This season is weird.
This one I did not see coming (which, by the way, is the great thing about this show and why I totally don't understand people who say that it's "scripted" or "uninteresting". Pfffft.) I did not see Jonas getting the boot so early in the game. I mean, I'm glad that he's on the jury, because it's good to have smart, reasonable people on the jury. However, how is it that people like Alicia and Tarzan will also be on the same jury? That throws a wrench into things, doesn't it? What is the end of this game going to look like with all these weirdos voting? Anarchy! It'll be as weird as Alicia's boobs in that awful top.
So it looks like rather than going back to girls vs. guys, the alliances that were most recent are holding up for the moment. Salani vs. Manono. Strong vs. Weak. Here's the thing... now that it's an individual game, you're going to end up with a boat-load of strong people to compete against at the end. Why are we even talking about voting off people like Christina, Jonas, or even Tarzan for that matter? (Well, he's another story.... we'll get to that momentarily.) You want to be the ONLY strong person left amongst a group of weirdos at the end. This is how Boston Rob did it. This is why he had to vote off his bud, Grant, instead of the lunatic, Philip. Remember? So, if I'm Kim or Chelsea, I don't really want to hang that close with Jay, Mike & Troyzan. Right? Sigh.... Having said that, it appears that next week, the girl-alliance might actually try to get rid of the strong boys... we'll see.
What do you think of Troyzan? I keep going back & forth with him. I liked him on paper because he owns monkeys. Then I think he's an idiot because of the Tarzan/Troyzan thing and the way he treats the women's tribe. Then I kind of like him again when he's on Salani & he's a good team player & a good competitor. Now he's getting a bit cocky, non? What was that when his team won the reward challenge last night and they're all celebrating (it's pizza & beer... now that's a reward!) and he yells out, "This is MY island!"???? What the....? And if that wasn't enough, he went on to find another hidden immunity idol and then he won individual immunity in the challenge. Suffice it to say it was an excellent few days for Troyzan. If he can keep his ego in check, he should make it a long way.
Back for a moment to the reward challenge... the first part involved digging a hole in the sand so you could get yourself under a beam in an obstacle course. Leif... our resident brainiac phlebotomist, decides to go in head-first. Gets stuck. Oh, Leif.... Even at the end, when they showed the votes... Leif was not in on the decision to vote out Jonas. This should be a (another!) huge wake-up call to scramble somewhat, don't you think? Sigh.
OK, then there's Tarzan. Tarzan & Jonas have a fight because Mike tells Jonas that Tarzan has been telling him that they should keep the all-dude alliance. Jonas wants to know why Tarzan tells this to Mike so early, and why didn't he discuss it with him. Tarzan loses it and declares that he's out of the alliance, on his own, and I can't stand your face, Jonas. That's not the crazy part. The crazy part starts when Tarzan wants to wash his icky banana hammock undies in the boiling pot of water containing Chelsea's clothes. Earlier, Tarzan makes a point of noting to Sabrina that the marks on his undies are "not poop" but dirt. Sabrina laughs and says she can't even look... but "why is all the dirt concentrated in a certain area?" And it goes on and on for a reasonable amount of time... all the while Tarzan professing that it's "not poop." Then... and if you're a girl... or say, just an individual who appreciates general cleanliness... you can understand Chelsea's reaction of disgust when Tarzan throws his "not poopy" undies in with her clothes. When she asks if she can just get her clothes out of there, he goes on about how he knows a lot about "microbial science" and that "even if it was poop" it's OK... the boiling water will take care of the microbes. We're all having the same reaction to this, right? We're all with Chelsea on this one? Good. So Chelsea starts wondering why we're keeping this dude around and talking about getting rid of a perfectly nice guy like Jonas....
Jonas came up in the discussion because the Salani bunch have decided to get rid of a Manono. Wisely, they choose to start with the strongest, which oddly is Jonas. He's the smartest of the crew, the most likely to win challenges and the most likable... thus, someone you don't want to go up against in the final. So when you look at it this way, I think it was a good decision. Personally, I'd have wanted to see Alicia go before Jonas because she's snakier (is that a word?) but again wisely on the part of the women, they kept Alicia in case they need to keep the girl-alliance going later on. Who are your other Manono choices... Leif, Tarzan, Christina? Yep, if this is the strategy, you've got to go with Jonas. Yes, it's sad. Yet another nice, normal-seeming person goes home while a bunch of jerks remain... but that's how it works. It's a TV game, get over it.
And Jonas gave it a good try... Once he knew that his name was being floated around (and good on Troyzan for telling him), he tried to make up with Tarzan. This actually made Tarzan cry a little in another weird Tarzan moment. Then at Tribal Council Jonas asked the tribe why they would vote off a guy who provides for the group, cooks the meals and is not that big of a physical threat compared to a dude like Mike, who's big & strong? It's an extremely valid question if you're Jonas. But, to continue on with the crazy, Tarzan took offense to this and once again flipped out on Jonas. "How dare you throw Mike under the bus?" Which is a little weird... when did Tarzan get so fond of Mike? Is he figuring that Jonas is working against the supposed all-male alliance? (Which, by the way, was going to vote off Kat... yet no one at all... even Leif, who doesn't have a clue, went with this plan.) Even when Jonas did get voted off, he tried to go up to Tarzan, hand out, with a "No hard feelings, brother." I bought this as genuine, even though normally I'm not a big fan of the "I love you guys!" farewells that seem so icky. Tarzan would not accept it, giving Jonas a "I've got hard feelings for you" response... which, well....anyways.
Speaking of double entendre... can I just be childish for a sec ('cause this blog is usually so high-brow) and discuss the challenge where they had to place balls on a disc and balance them? So many delightful Jeff comments that I can't remember exactly (Note to self: must take notes!) but involved "balls dropping" and "you can put your hand on your balls" and I think actually Troyzan just about lost it at one point when Jeff said something about "Troyzan's balls are in a precarious position" or something like that. Hee hee.
And finally, I enjoyed that Kat spelled Jonas's name "Jonous". I like her more & more. What's with that?
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Karma's a Bitch
I'm such a believer in karma that the very action of typing out that title has me worried that karma's going to come around and bite me in the ass for it somehow. But the thing is, there's something to be said for being (or at least trying to be) a good person. See earlier posts about how Colton is not a good person. Alicia also. Bad, bad humans. So when they're bad on their own, the two of them together are evil (see last post).
