minus One Blonde

Sorry for such a late blog. Friday just got away from me....

Sooooo.... let's see what I can remember. Will try to give you the important parts. Here's what you need to know:

1. THE FOOD CHALLENGE! Hurrah! I was quite happy they brought back the food challenge. It's always fun to throw a bit of Fear Factor into Survivor, non? You knew Ashley was going to be a problem when she bragged to the camera, "I'll pretty much try anything." Well, missy, have you watched the show before? There's a pretty big difference between trying anything, and chugging a pint glass full of barely blended up sea snail guts and water. Anyways, she lost it (literally) and the purple team won. They got a bunch of steaks & sausages & stuff to BBQ. Then we got to see Master T trying to light the fire & Danger Dave getting super annoyed with him because he couldn't do it. As Danger said to us later, I can't believe how many people go on Survivor & don't know how to start a fire!! Seriously. A bit of an ego-match of sorts ensued with Danger & Master... this will be a problem later on. Is Master T annoying the heck out of you?

2. Russell & Liz. So Liz mentions to Russell that she's pretty sure he's got the immunity idol. He says no, and she pushes him on it asking why he's lying to her. Bad idea, Liz. Now Russell's got it out for Liz and you can bet that if a) it hadn't been raining and b) Ashley wasn't such a massive turd at the challenges... Liz would have been the one to go home. Liz better hope for a merge sooner than later. Russell's knocking the smart ones out who figure out his nonsense.

3. Ashley was a massive turd at challenges. Sorry, but it's true. Don't lie - you thought so too. She messed up the food challenge and then didn't do anything in the immunity challenge either. The challenge was to throw coconuts into a net that was being held up by the other team. Ashley couldn't get a single coconut in the net. Liz was holding the net for their team and held out longer than Russell. She was a star! They lost, but there was no way you could say Liz didn't hold her own. Ashley on the other hand... turd.

4. The rain. It rained and rained and rained. And when I say rain, I mean monsoon-like pouring rain. No rest. No reprieve. What the heck happened to Shambo's hands? She's got some sort of trench-foot type thing going on... on her hands! Jaison's in bad shape too. Jury's out on whether or not he's just going to quit. Thoughts? Anyways, it's miserable out & all the teams can do is to huddle in their shelters. So that means no strategizing or going off with other teammates... nothing to be done. Poor Russell looked so sad that he couldn't work his Russell magic. Team yellow just had to go and vote how they felt.

5. Oh yeah... Shambo. So when purple team won reward, they had to send someone to the other camp. That person wouldn't get reward. They sent Shambo. She was MAD! "I needed that protein!" Like no one else did or something.... People can't get along with others & then wonder why they're sent away? And as Master T put it... "That's for losing the chicken." Fair enough, your honour. So Shambo goes over to annoy team yellow & promptly reads them all the immunity clues & digs through that tree again. Hee hee. The look on Russell's face was delightful.

6. Back to the vote. So it was Ashley, naturally. Everyone voted for her... even her BFF Natalie, who earlier said something about them being like sisters. Hee. As far as I'm concerned, it's one less blonde to keep track of. Now just two interchangeable blondes to figure out... And I'm still baffled by Brett. Dude apparently has no personality, as he's never given more than one line per episode and it's always pretty generic... I'm hoping he becomes interesting soon.

This week it looks like medics show up again, which means we'll likely lost another 2 survivors in one go. Any guesses on who goes?

Score: Chickens 1, Lazy Girl 0

A delightful episode. Were you pro-Yasmin or anti-Yasmin? Me? Anti, for sure. She had one of the best, worst strategies ever: "If I don't do anything around camp, I won't make any mistakes, and no one will come after me." Really? Yeah... that didn't work. Instead, everyone just thought she was a lazy ass. So what if she did better than Monica at the challenge? At least Monica obviously has some people skills, which Yasmin clearly lacks. I couldn't wait for the speech at the end where we KNEW she'd go on about how she knows she's better than all of those people and screw them anyways.... I don't want a million dollars if I can't be true to myself, blah, blah, blah. People really have to stop teaching their kids that they're entitled to whatever they want just because they're "confident"... or maybe it's Oprah's fault? Or Maury.... Thoughts? You still have to work hard & be nice to people, right? Oh, the other thing I love is that Yasmin is now joining BEN, who was voted off last week. That should be a fun reunion. Where's the footage of that? Hugs all around, I'm sure.

