SOPHIE! The New Dragon Slayer!

Gah!  Sophie!!! 

OK, so I'll start with the fact that I called it wrong.  I'll admit it.  Well, who knew that the lone girl would be the one to beat Ozzy in a challenge.  Had Ozzy won that challenge, and he had a sizable lead, he would have won for sure.  But, Sophie kicked some serious butt both physically (and it was a tough looking challenge!) and in the puzzle portion.  Seriously, has anyone beaten Ozzy at a challenge?  And what made it sweeter - for Sophie anyway - was the fact that in the Tribal Council before, Ozzy had called her a spoiled brat and made her cry.  Now, Sophie doesn't seem the type to cry easily, but it's that kind of game, right?  It must take a toll on you eventually.  You have no one really to talk to that you can trust, and anyone can just say anything about you.  It would suck.  I think I'd cry too. 

Right... so I'm ahead of myself a little, but I'm not giving you the play by play.  Suffice it to say that Cowboy got the boot (and boy, was he pissed!  More on that in a bit.) then Ozzy, then it was down to Albert, Sophie and Coach. 

I think it was a toss-up for Coach and Sophie whether to keep Albert or Rick.  I think at the end of the day, Rick is more likable so they got rid of him.  I'm not really sure why they didn't tell him that in the final tribal council because he was MAD.  I mean, for a guy who was mute for the entire season, it was great to see him have a little personality.  I loved watching him give Coach the cut-eye. 

It always blows my mind, though, how the jury just comes off for the most part as sore losers.  Right?  I mean, have you watched the show?  How do you not know that you just look like a sore loser when you go up there and just insult the final 3 or lecture them on "morals" or whatever it may be?  My absolute favourite was Edna last night - she gets up there and lectures the JURY - telling them that hey, you got beaten fair & square.  "We signed up for this.  It's a game where you get duped, and we all got duped."  Love Edna!  She's totally right.... and if you read this blog, you know where I stand on the whole "playing with integrity" nonsense....

.... Which is why I so loved watching Coach play the game this season.  For one, he has changed how he's behaving and how he's approaching others, which we've discussed before.  But the other thing is that he's still trying to play the game "with honour and integrity".... And, it's why he made it to the finals but also why he lost, ultimately.  He got to the finals by keeping his alliance loyal and by staying loyal to them.  But, by going on and on about it all the time - the loyalty, the honour, the integrity.... and then also tying it to religion.... he painted himself into a corner.  Up until the final 5, he played an almost perfect game.  But at 5, you've got to start cutting your team - which is why I predicted a while back that he wouldn't win.  The Ozzy tribe doesn't "get" him and the people on his own tribe will feel betrayed.  There's not really a way to play and be entirely 'honest' about it.  You'll get yourself voted off.  That's the "Outwitting" part of the game - it's not real life, it's OK to deceive people in order to get yourself further in the game.  But, because of the social nature of the game, it's ridiculously hard to do that and still have their vote at the end.  That's the beauty of the show - it's what Boston Rob did well and what Russell did not (and clearly still doesn't) understand.  And it was really great to watch Coach struggle with it.  He truly meant well, but he recognized that he couldn't be honest to everybody all the time... and his own mouthing off about honesty & integrity came back to bite him in the ass.

Now, the thing is, Coach also did himself no favours in the final tribal council.  Sophie had the better pitch and was more consistent in her message. 

Sophie's message:  I won a lot of challenges. I played very strategically.  I didn't like voting some of you out, but I did what I had to do to get where I am.  I realize and take to heart what Ozzy said & I think I'm difficult to get to know, and sorry if that came off as being aloof or pretentious.  It's made me think hard about how I come across to people and I'm going to try to change that.

Coach's message:  I played with honour and integrity as much as I could.  (Then after getting slammed by the jury....) Yeah, I'm pretty much a terrible person and did not have a very strategic game at all.

Whaaaaaat?  Coach totally should have stuck to the first message, right?  Had he said, look, I played with as much honour as I could knowing that I'd have to vote against people I didn't want to vote against.  I did the best I could to be as honest as possible and never meant anything personally, but it's impossible to be completely honest in this game.  I had hard decisions to make and I made them.  The strategy to get here was all mine (or at least should say that he came up with the strategy WITH Sophie).  

And, when it looked like Coach was gaining  a little ground at one point, Sophie threw him under the bus in a way that didn't really look like she was a jerk.  When the hidden immunity idol came up (someone asked Coach why he never played it), she just said, "Oh, and FYI, we found the idol and didn't tell anyone.  It wasn't until Brandon was gung ho to find it did we pretend to find it and share it with the tribe.)  Baby's face DROPPED.  Heh heh.  Well played, Sophie!! 

Albert.... well, there's always a third, right?  No one was voting for Albert, it was clear.  He's way too smarmy.  I think it was Jim who asked him why he thought he deserved to win over the other two and then said "And if you start by paying them a compliment, you lose my vote."  Well, he started by paying JIM a compliment.... "I really liked how you played the game..."  Ugh.... Sophie called it - he's a used car salesman.

Sophie won it.  I was glad.  As much as part of me wanted Coach to win it, I thought her game was as good if not better.  I liked that she managed it you know, in her first time playing vs. her third.... and I liked that she is the new dragon slayer.... the only one who could compete against Ozzy. 