It's one thing to plan to vote someone out. Normally, the plan goes forward and even if the person knows they're getting voted out, the day progresses like usual. Not with Colton & Alicia. They have decided that they hate Christina (well, Alicia has had a hate-on for Christina since day one)... which I don't really get. To me, Christina seems pretty likable. Maybe that's why they hate her. So instead of just letting things fall where they may, Colton & Alicia were SO mean to poor Christina. Like, SO mean. Like wicked step-sisters mean. Like, telling her to her face that she's going, that she's awful, that they hate her, that she might as well "fall into the fire" for all they care because she's going home one way or the other.... and on, and on, and on. Straight up bullying. Given all the attention to bullying that's the zeitgeist these days, it's amazing. And really, for a gay guy to be that big of a bully is something else. He's obviously never had to face this kind of situation & doesn't know anyone who has either (those aren't the "people he associates with" after all). And the thing is, if the tables were turned and Colton was getting bullied, he'd totally cry. Christina, on the other hand, was so incredibly gracious. She took it all and shrugged it off - even though it would make most people either punch Colton/Alicia.... or cry... or give up. She said, "My parents didn't raise me to quit." And you know it makes C/A crazier that Christina doesn't give them a reaction. Not only that, when Colton wasn't feeling well, Christina was the first one there to comfort him. Would you have done it? Comfort your own bully? Did you buy it that she was doing it out of altruism or was it an act of desperation to stay in the game? I lean towards altruism. She's no dummy and knows it can't hurt her chances to be nice to Colton... but at the same time, no one would believe that he'd change his mind over a few head pets, would they?
Here's the other thing I couldn't stand.... The way none of the other guys stood up for Christina when she was getting bullied. Jonas, Tarzan & Leif are not stand-up guys at all. For some, crazy, obscure reason that I don't understand.... Tarzan is totally down with Alicia and Colton. Now, either Tarzan's way more clever than I'm giving him credit for & looking down to the end-game where having those jerks around is a good idea.... or maybe they're more charming than the TV edits are giving them credit for... ?? I just don't get it. Leif... well, see last post. Our phlebotomist ain't that bright. (Though, as an aside, I do love that he sleeps in that box all the time like a tiny plebotomist vampire.) Jonas is in it for Jonas... and I mean, I get that to a point. Jonas is playing a strategy of not making waves, not getting in anyone's face, staying under the radar. So standing up to the bullies certainly wouldn't fit into his strategy. Thing is, all of these guys could have done something.... Even at one point Tarzan tells Christina that no, he wouldn't be her friend in real life, but that he respects her. OK. Weird, right? Is Chrsitina actually worse than we're seeing? Damn edits.
So then Colton goes down with a headache and abdomen pains.
Wait.. there was some other stuff too. Not really much to say about the other tribe at all. They're happy, they win everything. They won ice cream. (Which made me think, man, I'd hate that. What if you were lactose intolerant/allergic to dairy and you haven't eaten normal food in weeks and all of a sudden... here you go - all the ice cream you can eat! It would kill me. I'd totally eat it too, then pay for it later.) The best part to mention about the reward challenge is again how awful Colton & Alicia were. First, they were AWFUL at the challenge. Like, not even close. Terrible. Jeff even called Alicia out for being "pathetic". Christina wasn't super hot at the challenge either, yet somehow Colton & Alicia saw fit to blame her for the team losing and for making fun of how bad she was. Hello pot, meet kettle. And every time Christina would jog back, Colton would whine at her, "Ruuuun-uh". Yeah, more awful.
Right. So yeah, Colton later went down sick. Christina pet his head. And then it turns out that it's appendicitis and he has to be stretchered on out of Survivor. Buh-bye! Obviously, I'm not at all sad about it. I mean (karma warning), I don't wish life-threatening illness on anyone, but uh.... it's kind of like karma 1, Colton 0, right? The next lovely thing was that he chose to keep the immunity idol as a souvenir instead of giving it to Alicia, which really got her leopard underpants in a knot. She outright said she didn't care about Colton and that she was just pissed that he took the idol. Heh heh. Then, all of a sudden, as happens in Survivor, the tables are turned. Now Christina looks like the better person to keep around than Alicia because Alicia has more relationships in the other tribe. It looks like Alicia will get voted out! Yay, right?
Well, sadly, not yet. Just to keep us on our toes, Jeff throws another twist at us! The MERGE! Gah! All 12 people are one tribe again and there are 6 men, 6 women. So it's lovely to see what'll happen.... if the women will stick together (I think not) or if the men will stick together (I think not) or if these new tribe alliances will have any glue (Salani, maybe....). Will Alicia be able to worm her weird boobs back into her original alliance, or will those girls see through her (I hope!) and not trust her? What'll become of Christina? She's a perfect person all of a sudden to NOT vote out. Now that it's an individual game, you want to keep those people around - the ones who don't stand as much chance of winning challenges and who don't have a lot of love. Plus she's an easy vote. The first people to show her some love will have her loyalty. A dude like Jonas should capitalize on this. Things don't look as good all of a sudden for some of our stronger competitors who'll be seen as a threat. Mike, Jay, Troyzan? Tarzan looks like he has a hissy fit next episode and "walks alone".... leaving his alliance entirely. He's some good TV. What the hell is he wearing on his legs, by the way? Pant pieces? Not sure. It's like legwarmers....
Anyway, it's anyone's game once again. I still want to punch Alicia in the face. Oh, and the best part of Tribal Council (in which the teams merged and there was no vote-out because of Colton) is when Jeff told everyone of Colton's appendix, leading our ever-SMRT Kat to do blondes everywhere no favours by opening her eyes wide as saucers and saying, "What's that?" Someone points on her body to where her appendix is. Oh. Then a couple of others say how they've had their appendices out... Kat's eyes grow big again. Jeff: Kat, you look worried. Kat: I'm just worried about how to make my appendix not get sick and have to come out. It seems everyone else has theirs out except me!! Poor thing. She's actually more and more endearing. I'd way rather get stuck anywhere with the dumb blonde than with the awful bullies. At least Kat's not mean. At least now we're one meangirl down, one meangirl to go.....
It's one thing to plan to vote someone out. Normally, the plan goes forward and even if the person knows they're getting voted out, the day progresses like usual. Not with Colton & Alicia. They have decided that they hate Christina (well, Alicia has had a hate-on for Christina since day one)... which I don't really get. To me, Christina seems pretty likable. Maybe that's why they hate her. So instead of just letting things fall where they may, Colton & Alicia were SO mean to poor Christina. Like, SO mean. Like wicked step-sisters mean. Like, telling her to her face that she's going, that she's awful, that they hate her, that she might as well "fall into the fire" for all they care because she's going home one way or the other.... and on, and on, and on. Straight up bullying. Given all the attention to bullying that's the zeitgeist these days, it's amazing. And really, for a gay guy to be that big of a bully is something else. He's obviously never had to face this kind of situation & doesn't know anyone who has either (those aren't the "people he associates with" after all). And the thing is, if the tables were turned and Colton was getting bullied, he'd totally cry. Christina, on the other hand, was so incredibly gracious. She took it all and shrugged it off - even though it would make most people either punch Colton/Alicia.... or cry... or give up. She said, "My parents didn't raise me to quit." And you know it makes C/A crazier that Christina doesn't give them a reaction. Not only that, when Colton wasn't feeling well, Christina was the first one there to comfort him. Would you have done it? Comfort your own bully? Did you buy it that she was doing it out of altruism or was it an act of desperation to stay in the game? I lean towards altruism. She's no dummy and knows it can't hurt her chances to be nice to Colton... but at the same time, no one would believe that he'd change his mind over a few head pets, would they?