I digress. Back to the show.... there were lots and lots of fun things that happened. Like the reward challenge where 3 people from each team show up and there's no one there to tell them what to do. Did Jeff sleep in? I hope so. So they run for the chickens (the reward) and the other box... which ends up being the instructions to the game. Then someone has to yell at Shambo to put down the chickens she's got by the neck. Hee. Team purple won on the last throw (it was a bocce-type game where you have to throw a ball closest to the middle....) and won the chickens. It was Danger Dave acutally, though you never see his team give him the full credit back at camp. I am totally in love with Danger Dave and his skullet. You?

Then Shambo, claiming to be a "country girl" takes charge of the chickens. She clucks at them constantly, telling us that you have to make the chickens "trust you" before they will lay eggs for you. Say it with me.... Really? I'm pretty sure they'll just lay eggs if you feed them, give them water and leave them the heck alone. Anyways, so Shambo loses a chicken the very next day. Funny to watch everyone give chase as Shambo says, "I didn't know they could fly!" and "At least I produced us an egg first..." Ummm... the chicken did that. Not Shambo. Then everyone just gave up on getting the chicken back, making Erik's head just about blow off.

Speaking of Erik... we finally got to hear from him a little. He used the clues Shambo had for the immunity idol at the other camp & figured he'd see if they were the same at his camp. Clever, non? So after he checked like, 35 trees... he found it and exclaimed, "I KNEW it would be in that tree!" Hee. You've got to admire the very few people who are actually playing this game. There's a lot of dead weight this season.

Hmmmm... what else? Like I mentioned earlier, the purple team finally lost a challenge. It wasn't much to write home about, just that Monica was the weakest one. And I don't think she sucked, she was just slower than the rest of them. It was good to see the yellow team win one for once. Also, that means we don't have to listen to Russell (much) for one episode. Though he did make a "last-two" alliance with Natalie, who he figures he can more easily beat than Jaison (true) with whom he also has a "last-two" alliance. Hee. Speaking of Jaison, he's getting pretty whiney, non? What's with the "I didn't sign up for this" talk? YES YOU DID! It's called Survivor. It pretty much sucks every time... rainy.... cold.... people don't sleep.... I don't know, I get this from ummmm... WATCHING THE SHOW! He actually said it was the "worst decision he's made in his whole life." Sigh.... I sure hope he sucks it up soon. Big lawyer-baby.

So there were two camps at team purple.... team Monica and team Yasmin. Master T and most of the men were on team Yasmin. They want someone who's strong in challenges. Fair enough. Master T went on to say that he's the leader and if people don't do what he wants, he'd have to kick some ass or something like that. Really? You? The others were team Monica, wanting someone they like more and who does more work around camp. Also fair. In the end, niceness won out over pouty entitlement. And not that Monica's really that nice.... 'cause the girls mean-girled Yasmin pretty hard. But Yasmin sort of deserved it. The only time I've liked her even a little was when she wore her heels to Tribal last night & told Jeff it's 'cause she wanted to look nice for him. Cute, but too late. I can't stand you, sorry.

Finally, there are 2 blonde girls who seem, at least at this point, to be completely interchangeable. Natalie and Kelly. Thank goodness they're at least on two different teams so we can know them as purple blonde and yellow blonde. I sure hope one of them goes before the merge or I'll be so confused. Also, I'm surprised that Brett got to speak last night at Tribal Council. We have literally heard NOTHING from the guy until then. And even then, I don't remember what he had to say. He's so far under the radar, he's cloaked. Full on Klingon warship.

And why the heck don't they want to vote off Shambo? She loses chickens, she's annoying, she's kind of stupid... and the hair..... Just sayin'. Shambo also figures she's "got a following" at the other camp. One of my favourite quotes of the night. Who are you, the Grateful Dead? Goes to show, you can lose a chicken and Yasmin is still more annoying. People totally forget each season that it's a show about people skills, and that whole "I don't care if you like me or not" attitude just isn't going to work. It's also going to get Shambo voted off in due course. Trust.

Now they're all going to die!

Finally I know who a couple more of the Survivors are... Natalie! Finally saw her, though still might confuse her with Kelly? Not sure. Found out there was someone named Laura (who?) and Monica... and my upcoming new favourite, Danger Dave. I can't wait to hear more from Danger Dave. Will he become Danger Dave, Dragonslayer? I hope so.