Here's the other thing I couldn't stand.... The way none of the other guys stood up for Christina when she was getting bullied. Jonas, Tarzan & Leif are not stand-up guys at all. For some, crazy, obscure reason that I don't understand.... Tarzan is totally down with Alicia and Colton. Now, either Tarzan's way more clever than I'm giving him credit for & looking down to the end-game where having those jerks around is a good idea.... or maybe they're more charming than the TV edits are giving them credit for... ?? I just don't get it. Leif... well, see last post. Our phlebotomist ain't that bright. (Though, as an aside, I do love that he sleeps in that box all the time like a tiny plebotomist vampire.) Jonas is in it for Jonas... and I mean, I get that to a point. Jonas is playing a strategy of not making waves, not getting in anyone's face, staying under the radar. So standing up to the bullies certainly wouldn't fit into his strategy. Thing is, all of these guys could have done something.... Even at one point Tarzan tells Christina that no, he wouldn't be her friend in real life, but that he respects her. OK. Weird, right? Is Chrsitina actually worse than we're seeing? Damn edits.
So then Colton goes down with a headache and abdomen pains.
Wait.. there was some other stuff too. Not really much to say about the other tribe at all. They're happy, they win everything. They won ice cream. (Which made me think, man, I'd hate that. What if you were lactose intolerant/allergic to dairy and you haven't eaten normal food in weeks and all of a sudden... here you go - all the ice cream you can eat! It would kill me. I'd totally eat it too, then pay for it later.) The best part to mention about the reward challenge is again how awful Colton & Alicia were. First, they were AWFUL at the challenge. Like, not even close. Terrible. Jeff even called Alicia out for being "pathetic". Christina wasn't super hot at the challenge either, yet somehow Colton & Alicia saw fit to blame her for the team losing and for making fun of how bad she was. Hello pot, meet kettle. And every time Christina would jog back, Colton would whine at her, "Ruuuun-uh". Yeah, more awful.
Right. So yeah, Colton later went down sick. Christina pet his head. And then it turns out that it's appendicitis and he has to be stretchered on out of Survivor. Buh-bye! Obviously, I'm not at all sad about it. I mean (karma warning), I don't wish life-threatening illness on anyone, but uh.... it's kind of like karma 1, Colton 0, right? The next lovely thing was that he chose to keep the immunity idol as a souvenir instead of giving it to Alicia, which really got her leopard underpants in a knot. She outright said she didn't care about Colton and that she was just pissed that he took the idol. Heh heh. Then, all of a sudden, as happens in Survivor, the tables are turned. Now Christina looks like the better person to keep around than Alicia because Alicia has more relationships in the other tribe. It looks like Alicia will get voted out! Yay, right?
Well, sadly, not yet. Just to keep us on our toes, Jeff throws another twist at us! The MERGE! Gah! All 12 people are one tribe again and there are 6 men, 6 women. So it's lovely to see what'll happen.... if the women will stick together (I think not) or if the men will stick together (I think not) or if these new tribe alliances will have any glue (Salani, maybe....). Will Alicia be able to worm her weird boobs back into her original alliance, or will those girls see through her (I hope!) and not trust her? What'll become of Christina? She's a perfect person all of a sudden to NOT vote out. Now that it's an individual game, you want to keep those people around - the ones who don't stand as much chance of winning challenges and who don't have a lot of love. Plus she's an easy vote. The first people to show her some love will have her loyalty. A dude like Jonas should capitalize on this. Things don't look as good all of a sudden for some of our stronger competitors who'll be seen as a threat. Mike, Jay, Troyzan? Tarzan looks like he has a hissy fit next episode and "walks alone".... leaving his alliance entirely. He's some good TV. What the hell is he wearing on his legs, by the way? Pant pieces? Not sure. It's like legwarmers....
Anyway, it's anyone's game once again. I still want to punch Alicia in the face. Oh, and the best part of Tribal Council (in which the teams merged and there was no vote-out because of Colton) is when Jeff told everyone of Colton's appendix, leading our ever-SMRT Kat to do blondes everywhere no favours by opening her eyes wide as saucers and saying, "What's that?" Someone points on her body to where her appendix is. Oh. Then a couple of others say how they've had their appendices out... Kat's eyes grow big again. Jeff: Kat, you look worried. Kat: I'm just worried about how to make my appendix not get sick and have to come out. It seems everyone else has theirs out except me!! Poor thing. She's actually more and more endearing. I'd way rather get stuck anywhere with the dumb blonde than with the awful bullies. At least Kat's not mean. At least now we're one meangirl down, one meangirl to go.....
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Head of the Snake is Clearly Not the Phlebotomist, And Other Analogies
Did you enjoy the switch-up? It's no longer men's tribe vs. women's tribe!! They had to crack eggs and see what colour was inside - whatever colour was what team they ended up on. Fun, right? In a delightfully random pick, it ended up being "Greek Gods" (Colton's term, not mine) vs. "Not So Much" (my term.) Basically, most of the buff, sporty types (Michael, Sabrina, Jay, Kat, Kim, Chelsea & Troyzan) are on the blue (Greek God) team, while the uh... less sporty types (Colton, Alicia, Jonas, Leif, Tarzan, Monica & Christina) ended up on the orange (Not So Much) team. The Survivor gods were smiling on us because this makes for fun TV.
I like it because you get to see which alliances hold up and which fizzle. For example, 4 of the 5-girl alliance are still on one tribe: Sabrina, Kim, Chelsea & Kat. If I'm them, I'm completely elated that horrible Alicia is out of our hair. It's like voting her out without actually voting her out. Plus, if there's a merge later & she's still around, you've got that in your back pocket still. Things look good. On the other hand, Alicia has quickly dumped the men vs. women thing (she clearly is not a girl who likes other girls anyway, so not really a surprise there) and has jumped on the Colton bandwagon. Even though she kinda starts out listening to her instincts telling her to keep the girls together with Colton, she lets Colton talk her into voting out Monica... which is ridiculous. More on that later.
Oh yeah, they're all not living on the same beach any more either. Team Weakling lost the reward challenge so they had to go build a new home on a new beach. So we're all of a sudden back to the "Classic" Survivor scenario that we all know and love. Also, Colton gets to not do anything for a second time as his teammates once again do all the work building the shelter.
Which brings us to the discussion of why Colton is still around. He's clearly not there to make friends. I keep thinking of the Reunion show when we get to see the others' reactions to Colton once they've seen the show. Him saying stuff like, "Not only did I get on a tribe of people that I don't want to be on a tribe with, I got a tribe of people who suck." Now, it is a bit of a misfit group to be sure... and you do have to put up with Tarzan and his blue banana hammock (ummmm.... did we need the shot of Tarzan bending over? Twice?) But, hey Colton, you're not much of a catch either. Here's the thing... Colton is either much less evil-seeming in person that what we see through the show edits, or (as he says) he's just good at making people think what he wants. This seems to be it - he knows what people want to hear & he hands it to them. He's got the "solid" 4-man alliance with Leif, Tarzan & Jonas while he tells each of Alicia, Monica & Christina that he's on their side as well. He works best with the other evil, scheming bitch of the group, Alicia. The two of them together are like Hitler & Mussolini planning a takeover of Europe without really thinking ahead. No one actually likes you? Yeah, yeah, attacking Russia in the winter time? ... No problem. See where I'm going? Some, like Jonas, are like Austria or say, Croatia. I'll go along with the bad guys as long as it gets me further ahead and I don't ruffle any feathers. Others, like Leif... are kind of like France. Believing the Maginot Line (the 4-man alliance) is going to keep the Germans at bay, when they're actually going to blitzkrieg you the first chance they get and later you're really going to kick yourself when you realize you could have done something about it earlier. Yes, I am getting carried away, but the point is, I'm really disappointed in France...errr...Leif.
Leif started off so promising. He's tough, he seemed smart, he had a good alliance. Then he opened his pie-hole and started talking to Bill. Now, even though he has been TOLD by Colton that he's "sealed his fate"... knows that Colton doesn't really trust him... He's still unwilling, or unable perhaps, to make a big move at the right time. This would have been the time for a guy like Leif to step up and persuade Tarzan, Jonas and say, Monica or Christina to blindside Colton. Which, by the way, is the other reason Colton is still around - everyone is allowing it to happen. (Please history buffs, go on and make further analogies to Pre-War German Appeasement. It's fun. Go!) No one on that team is a leader - except Colton. They are all playing the same "keep-your-head-down" game... which can work if you do it right. See Sophie. It doesn't work if you make waves, like Leif... or trust the wrong people, like Monica & Christina.
Speaking of annoying.... Monica & Christina should have known better. Ummm... you know Alicia had it out for you when you were on the women's team - especially Christina! So why on earth would you align with her now. They should have been playing against her, trying to get her voted off asap! Right? Sigh.
Meanwhile, nothing can go wrong for team Greek God. Kim finds another immunity idol and only tells her BFF Chelsea. Smart. They catch a whole whack of food - giant crabs & a chicken. Then they handily win the immunity challenge. It's full contact basketball where the teams go 3-on-3. Uh, yeah, that's not exactly a fair fight. Colton actually worked hard for a change, but got his head held under water (yikes) and poor Leif got picked up & tossed to the side like a sack of potatoes (again.)
So it's pretty much a given that it's Monica going home. Colton wants her gone because she's "the head of the snake" in that she potentially has more friends on the other tribe than Christina or Alicia. The ridiculous part of this is that Monica is pretty much their strongest, most hardworking player. She's the only one who got a point for the team in basketball for instance. So, I'm not sure how they figure they're going to end up.... If you go into the merge with 2 people, you're not doing very well. In my opinion, it was WAY too early to vote off Monica.
The other bit of loveliness in Tribal Council was Jeff asking Tarzan about his 'use of big words' and about his inability to remember names, both of which led to much eye-rolling from Colton. (Then again you could say hello and get an eye-roll from Colton.) Still, Tarzan is weird and great at the same time. I can't decide, but I think I like him a lot.... provided he's wearing pants. Then there was Leif, who sounded like a complete fool the whole time. First he complements Monica in a way that sounded a little bit smitten (Uh... she's really pretty and really hardworking and really pretty.... OK not at all the pretty stuff... but you get it.) Then, when Jeff asks if it throws Leif off when Tarzan uses big words, Leif says something about how it's hard to "EXPLANATE" why..... and how he can't not speak bad. Dude, you are a Phlebotomist!! Not only is it a pretty big word... but you had to at least go to school to become one. Now, I had to look it up and it's basically a medical technician job where you take blood out of a person & put in IV fluid in certain cases such as types of heart disease. Wikipedia tells me the original phlebotomists used leeches! There, we've learned something for today! Here's the thing... I'd hope my phlebotomist was smarter than Leif. And I feel bad for Monica. Even though she didn't need the cash (she's an ex-NFL player's wife as an occupation, for heaven's sakes), she was still one of the most likable people on this season. There aren't many to choose from. And the writing's on the wall for Christina, who was the only other person not in on the vote. Next episode, however, we see the stretcher being brought in for someone on Team Less-Strong. So maybe Christina gets another few days? My money's on Leif, for doing something stupid... or maybe Tarzan 'cause he's older and also less "careful". Who do you think it'll be? Thoughts?
I like it because you get to see which alliances hold up and which fizzle. For example, 4 of the 5-girl alliance are still on one tribe: Sabrina, Kim, Chelsea & Kat. If I'm them, I'm completely elated that horrible Alicia is out of our hair. It's like voting her out without actually voting her out. Plus, if there's a merge later & she's still around, you've got that in your back pocket still. Things look good. On the other hand, Alicia has quickly dumped the men vs. women thing (she clearly is not a girl who likes other girls anyway, so not really a surprise there) and has jumped on the Colton bandwagon. Even though she kinda starts out listening to her instincts telling her to keep the girls together with Colton, she lets Colton talk her into voting out Monica... which is ridiculous. More on that later.
Oh yeah, they're all not living on the same beach any more either. Team Weakling lost the reward challenge so they had to go build a new home on a new beach. So we're all of a sudden back to the "Classic" Survivor scenario that we all know and love. Also, Colton gets to not do anything for a second time as his teammates once again do all the work building the shelter.