So did you LOVE seeing Ben get the boot? I mean, maybe not if you had him in the pool & all, but really, he was awful. I liked the part where he told the girls not to even bother trying to start a fire using the flint because they are just not strong enough and their hands are too small. Really? Then he tells us that, "Without me, these people will die." No they won't, Ben. I've seen way dumber people on other Survivor seasons start fires just fine. Girls too. Ben hates women. Ugh.

Over at team purple, everyone is getting along.... for now. Shambo is starting to feel even more on the outs, though, as she watches her team do yoga to start the day instead of doing chores at camp. Later she gets to go over to team yellow & she gushes over them, telling them how awful the purples are. I like where she says, "These people are closer to my age - they relate to me more." Then a shot of her talking to Liz (33), Ashley (22), Mick (33) and someone else I can't remember, but was clearly in their 20's. The teams are the same; Shambo just hates hers.
I'm fairly sure Shambo's hair is also getting larger every episode. Oh yeah, and did any of you catch where Shambo wedged half of herself into that tree looking for the immunity idol? Everyone else milling around talking while you see Shambo's legs sticking out of the tree at the bottom of your screen. Hee. Subtle.

The challenge was nothing to write home about (or blog about) except to say that it had more take-downs, just this time in the water. I'm thinking of labelling this season of Survivor the WWF season. Thoughts? Waiting for Russell to slam someone over the head with a chair...

Team purple won (again), got immunity, and were able to choose from comfort items (blankets, pillows, towels) or useful items (tarp, knife, etc.) Master T chose comfort to "take care of his ladies." On one hand, I admired his thinking - that "if you keep the women happy, the whole team will be happy." There's some serious truth to this. But then he opened his mouth at camp and started going on about how he had to take care of the women, blah, blah, blah. Sit down, Ben, I mean Russell. They're fine. Also, I'm thinking on another level that Master T himself is loving the comfort. Yes? And he made no fans amongst the men. Danger Dave was not happy. (Note: Just looked up Danger Dave to see if I could find out why he's called Danger. No luck. Dude has a degree in opera (!!!) and teaches fitness & nutrition. Ooooh. Sounds dangerous.)

Right... so yellow's back at tribal. Which naturally brings us to Russell. Russell (who also hates women) has it out for Ashley. Tells Ben early on in what he calls "planting a Russell seed" (ewww), that Ashley was the one who was trying to vote Ben out last time. For a while it looks like it's working, but then Jai-SAHN steps in. In a move that's at once noble and stupid, tells everyone that it's basically him or Ben. That if Ben isn't voted out, he's leaving. Yikes, sweater-vest, that could have backfired on you completely! Ben is a racist. Ben was mean to Yasmin, calling her "ghetto trash" which we all know wasn't that far off the mark, but you don't SAY that! So Ben & Jaison end up getting in a huge fight at Tribal. Poor Natalie is stuck in the middle & looks frightened. It was awesome. Ben got voted out.

Which brings me to my final point... that Russell is still hateful yet still brilliant. He is indeed causing chaos around him, he's making his whole team fight with each other, but not with him. He's not doing anything to help win challenges, 'cause he doesn't want to win - he wants to vote people out. But he's not making it LOOK like he's not doing anything. He's showing the appropriate people that he has the idol, gaining their trust & noting that the idol is "a tool". So smart. He is really the only one who's really playing the game. And like you, I can't decide if I love him or hate him. Such fun!

If you play with cliches, you will burn socks.

Much to write about for a first episode... where to start? Let's see.... to start off, the teams had to pick leaders. No, wait, back up. The best place to start is to discuss what the Survivors are wearing. 'Cause, really, either they're told they have to dress it up... or they're total idiots. You know you're going to a beach in Samoa... so you (if you're Yasmin) wear heels? Whaaaaat? Then there's Mick in his suit, and my personal favourite - Jaison (pronounced, Jay-SAHN) - in a button-up shirt and sweater vest!! Yes, friends, sweater vests are all the rage in Samoa this fall. Seriously, would it be that bad to let them wear athletic clothes so we don't have to see dudes (read: Russell) running around in their underpants?