Which brings us to the discussion of why Colton is still around. He's clearly not there to make friends. I keep thinking of the Reunion show when we get to see the others' reactions to Colton once they've seen the show. Him saying stuff like, "Not only did I get on a tribe of people that I don't want to be on a tribe with, I got a tribe of people who suck." Now, it is a bit of a misfit group to be sure... and you do have to put up with Tarzan and his blue banana hammock (ummmm.... did we need the shot of Tarzan bending over? Twice?) But, hey Colton, you're not much of a catch either. Here's the thing... Colton is either much less evil-seeming in person that what we see through the show edits, or (as he says) he's just good at making people think what he wants. This seems to be it - he knows what people want to hear & he hands it to them. He's got the "solid" 4-man alliance with Leif, Tarzan & Jonas while he tells each of Alicia, Monica & Christina that he's on their side as well. He works best with the other evil, scheming bitch of the group, Alicia. The two of them together are like Hitler & Mussolini planning a takeover of Europe without really thinking ahead. No one actually likes you? Yeah, yeah, attacking Russia in the winter time? ... No problem. See where I'm going? Some, like Jonas, are like Austria or say, Croatia. I'll go along with the bad guys as long as it gets me further ahead and I don't ruffle any feathers. Others, like Leif... are kind of like France. Believing the Maginot Line (the 4-man alliance) is going to keep the Germans at bay, when they're actually going to blitzkrieg you the first chance they get and later you're really going to kick yourself when you realize you could have done something about it earlier. Yes, I am getting carried away, but the point is, I'm really disappointed in France...errr...Leif.
Leif started off so promising. He's tough, he seemed smart, he had a good alliance. Then he opened his pie-hole and started talking to Bill. Now, even though he has been TOLD by Colton that he's "sealed his fate"... knows that Colton doesn't really trust him... He's still unwilling, or unable perhaps, to make a big move at the right time. This would have been the time for a guy like Leif to step up and persuade Tarzan, Jonas and say, Monica or Christina to blindside Colton. Which, by the way, is the other reason Colton is still around - everyone is allowing it to happen. (Please history buffs, go on and make further analogies to Pre-War German Appeasement. It's fun. Go!) No one on that team is a leader - except Colton. They are all playing the same "keep-your-head-down" game... which can work if you do it right. See Sophie. It doesn't work if you make waves, like Leif... or trust the wrong people, like Monica & Christina.
Speaking of annoying.... Monica & Christina should have known better. Ummm... you know Alicia had it out for you when you were on the women's team - especially Christina! So why on earth would you align with her now. They should have been playing against her, trying to get her voted off asap! Right? Sigh.
Meanwhile, nothing can go wrong for team Greek God. Kim finds another immunity idol and only tells her BFF Chelsea. Smart. They catch a whole whack of food - giant crabs & a chicken. Then they handily win the immunity challenge. It's full contact basketball where the teams go 3-on-3. Uh, yeah, that's not exactly a fair fight. Colton actually worked hard for a change, but got his head held under water (yikes) and poor Leif got picked up & tossed to the side like a sack of potatoes (again.)
So it's pretty much a given that it's Monica going home. Colton wants her gone because she's "the head of the snake" in that she potentially has more friends on the other tribe than Christina or Alicia. The ridiculous part of this is that Monica is pretty much their strongest, most hardworking player. She's the only one who got a point for the team in basketball for instance. So, I'm not sure how they figure they're going to end up.... If you go into the merge with 2 people, you're not doing very well. In my opinion, it was WAY too early to vote off Monica.
The other bit of loveliness in Tribal Council was Jeff asking Tarzan about his 'use of big words' and about his inability to remember names, both of which led to much eye-rolling from Colton. (Then again you could say hello and get an eye-roll from Colton.) Still, Tarzan is weird and great at the same time. I can't decide, but I think I like him a lot.... provided he's wearing pants. Then there was Leif, who sounded like a complete fool the whole time. First he complements Monica in a way that sounded a little bit smitten (Uh... she's really pretty and really hardworking and really pretty.... OK not at all the pretty stuff... but you get it.) Then, when Jeff asks if it throws Leif off when Tarzan uses big words, Leif says something about how it's hard to "EXPLANATE" why..... and how he can't not speak bad. Dude, you are a Phlebotomist!! Not only is it a pretty big word... but you had to at least go to school to become one. Now, I had to look it up and it's basically a medical technician job where you take blood out of a person & put in IV fluid in certain cases such as types of heart disease. Wikipedia tells me the original phlebotomists used leeches! There, we've learned something for today! Here's the thing... I'd hope my phlebotomist was smarter than Leif. And I feel bad for Monica. Even though she didn't need the cash (she's an ex-NFL player's wife as an occupation, for heaven's sakes), she was still one of the most likable people on this season. There aren't many to choose from. And the writing's on the wall for Christina, who was the only other person not in on the vote. Next episode, however, we see the stretcher being brought in for someone on Team Less-Strong. So maybe Christina gets another few days? My money's on Leif, for doing something stupid... or maybe Tarzan 'cause he's older and also less "careful". Who do you think it'll be? Thoughts?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Someone Give Those Men a Midol!
OK, that was one of the craziest Survivor episodes EVER! What the....? I don't even know where to start with this one. I really did not see this coming - that this group of women would end up looking like the sane, reasonable, cohesive ones....
Most of the good drama happened near the end. Before that, there are a few things worth mentioning:
1. Once again, the boys don't get it. Jonas & Troyzan asked the gals if they could try using their net to catch fish because Jonas is from Hawaii and knows how to use it. They would give the girls half the fish caught. Ummmm.... good deal for normal people, but remember how you turned the girls away when they were asking for fire & shelter during that storm? Yeah, they're not interested. Plus, the sisters are doin' it for themselves, thank you very much. They're eating snails and catching some fish & are a-ok. This led to Completely Non-Politically-Correct thing to say #1. Troyzan: "I don't know if their emotions are turning wacky or what, but they're just emotional creatures and they just can't seem to think straight."
2. Emotional Creatures Kick Ass - The girls won the reward challenge, despite their wacky emotions. They got a tarp for their shelter. Tarzan tells the women they were "just lucky." Uh-huh.
3. If a Leif Falls in the Forest - does anybody hear? Just when I was thinking, hey, that Leif is doing really well in this game.... he screws up. He pals up with Bill and lets it slip that Colton had wanted to vote Bill out instead of Matt at the last Tribal. Whoops. You could tell he realized it was dumb the minute it left his lips, but it was out already and naturally, it got back to Colton, who.... without even getting up from his hammock... summons Leif over. Seriously, Colton is the Evil King and has got to be voted out. He's the Russell of this season, I'm a-tellin' y'all. More on that later. Colton pretty much won't listen to Leif's apology (which was pretty lame, I have to admit) and tells him, "You've just sealed your fate." Like he's frickin' Zeus on top of Mount Olympus. Then, Colton goes on to say Completely Non P-C thing to say #2, calling Leif a "munchkin" and saying he's going to "send him back to Oz where he belongs." !!!!! This incident is also the pre-cursor to the Tribal Council drama.
4. The only other funny part to mention before we get back to Colton and how terrible he is.... is when the girls figure out they're going to have to do a puzzle for the immunity challenge & Kat announces that she's not good at puzzles. We all knew that part. The funny part is when Alicia says it's OK, she'll be her partner again.... Kat pretty much tells Alicia that no, she's not very good at puzzles either. Hee hee. Which made Alicia mad (which is pretty much her natural state and probably has something to do with wacky emotions) but then proved totally correct when Alicia and her partner Chelsea totally screwed up the first puzzle in the immunity challenge and lost it for their team. The best part was that Jeff totally wouldn't let it go.... "Ladies, what happened? That was the easiest puzzle and you couldn't do it. You even looked at the men's puzzle and couldn't even copy it. You were the worst puzzle solvers I've ever seen." OK, I'm embellishing a little, but it was good, and I enjoyed seeing that smarmy Alicia squirm a bit. She laughed it off after the challenge and the other girls were pissed! And that top of hers is the WORST. I hate looking at it. It's like both boobs are going in separate directions and then there's a hoop that's desperately trying to force them together. Girlfriend needs some Victoria's Secret. So I was really excited because I thought she might get voted out.... BUT....
The men are lunatics.
Bill tries to talk it out with Colton and Colton shuts him down & is super rude about it. I mean, I get it if you don't like Bill but holy moly, Colton is the hugest drama queen ever. He says Bill "attacked him" and wants him gone. Meanwhile, it filters around how Leif told Bill about the plan to vote him out. All of a sudden, Tarzan especially is all emotionally wacky about how Leif "betrayed" their alliance. Then Colton comes up with the brilliant plan of giving the women immunity and the men going to Tribal Council instead. That's how much he wanted Bill gone and why he won't win this game. He's uh... way too emotional. Really, I can't see how on earth going to Tribal to get rid of someone on your team is better than just hanging on, keeping your numbers up and voting them out later. I mean, surely there would be another time to get rid of Bill... right? Like Jonas said when the women won the tarp but the men were still up in numbers, "I'd rather have a person than donuts any day." (Donuts were the reward the men were going for.)
Now, not all the men like this idea but they eventually go along with Colton so as not to get on his bad side for obvious reasons. Then, it became all confusing because half of the men thought they were going to Tribal to vote out Bill... and the other half (thanks to Tarzan and his ranting) thought they were going to vote out Leif for his terrible "betrayal"....
My ex-boyfriend Jeff's face when the men walk in and not the women was delightful (though, really Jeff? I find it hard to believe that you pretty much usually know everything that's going on, but didn't know the men were coming? At any rate, the suspense made for good TV, so fine.)
Then things get really crazy and there were lots more Completely Non-P-C Things to Say. First there's the fight between Bill and Colton. Colton says he just doesn't like Bill. Jeff: Why? Colton: Because he's a "struggling stand-up comedian. I mean, get a real job. He doesn't even have a back-up plan." Everyone: (jaws dropped.) Bill naturally takes offense and says he's following his dream and has been on his own since he was 17 and shouldn't be told how to be from some white, rich kid who's never had to work a day in his life. Point: Bill. When the race issue comes up, Jeff asks Colton if he's ever been treated badly because he's gay. It's a fair question. Colton says, that no. The people he "associates with" would never treat him badly. Jeff: Do you know any black people? Colton: Sure, I went to all all-white private school but of course I have black people in my life. Jeff: Like...... Colton: My housekeeper.....
Again.... jaws drop.
Colton: But she's like a part of our family.
Jeff: A PAID part of your family.
Colton: Well she ain't gonna work for free.....
Sigh... So you know now why we can't love Colton any more. You just can't be calling little people munchkins and black people ghetto trash. Never even mind all the whining, eye rolling and spoiled brat not working and being lazy behaviour. Thing about him is, gay or straight, rich or poor, good teeth or bad teeth.... Colton's actually just not a very good human. And that's when ol' crazy-pants Tarzan started ranting yet again about how white people and black people should just get along and can't we all just stop talking about race and just judge each other on merits??? Word, brother. Except... that then he goes on to back up Colton. "Yeah, this just isn't showing Colton in a very good light...." There's really no other light available here. Even if we talk about how the editing and whatnot makes some people on Survivor look worse/better than they really are.... there's not much getting around this one. And in Colton's own words, if you can't see that you must be Helen Keller.
Most of the good drama happened near the end. Before that, there are a few things worth mentioning:
1. Once again, the boys don't get it. Jonas & Troyzan asked the gals if they could try using their net to catch fish because Jonas is from Hawaii and knows how to use it. They would give the girls half the fish caught. Ummmm.... good deal for normal people, but remember how you turned the girls away when they were asking for fire & shelter during that storm? Yeah, they're not interested. Plus, the sisters are doin' it for themselves, thank you very much. They're eating snails and catching some fish & are a-ok. This led to Completely Non-Politically-Correct thing to say #1. Troyzan: "I don't know if their emotions are turning wacky or what, but they're just emotional creatures and they just can't seem to think straight."
2. Emotional Creatures Kick Ass - The girls won the reward challenge, despite their wacky emotions. They got a tarp for their shelter. Tarzan tells the women they were "just lucky." Uh-huh.
3. If a Leif Falls in the Forest - does anybody hear? Just when I was thinking, hey, that Leif is doing really well in this game.... he screws up. He pals up with Bill and lets it slip that Colton had wanted to vote Bill out instead of Matt at the last Tribal. Whoops. You could tell he realized it was dumb the minute it left his lips, but it was out already and naturally, it got back to Colton, who.... without even getting up from his hammock... summons Leif over. Seriously, Colton is the Evil King and has got to be voted out. He's the Russell of this season, I'm a-tellin' y'all. More on that later. Colton pretty much won't listen to Leif's apology (which was pretty lame, I have to admit) and tells him, "You've just sealed your fate." Like he's frickin' Zeus on top of Mount Olympus. Then, Colton goes on to say Completely Non P-C thing to say #2, calling Leif a "munchkin" and saying he's going to "send him back to Oz where he belongs." !!!!! This incident is also the pre-cursor to the Tribal Council drama.
4. The only other funny part to mention before we get back to Colton and how terrible he is.... is when the girls figure out they're going to have to do a puzzle for the immunity challenge & Kat announces that she's not good at puzzles. We all knew that part. The funny part is when Alicia says it's OK, she'll be her partner again.... Kat pretty much tells Alicia that no, she's not very good at puzzles either. Hee hee. Which made Alicia mad (which is pretty much her natural state and probably has something to do with wacky emotions) but then proved totally correct when Alicia and her partner Chelsea totally screwed up the first puzzle in the immunity challenge and lost it for their team. The best part was that Jeff totally wouldn't let it go.... "Ladies, what happened? That was the easiest puzzle and you couldn't do it. You even looked at the men's puzzle and couldn't even copy it. You were the worst puzzle solvers I've ever seen." OK, I'm embellishing a little, but it was good, and I enjoyed seeing that smarmy Alicia squirm a bit. She laughed it off after the challenge and the other girls were pissed! And that top of hers is the WORST. I hate looking at it. It's like both boobs are going in separate directions and then there's a hoop that's desperately trying to force them together. Girlfriend needs some Victoria's Secret. So I was really excited because I thought she might get voted out.... BUT....