Back to the show. Mick is leader for team yellow and Russell S (is that right? Too many Russells. We'll call him Master T. If you've ever watched MuchMusic, you'll follow.)... Master T is the leader of team purple. They have to pick a swimmer, a strong guy, an agile person, and a smart person... not knowing their team. Fun, right? So the swim is JaiSAHN vs. John. And don't lie, you're all thinking, "D'oh! Don't pick the black dude to be the swimmer!" Right? You were. And yes, in Survivor history, the African American folks haven't generally been the swimmers. However, turns out Jaison was on some national championship water polo team. Yeah! Plus, he's like six foot twenty or something, so that helps. John probably had a pretty decent swim, but was no match for Mr. Water Polo. Then we notice it... John is swimming in... jeans? I think so. Really, dude? Thing is, later in the show we see him in shorty-shorts. Mike figures he was commando & therefore couldn't doff the Levi's as easily as JaiSAHN doffed the sweater vest. The other funny part is where Liz is picked as the smart one 'cause she's Asian. Hee.

So let's talk about Russell. Russell is a class-A villain. He's stirring the pot. He's making "secret alliances" all over the place. His first alliance is what he calles the "Dumbass Alliance" with the three youngest girls (two as yet interchangeable girls + Marisa). Then he tries to make one with the "old lady".... Let's clarify. Betsy is 47 I think, in really good shape, and a cop. Love Betsy. Betsy distrusts Russell immediately. Betsy is smart. I hope in the future Betsy brings Russell down.

So Russell goes about making life miserable for his team. He pours out all their water & burns poor Jaison's socks in the fire. His crazy tactic works as everyone starts the next day cranky & he watches them fight it out. My favourite was where Marisa is all cranky & says something about just needing some serenity. Russell: "I'll just leave you alone then." Brilliant. Oh, and then there's the part where Russell tells this story about losing his German shepherd, Rocky, in hurricane Katrina. Awwwwww. Wrong. Russell never lived in New Orleans, nor has he ever had a dog. Russell, for this reason, sucks. Well, that and the sock-burning thing. But, does he really suck, or is he really smart at this game? Discuss.

On the other team, Master T is a bit wishy-washy as leader. He lets Ben take over (Ben thinks he is this season's JT, but he's too slimey & obnoxious which'll be his downfall. Trust.) This frustrates Shannon... who, btw, is called Shambo. Yes. Shambo is a former Marine & has a fe-mullet. Shambo is thus called because she wore a bandana similar to.... guess? Right! Rambo. Shambo's not fitting in much with her team (nor is she trying to fit in... which, if you've ever watched this show is the way people win... you don't have to like people or actually fit in... you just have to make nice and PRETEND to fit in... ) Anyways, Shambo's going to annoy her way off the island. Again, trust.

Team Purple won immunity. Yellow had to vote someone off. Looked like it would be Ashley (we'll call her short-haired blonde girl for now), but then Marisa told Russell that she was worried he was talking to so many people. So, Marisa became the target of Russell's rather arbitrary rage. Thing is... at this point, people are actually listening to Russell. So poor Marisa went home. Which is kind of too bad - she seemed pretty likeable & smart, though may have been annoying later on (the way she kept correcting her name pronunciation, saying "MarEEsa" and the mere mention of "serenity"). The best part of the vote though, was when Russell votes and delivers the most cliche line of all time, "You play with fire, you're gonna get burned." Really, Russell? That's all you could come up with? I thought you were a more creative villain.

Makes you miss the Coach, doesn't it? Coach wasn't mean, he was weird. Russell is mean AND weird. Russell at one point says how he owns an oil company and is already a millionaire, so he's not playing it for the money. He's playing to show people how easy it is to win it. Makes you want him to get voted off even sooner doesn't it. And I want it to be a woman - Betsy preferably - who is the cause of his demise. Russell may be a warrior, but he's no Samurai/Viking/Roman/Bird Spirit. Sigh.

Next week, there's a fight & someone gets told to leave the challenge. Russell? Looks like some dude roughs up Yasmin and she stands up for herself. Lots of people we haven't heard anything from yet. Who are you, Brett? Monica? Liz is intriguing. And, ummm... which one was Natalie?

The Finale - Yep, I called it.

Right. So JT won Survivor. Really? Hard to see that one coming.

Well, at least we're all pretty happy he won, right? Better him than Erinn (unless you had Erinn in the pool... then probably not so good.) The votes were unanimous. Poor Stephen didn't even register. But we knew that was going to be the case, didn't we? I mean, they make it seem like it's pretty risky to go up against Stephen in the final. Ummmm... no. It wasn't. Let's go back a ways and remember how everyone LOVED JT. No one EVER voted for him. Brendan wanted to give up his own million bucks so that JT could have it. And even in the reunion show, Taj fully admitted that it never even crossed their minds to take out JT. The guy deserves a million for playing so well and never being viewed as a threat. What's the moral of the story? Hillbillies are cute. If Stephen had a southern accent, things might've been a tougher call. Come on, you know I'm right.