The men are lunatics.
Bill tries to talk it out with Colton and Colton shuts him down & is super rude about it. I mean, I get it if you don't like Bill but holy moly, Colton is the hugest drama queen ever. He says Bill "attacked him" and wants him gone. Meanwhile, it filters around how Leif told Bill about the plan to vote him out. All of a sudden, Tarzan especially is all emotionally wacky about how Leif "betrayed" their alliance. Then Colton comes up with the brilliant plan of giving the women immunity and the men going to Tribal Council instead. That's how much he wanted Bill gone and why he won't win this game. He's uh... way too emotional. Really, I can't see how on earth going to Tribal to get rid of someone on your team is better than just hanging on, keeping your numbers up and voting them out later. I mean, surely there would be another time to get rid of Bill... right? Like Jonas said when the women won the tarp but the men were still up in numbers, "I'd rather have a person than donuts any day." (Donuts were the reward the men were going for.)
Now, not all the men like this idea but they eventually go along with Colton so as not to get on his bad side for obvious reasons. Then, it became all confusing because half of the men thought they were going to Tribal to vote out Bill... and the other half (thanks to Tarzan and his ranting) thought they were going to vote out Leif for his terrible "betrayal"....
My ex-boyfriend Jeff's face when the men walk in and not the women was delightful (though, really Jeff? I find it hard to believe that you pretty much usually know everything that's going on, but didn't know the men were coming? At any rate, the suspense made for good TV, so fine.)
Then things get really crazy and there were lots more Completely Non-P-C Things to Say. First there's the fight between Bill and Colton. Colton says he just doesn't like Bill. Jeff: Why? Colton: Because he's a "struggling stand-up comedian. I mean, get a real job. He doesn't even have a back-up plan." Everyone: (jaws dropped.) Bill naturally takes offense and says he's following his dream and has been on his own since he was 17 and shouldn't be told how to be from some white, rich kid who's never had to work a day in his life. Point: Bill. When the race issue comes up, Jeff asks Colton if he's ever been treated badly because he's gay. It's a fair question. Colton says, that no. The people he "associates with" would never treat him badly. Jeff: Do you know any black people? Colton: Sure, I went to all all-white private school but of course I have black people in my life. Jeff: Like...... Colton: My housekeeper.....
Again.... jaws drop.
Colton: But she's like a part of our family.
Jeff: A PAID part of your family.
Colton: Well she ain't gonna work for free.....
Sigh... So you know now why we can't love Colton any more. You just can't be calling little people munchkins and black people ghetto trash. Never even mind all the whining, eye rolling and spoiled brat not working and being lazy behaviour. Thing about him is, gay or straight, rich or poor, good teeth or bad teeth.... Colton's actually just not a very good human. And that's when ol' crazy-pants Tarzan started ranting yet again about how white people and black people should just get along and can't we all just stop talking about race and just judge each other on merits??? Word, brother. Except... that then he goes on to back up Colton. "Yeah, this just isn't showing Colton in a very good light...." There's really no other light available here. Even if we talk about how the editing and whatnot makes some people on Survivor look worse/better than they really are.... there's not much getting around this one. And in Colton's own words, if you can't see that you must be Helen Keller.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Chickens 3, Roosters 0
The girls finally got their act together at a time when it seemed like they wouldn't. They battled through some terrible conditions, with the rain pouring down on them only to emerge stronger in the end. Sort of.
As much as I'm all for the statement above... I still can't figure out why the girls suck so much at making a fire. Their fire goes out in the rain.... OK, I get that. The boys have a waterproof tarp and the girls don't. But they can't even seem to know what to do when they're given an ember by the boys... which was a pretty nice gesture. Then, when a few girls keep coming back to the boys' fire to keep warm, the boys say.... you know, you should probably share something of yours since we gave you the fire. Seems fair, right? Not these girls. A few of them at least (Alicia, Chelsea...) seem genuinely put out that the boys would ask for something in return. No wonder then that the dudes find these girls pretty spoiled and awful, right?
The girls won a reward - fishing gear and a canoe - in a memory challenge that the boys completely tanked at. There was one lovely moment when Kat was up against.... who? Troyzan I think? And they had to re-do the challenge like eight times because neither one could get it right. Hee. Kat eventually did. Seems the poor girl needs eight tries to get most things right. But the girls won, used the canoe to go get some little fish and had their spririts greatly lifted.
Someone just asked me how it was that everyone seemed so dry for the challenge when it was pouring rain. I don't have an answer for that. Jeff - well he's magic. The others... hard to say. Not sure if it had just started raining, or if maybe they get to wait somewhere dry while the challenge is prepared.... If you know, please share.
The boys blew a huge lead in the immunity challenge. Bill had to call directions in one of those blindfold challenges, which he did well.... then he had to do the puzzle, which he did not do very well. Sabrina wasn't the best at the directions part but then she kicked butt at the puzzle. Girls win. Now's when it gets interesting.
The Ab-4. Let's discuss for a minute how a four-man alliance thought they'd be safe. Ummmm.... can't they do math? There are 9 guys. 4 are in your alliance. 5 are not. How did they let this happen? Matt... a lawyer with his own law firm, Matthew J. Quinlan Law Offices, did not foresee this being a problem. I honestly think he just figured that they are the cool, popular jocks and no one would vote them out because they are so strong. Ummm... have you ever seen this show? How long do the muscle guys usually last? (Well, honestly, they usually do last longer than this.... but not when they make dumbass alliances.) So when the guys lose the challenge and Matt finally does the math... he sees the other five talking. So does Jay. Jay goes up first, and in his cute/annoying voice asks what's going on. The five offer him an olive brance & Tarzan says, "Looks like you backed the wrong horse." They tell Jay that if he changes his mind right now, he can be with them. Jay agrees. Way to go, male model! Then Matt comes on up. When he realizes what's going on, he pulls Troyzan aside and shovels him the hugest load of crap I've ever heard on this show. Something about how he should have been in their alliance all along.... and really they should make another alliance with Jonas and... oh I can't remember.... and then something crazy about how they are roosters and the rest of the "regular joes" are chickens and the roosters deserve to be in control... and on... and on... and on. Whaaaaaat? And Troyzan was a champ. He just listened to all of it, shook hands with Matt, and voted his butt out of the game. Hee hee. Troyzan: "It's not Survivor unless someone's lying." Love him.
OK, so it was Matt who ended up getting voted out, but it was almost Bill. Let's discuss Bill for a sec. Bill is full-on nuts. I had no idea. Well, first of all, Bill might have gotten the vote just for losing the challenge. Then there's the fact that he's super annoying, especially to Colton. Colton's facial expressions whenever Bill talks kill me. (Colton went so far as to say that Bill was "ghetto trash" which might have been taking things a bit far, non? However, I think I'd have trouble living with Bill too.) And Colton kind of controls his alliance. He was delightful in Tribal Council. "I know I'm not going home because I've got the idol." Jeff gets big eyes. Jeff goes on to ask Colton if he thinks he's putting a huge target on his back because of his association with the girls. "Nooooooo, not really", says Colton. "It's just that all my friends are girls back home and I'm more comfortable with them. Girls pet you and tell you everything's ok..." Jeff's eyes get bigger. Now, I think it was Bill - in a moment of clarity - who said that maybe Colton judged the rest of the men as much as he thought he was being judged himself. Hmmm. Discuss.
Then, when asked about his own feelings about being at Tribal Council.... Bill spouted off some serious Crazy. Something like...."DUDE, I am so JACKED to be here. It's crazy. I am like, so excited. Even if I'm the one to go home, at least I was here and it's AMAZING. I'm PUMPED. Let's DO THIS THING!" Uhhhh, take it down a notch. This is where Colton was like, "See?" So the way I see it, the girls never ate their two chickens they caught and now the average-joe-chicken alliance edges out the ab-4-rooster alliance leading me to believe that it is, in fact, better to be a chicken than a lawyer with your own firm, Matthew J. Quinlan Law Offices. Chickens 3, Roosters zip. There are tons more jokes in there too, about being cocky, and about how eating crow tastes a lot like chicken, but I'm too sick to come up with them.
As much as I'm all for the statement above... I still can't figure out why the girls suck so much at making a fire. Their fire goes out in the rain.... OK, I get that. The boys have a waterproof tarp and the girls don't. But they can't even seem to know what to do when they're given an ember by the boys... which was a pretty nice gesture. Then, when a few girls keep coming back to the boys' fire to keep warm, the boys say.... you know, you should probably share something of yours since we gave you the fire. Seems fair, right? Not these girls. A few of them at least (Alicia, Chelsea...) seem genuinely put out that the boys would ask for something in return. No wonder then that the dudes find these girls pretty spoiled and awful, right?
The girls won a reward - fishing gear and a canoe - in a memory challenge that the boys completely tanked at. There was one lovely moment when Kat was up against.... who? Troyzan I think? And they had to re-do the challenge like eight times because neither one could get it right. Hee. Kat eventually did. Seems the poor girl needs eight tries to get most things right. But the girls won, used the canoe to go get some little fish and had their spririts greatly lifted.
Someone just asked me how it was that everyone seemed so dry for the challenge when it was pouring rain. I don't have an answer for that. Jeff - well he's magic. The others... hard to say. Not sure if it had just started raining, or if maybe they get to wait somewhere dry while the challenge is prepared.... If you know, please share.
The boys blew a huge lead in the immunity challenge. Bill had to call directions in one of those blindfold challenges, which he did well.... then he had to do the puzzle, which he did not do very well. Sabrina wasn't the best at the directions part but then she kicked butt at the puzzle. Girls win. Now's when it gets interesting.
The Ab-4. Let's discuss for a minute how a four-man alliance thought they'd be safe. Ummmm.... can't they do math? There are 9 guys. 4 are in your alliance. 5 are not. How did they let this happen? Matt... a lawyer with his own law firm, Matthew J. Quinlan Law Offices, did not foresee this being a problem. I honestly think he just figured that they are the cool, popular jocks and no one would vote them out because they are so strong. Ummm... have you ever seen this show? How long do the muscle guys usually last? (Well, honestly, they usually do last longer than this.... but not when they make dumbass alliances.) So when the guys lose the challenge and Matt finally does the math... he sees the other five talking. So does Jay. Jay goes up first, and in his cute/annoying voice asks what's going on. The five offer him an olive brance & Tarzan says, "Looks like you backed the wrong horse." They tell Jay that if he changes his mind right now, he can be with them. Jay agrees. Way to go, male model! Then Matt comes on up. When he realizes what's going on, he pulls Troyzan aside and shovels him the hugest load of crap I've ever heard on this show. Something about how he should have been in their alliance all along.... and really they should make another alliance with Jonas and... oh I can't remember.... and then something crazy about how they are roosters and the rest of the "regular joes" are chickens and the roosters deserve to be in control... and on... and on... and on. Whaaaaaat? And Troyzan was a champ. He just listened to all of it, shook hands with Matt, and voted his butt out of the game. Hee hee. Troyzan: "It's not Survivor unless someone's lying." Love him.
OK, so it was Matt who ended up getting voted out, but it was almost Bill. Let's discuss Bill for a sec. Bill is full-on nuts. I had no idea. Well, first of all, Bill might have gotten the vote just for losing the challenge. Then there's the fact that he's super annoying, especially to Colton. Colton's facial expressions whenever Bill talks kill me. (Colton went so far as to say that Bill was "ghetto trash" which might have been taking things a bit far, non? However, I think I'd have trouble living with Bill too.) And Colton kind of controls his alliance. He was delightful in Tribal Council. "I know I'm not going home because I've got the idol." Jeff gets big eyes. Jeff goes on to ask Colton if he thinks he's putting a huge target on his back because of his association with the girls. "Nooooooo, not really", says Colton. "It's just that all my friends are girls back home and I'm more comfortable with them. Girls pet you and tell you everything's ok..." Jeff's eyes get bigger. Now, I think it was Bill - in a moment of clarity - who said that maybe Colton judged the rest of the men as much as he thought he was being judged himself. Hmmm. Discuss.
Then, when asked about his own feelings about being at Tribal Council.... Bill spouted off some serious Crazy. Something like...."DUDE, I am so JACKED to be here. It's crazy. I am like, so excited. Even if I'm the one to go home, at least I was here and it's AMAZING. I'm PUMPED. Let's DO THIS THING!" Uhhhh, take it down a notch. This is where Colton was like, "See?" So the way I see it, the girls never ate their two chickens they caught and now the average-joe-chicken alliance edges out the ab-4-rooster alliance leading me to believe that it is, in fact, better to be a chicken than a lawyer with your own firm, Matthew J. Quinlan Law Offices. Chickens 3, Roosters zip. There are tons more jokes in there too, about being cocky, and about how eating crow tastes a lot like chicken, but I'm too sick to come up with them.
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