OK, so a quick run-down of the show if you missed it. Taj got betrayed and voted out first. She really thought she was going to be in the final three. (I thought so too.) And honestly, they should have taken her instead of Erinn. JT was going to win anyways.

So then the final three - JT, Stephen & Erinn - have to do that ridiculous walk where they remember all their fallen teammates. I like it in a way - you get to hear a clip on that Survivor's take on their time in the game... plus it's a good time to get up and go to the bathroom. On the other hand... why do they feel the need to be so nice? Some of the sentiments seem pretty forced. Like Sierra.... "Oh, she was a really great girl." Really? 'Cause you hated her like, two minutes ago. Please. Let's have one season where they get to tell the truth... I mean, those people aren't DEAD. They're fat & comfy at Ponderosa having maple syrup fights.

The final immunity challenge is pretty cool. You put the ball in the thing & it goes round & round and spits out the other end. You have to catch it. Then Jeff makes you add another & another until there are lots of balls spinning around at once. JT won. No surprise there. And he chose Stephen to go to the final two, even though a lot was made of the fact that it would be easier to take Erinn. He made the right choice. He still got all the votes AND he didn't look like a backstabber of his best friend.

Stephen talked himself out of the million at the last Tribal. He should have shut up on a number of occasions. Like in the second last tribal where he was asked why JT should keep him over Erinn & he said, well.... we promised we'd have breakfast together on the last day... Jeff, always cheeky, called him on it and said, "Yeah, 'cause a breakfast or a million dollars....that's a tough choice..." Hee. Then, with everyone's questions, he just didn't handle them as well as JT. JT made everything sound OK. (Insert southern accent here...) "Well, I had to vote y'all off." "I'm really sorry Taj. That was really hard." "Sometimes you have to lie." "Coach, I never wrote your name down." He didn't over-talk it. He didn't sound desperate. And, best of all... when Stephen was asked by Debbie if he would have taken JT or Erinn had the shoe been on the other foot... Stephen honestly said he'd probably have taken Erinn. Then, JT played the kicked puppy and seemed super hurt by his good friend Stephen. (Later in the reunion show, he admitted it was all an act - he knew Stephen would have taken Erinn & he was going for sympathy votes.) Well played.

So JT won.

I just got to watch the reunion show on YouTube. Missed it on Sunday night. It was pretty good. It came out that Coach was feeding Stephen & JT all the Timbira information, making it easier for them to vote the Timbira folks off. Also, Coach apparently was asked to take a lie-detector test & refused. Then, to blindside his "worthy adversary" Jeff Probst, he went and took one anyways, revealing that he was indeed telling the truth about the story with the pygmy natives and the stake and the clubbing, etc. Do you believe him? Discuss.

Coach also showed up with a "Lady friend". Seriously. That's what it said under her name... "Coach's Lady Friend"... Jeff asked whether he brought the Dragonslayer into the bedroom & without batting an eyelash, she said, "No, I'm the dragonslayer." Snort. Was she paid to be there? Discuss.

Then JT won the extra $100,000 for being the fan favourite. I still say that the winner should not be allowed to win. I mean, come on. Throw someone else a bone. (For the record Taj came in 2nd and Sierra came in 3rd.)

OK, that's about it. I'm really sad it's over. In the fall, the next season will take place in Samoa. More sharks! Cool. If I can think of anything else to write about in the meantime, maybe I will. Suggestions?

Congrats to the winners, and to quote Tyson on his exit from Ponderosa, "It's about time we get out of this nerdhole."

I don't know what a nerdhole is... but I'm going to start using it in my vocabulary. You?

Pat Benatar 1, Coach Wade 0

So it's the end of an era... Sigh... I'm so glad he made it that long. Coach made my life, and last night's show proved why he should have his own TV series. Dude is amazing.

Also... let's put it out there (and remember that I called it ages ago) that JT is going to win. The only way he won't win at this point is if Stephen, Taj & Erin are smart and vote him out next (provided he doesn't win immunity, which he probably will anyways). But... I don't think they will. It's like everyone really wants JT to win a million dollars. And honestly, he has played one of the smartest games I've seen in a while. He's under the radar enough that no one really realized how much control he had until just recently... he's made friends with everyone and hasn't pissed anyone off. He seems to know exactly how to deal with everyone - especially Coach. Did you see how they made Coach believe that they had saved him from Debbie?

Then, Coach starts lobbying hard for not going to Exile. His asthma is really acting up... from all the smoke at the campfire... and he's got "ruptured discs" in his back. Huh. How convenient. The smoke, etc. hadn't bothered him up 'til now... But, in a masterful move, when JT won the reward challenge, he took Stephen with him (because Stephen took him on his reward, right?) and told Coach he should do the "noble" thing by going to Exile, since everyone else had already been. JT knows exactly how to play it. Appeal to that whole "we are noble warriors" crap that the Coach believes in. Nicely played. Meanwhile he tells us at home that yeah, he just wants Coach nice & weak so they can vote him off next.

Coach says he'll go but will "take the monastic approach" and will not eat, drink or build fire... he'll just meditate. This makes Erinn lose it. She calls him out, tells him he's just trying to be a martyr. Yeah, she's right and her consistent bitchiness is what makes her endearing, but really, shut the heck up. All she did was make everyone else mad. (Oh, Erinn.... why are you still there?) 'Cause really, Coach managed to one-up her with, "Yeah, I want it to be hard. Hit me with your best shot, Pat Benatar!" Snort.

So then... let's discuss the brilliant editing by our friends at Survivor. The lone warrior walking the sand dunes to Exile, the eagle soaring above and the clouds magnificently roll by. But wait, is that an eagle, or a vulture? Yes... it's the buzzards that are circling, watching the already emaciated Coach hang out & do nothing... ummmm....I mean meditate. I'm thinking it's 'cause he can't actually start a fire or fend for himself, non? And he doesn't want to look stupid(er) by admitting it. Instead, he talks himself up. Literally. Talks about himself in the third person.

"Nothing's gonna bring Coach Wade down."
"Coach Wade can do this"
"Chalk this up as just another adventure for Coach Wade."
"Coach Wade still has what it takes..."
...etc.

And yeah, something about the foundation of Coach Wade is a rock. Then lists the attributes of said rock (Coach Wade): "Unbreakable. Unbending. Unyeilding. Immeasurable. Immovable. Invincible." (He kinda reminds me of the Ben Stiller character in Dodgeball... Right?) Sigh... Then... (oh yes, there's more) he tells us that it's like a journey of his ancestors, the Native Americans, who would commune with nature and become a man.... "except I'm already a man, so it'll be more of an adventure." So now Coach Wade is an Indian. Wait... an Indian Samurai warrior-wizard-dragonslayer. And yes, he finds a bendy piece of wood to carry around, which he calls his "dragon cane." Crikey. He just keeps on giving, and giving....

You can't script this stuff.

When he comes back from Exile for the immunity challenge, he's pretty much limping. The challenge is to stand on these little pegs, bracing with your arms for as long as possible. Of course, the pegs get smaller as time goes on. It comes down to Coach vs. JT. For a minute it looks like Coach might actually pull off a win. But, in true Coach fashion, he breaks down and loses in a storm of drama. He can't just hop off and congratulate JT. No. He has to let out a huge yell, then hop down, then fall on the ground, writhing in pain, complaining about his "back spasms" while everyone runs up to see if he's ok. (Except Erinn, who can't bring herself to feign caring. Hee.) Why? 'Cause it's all about Coach Wade. Jeff cleverly asks if he wants medical to check out his back. "NO!" snaps Coach, "If they looked at my back, they wouldn't let me stay in the game!" Riiiiiiiiight. Or they'd blow your cover by telling us that NOTHING is wrong with you.

So it looks like it'll be Erinn or Coach. We know Erinn and Taj are voting for Coach. Coach and JT are voting Erinn (note, JT has to keep his word to Coach, right? He's not going to lose any votes on that jury.) It comes down to Stephen, who amazingly votes for Coach. I thought he's follow the JT line. Coach, in his parting words, tells us he knows it was Stephen, the wizard, who strayed from the warrior alliance. "He's not the white wizard. He's the evil wizard." Right... but before the vote, Coach stops everyone.... to read a poem he's written for the occasion. The jury are beside themselves. It's delightful. Here it is for you - put it up on your wall. It's profound.

With friend & foe we march to the battle plain
Some to seek success, others to seek fame.
We play with honour for the love of this game
And with armour or without, we will toil in vain
So that someday, someone, somewhere will remember our name.

Word.

Guess what they call me here?

Wow. Last night's show had so much amazingness, I don't know where to start.... This will be a long one. Grab a coffee.

I guess you have to start with Debbie giving up on Coach. She finally had enough of his... well... everything, and she decided it was time to jump ship. Now most of us who actually watch the show know that giving up on your day-1 alliance at this late stage in the game is a BAD idea. Not Debbie. Well, that's not entirely true. I think she knew it was a bad idea, but she knew she'd backed the wrong horse. The lightbulb went off & she realized that JT & Stephen are the ones to be allied with, not Coach. (Say it with me... Duh!) Begging the question... why isn't anyone even considering voting off JT or Stephen? More on that later...

So now to the fun parts. The Survivor Auction. Here I need to digress for a moment. When did Survivor get so cushy? I mean, I realize they live outside and there are bugs and roaring animals and rain and not much to eat. BUT... almost every reward comes with food and the auction is all french fries and deliciousness. (Except for Stephen's chicken hearts... which probably weren't that bad.) Remember when a staple of the show was the eating contest where they had to eat all the crazy zebra intestines (or the like) before the other guy? Now that was fun! That was surviving. Now it's like, oh we get sandwiches. Oh, we get fries... Yawn...

Anyways, the other part of Survivor we love (well, I love it) is the visit from home. Everyone at the auction gave Taj their money so that she could "buy" a video from her loved ones. Apparently Taj left a little baby at home and is having a harder time than the rest... Nice, right? Turns out Taj's husband is back at camp! She loses it. Then Jeff says if she's willing to go to Exile (with her hubby), everyone can have a visit back at camp. Nice, right? So, there were some lovely moments b/tw Taj & her husband, Erinn & her dad, Stephen & his brother, Debbie & her husband... And that brings me to the other 2. First, JT. His visit is from his younger sister.... who didn't seem quite right. Maybe it was just the crazy alligator teeth that threw me off, but ummm... whaaaaa? And she's just as unintelligible as JT, which was cute. (Cue banjos)

Then... there was Coach. He gets a visit from some dude, who you assume is probably his brother, right? Maybe a best friend? Nope. Coach's visitor is...

HIS ASSISTANT COACH!!!!!

First let's discuss that it's a bit sad that Coach doesn't have any family or close friends who either can or want to visit him. Let's assume he has no family and that Asst. Coach dude IS his best buddy. So... if it were you, wouldn't you say, "Yay, I'm so excited that my best friend could come to Brazil..."? Right? Nope. Not if you're Coach. He says, "I am SO excited. Of all the people in the world, I get to see my ASSISTANT COACH!" Then.... they do stretches together & dude cracks Coach's back. (Which, btw, Coach reassures us is NOT sexual in any way. Uh, thanks.) Oh, and the other great part was where he excitedly tells Asst. Coach, "Guess what they call me here? DRAGONSLAYER!!!"

He just keeps on giving.

The immunity challenge was an obstacle course, where you assume (I do) that JT will win. Thing is, at the end of the course, you have to memorize a series of math symbols, then go back and put them in the right order onto your board. So most people run out/over/under/across and get the first few symbols, then have to go back to get the rest. Stephen gets out there (barely... has balance issues) but memorizes the entire sequence by assigning them numbers and then remembering the numbers (e.g., plus is a one, divide is a two, etc.) So he wins! Brilliant! Was also nice to see how genuinely happy he was to win something.

So we know Stephen, JT and Taj are safe. There's a cool moment before Tribal Council where Stpehen & JT are talking about how crazy it is that no one wants to vote for them, even though everyone is pretty sure they are in control of the game. Coach wants to vote for Taj, citing the immunity idol (and he's probably right) but everyone is annoyed with the Dragonslayer and it looks like he may go home. But then Debbie pushes it. She works it harder than Victoria Beckham on a red carpet....She goes to Stephen & JT and tells them that she wants to be in the final 3 with them and is happy with third. WHAT? Why are you on this show, lady? She told them if she won immunity she'd give it to them. WHAT? Honestly, why bother playing at all? I know she's scrambling at this point, and trying to offer them something better than Taj, but thing is... what Taj offers is loyalty. Debbie dumps her day-1 alliance on day 32 or whatever, and shows that she's willing to do anything to win, right? So then why say third is ok? Ugh.

At Tribal Council, it's a Coach Roast. The jury comes in all wearing feather earrings and carrying their jackets over their shoulders a la dragonslayer. Snort. In the end, Debbie votes for Coach, Coach votes for Taj, and everyone else votes for Debbie.

Do you love how Coach still thinks he's in control of the game, even though he hasn't been in on the decisions lately at all? And - the vote for Debbie was brilliant - Coach won't question the others as soon as they tell him that Debbie had turned against him. He'll crush on JT even harder.

Next week, Coach is heard to say, "Hit me with your best shot, Pat Benatar!"

Sigh... it's pure gold.

Survivor Update: Who's been lyin' when they shoulda been truthin'?

Ha! Look, I've started a blog! So, I have to go back to last weekend when I went to the pub with some of my fellow squash-players... some of whom are also Survivor Poolsters. "You should start a blog!" says Naomi. She assures me it's easy... and wouldn't you know it... she's right. Smart girl, that Naomi. So here you go, poolsters... It's a little late in our season, yes. I never said I was quick. (The title for today's post, by the by, also comes from the pub night, which featured karaoke. I am SO going to sing Nancy Sinatra next time....)

OK... so Coach & Debbie had to scramble a little. All of a sudden, they weren't in on the joke. Debbie figures that maybe aligning the old Timbira tribe is a good way to go. (Ummm... maybe you should have thought of that a while back, non?) So they approach Sierra, who says she doesn't know what she'll do. Coach asks her where are her loyalties... and she points out that they wrote her name down... bringing me to my theme... Sierra is wise. Sierra all of a sudden is the only one who tells the truth on this show. And I'm talking about bigger, capital "T" Truths...
Debbie gives Sierra the hand - "I'm not going to deal with you right now." Again, Sierra with the truth... you approached ME. No matter.

What's the deal with Debbie? Up 'til now we've been led to believe she's this squeaky clean, super nice, mom & school principal who loves everyone... I don't know... I'm starting to think that she's a mean girl inside just like Tyson was... (By the way, if you want to like Tyson again - and you will - watch the Ponderosa episodes on the Survivor website. He starts every sentence with "Dude", he's nice to everyone, he chases cows, and builds a 'slip n' slide'. "They might get a million dollars, but do they get a slip n' slide? No." I'm telling you, you'll want to be Tyson's best friend.) I digress... Debbie - nice or not? Discuss.

Back to the show.... Reward was a trip to this clear-water-guyser-pond thingy. The challenge was the one where you answer questions about the tribe like "Who would squander the million dollars" and "Who least deserves to win" (Sierra btw) and "Who hasn't lived up to their potential?" (Coach... hee.) Poor Sierra took beating in the Q&A. Stephen won the challenge & took Taj & JT. Coach looked like a puppy that had just been kicked.

But his time would come. The immunity challenge was down to Debbie, Coach & JT. You have to roll the ball in the tippy maze past the holes... Coach used the power of the noble warrior and summoned all his Tibetan Pilates skills (don't even bother googling it, by the way) to win it. As he wins, he yells, "DRAGONSLAYER!" Yep. It never ends. Then he tells us that it's no surprise he won, because it was a challenge requiring focus, attention and... oh I don't remember... dragon slaying? No... but you get it right? Begs the question, why didn't your 300 lb benchpressing skills come into play in some of those strength challenges? Hmmm?

Right. So Sienna goes to work telling the truth. Tries to expose Coach & Debbie for trying to get the Timbira alliance up & running. Tries to catch Coach lying by saying it wasn't true. (Coach defends himself by saying there are 2 things you CAN NOT question, then lists his honesty, integrity and moral character or something... Apparently you can question his counting skills.) Sierra then tries to convince the others that they should keep her around & get rid of a bigger threat - Debbie. Is she right? Yes! Does she get voted out anyways? Yes. Were you yelling at the TV? I was. Not only do I like her 'cause she's been an underdog from day one, but she's right. If I'm Taj or JT, I'd rather be up against Sierra vs. Debbie, right? If I'm everyone else, I'd be thinking about blindsiding Taj before she thinks to use the idol, right? But no... apparently it's high school and we just all don't like Sierra. Sad to see her go. She's way less boring than Erinn.

Oh, and what was Erinn's reason for writing Stephen's name down? Just to mess with people's heads? Hope so.

Finally, I'm not liking Jeff in the ball cap so much. Thoughts?