As for the Reunion show.... I wanted to punch Ozzy in the face.  OK, that's a bit drastic, but ummmmm.... shut UP.  Dude was allowed to go on and on and on about how he found God in nature and how you have to learn to get up after you fall down, and kids, you can do whatever you want in life... and blah, blah, blah. I mean really, we get it.  He'd have kept going too, if my ex-boyfriend Jeff hadn't intervened.  And then we don't get to hear at all from some of the former Survivors.  Remember when they would get around to everyone?  That was fun - even if they only got a one-liner, it's still a bit of respect to acknowledge them.  I mean, I'm glad that Semhar didn't start in with a poem, as I'm sure she had one lined up.... but Papa Bear?  He'd have had something to say.  And was Mikayla even there?  I didn't see her. 

I liked that Christine and Stacey are new BFFs and "call each other every day."  That's pretty cool.  And I love that Whitney and Keith said that yes, they're still dating even though as Jeff put it, Whitney was "in another relationship" when the show started. Uh, yeah, she was married!  (And uh, Whitney started off her jury questioning by telling the three finalists that they were... what was it?  Dishonest?  Disloyal?  Something like that.  Right, cheater.)  I liked that Jim was still a jerk to Cochran, if only to show the world that yes, even off the island, Jim is a bully and a total jerk.  Cochran was, of course, charming.

And then there was Baby Hantz.  Can we all agree that we felt bad for Baby.  For all the loco... and really, really awful game-play, you've got to admit that Baby meant well.  He struggled to play Survivor because he struggles in life between what's good and what's not, what's right and what's wrong.  He was clearly playing his own game and I think probably came out the better person for it, if not the richer.  But when Jeff asked how it was when he got home & he said that his family wasn't proud of him and that no one even came to support him.... it was sad, non?  His wife and kids (Kids? Plural?) love him, so that's good, but the rest of his family... not so much.  Which explains a lot, right?  I mean, we've seen the line of bullies he comes from.  It explains why he probably was looking for other forms of approval in gangs.... And you could see watching the show that what the kid desperately wants is some real friends.  Then, Jeff interviews Russell, who I'm sure is contractually obligated to be there - and is clearly not there to support his nephew.  He goes on about how great HE was at Survivor (uh, do we have to remind him again about how he hasn't won ever?) and how his nephew did NOTHING right.  Yep,  he said nothing nice at all about Baby.  Russell is a Class-A turd.  Baby Hantz is a bit loco, and yeah he's not a great Survivor player, but I really want to give him a hug. Then my ex-boyfriend Jeff said, "We should have another season with Russell on one team and Brandon on another."  For the love of puppies and candy, NO!  Enough Hantzes.  Move on, Jeff.  Move on.

Bringing us to next season, where the idea is that there will be two tribes who have to live together on one island.  Fun, right?  It doesn't sound at this point that there will be any returning cast members (thankfully!) though I'm sure that could change.  I do like that they're changing it up again a little.

So, let me know what you think...about Sophie, Coach, Ozzy, the Hantzes, this blog, the next season, fighting in hockey...whatever.  I'd love to hear from you.  Many thanks to all of you who read regularly.  It is always a highlight of my week.

No One Puts Baby in a Corner. Except, well... Baby.

I'm "live blogging" right now, 'cause I missed the show last night (Prince concert!) and am watching on my lunch break!  Gah!

Oh my goodness, Albert trying to blindside Sophie.  What a jerk!  I mean he's probably right... of course you don't want to sit next to her at the end. But... jerk!  So Albert tries to go to the end with Coach and Rick.  Albert certainly thinks a lot of himself, non? 

OK, so the duel. Ozzy vs. Edna....Fun!  Puzzle.... good for Edna.  Edna getting help from the whole tribe.  She almost had it but nope.  The Oz man wins again.  See?  Hate to say I told ya so, but uh, I told ya so. Whenever the clever editors make it look like something's gonna happen, it generally doesn't.  Same with the vote at the end.  Ask yourself who is it edited to look like will be voted off?  It'll be the other person.

Albert:  "Ozzy has so many more resources than we do."  (Uh... or you could get off your lazy ass and go fishing.) 

Sophie:  We have to send Brandon to redemption (aka Ozzy's Pleasure Dome!  Ha!  Good one, Soph!). 

So is it team Albert or team Sophie?  I thought they were tight.  Huh.  Now they're opposites.  Coach:  I think it's because Sophie's smarter than Albert & he knows it.  See?  Coach is a smarty pants.  And Coach is in charge... so I'm guessing right now, it won't be Sophie, it'll be Baby Hantz.

Coach mentioning that Baby's Dad came down & gave Baby a "shot of the Hantz"... Hee hee.  Then, explaining it to us, Coach says, "First, it's rude to interrupt someone's conversation."  Ha!  Yes, now it's all about manners. You can tell that Coach is talking himself into justifying (like he has to!) voting off Loco.   "Don't be like Russell," says Coach to Baby, "You're being a bully."  Uh, because he said he feels weird about not knowing all the conversations. This one time, I'm with Baby. That was uncalled for. But then, Baby:  "Please give me a hug, man."  Aaaand it's all good.  Or is it?  Coach:   "The apple never falls far from the tree... I know what I need to do." (All Godfather like) Then, out of nowhere... Baby shows up..."Cheer up, God's got everything under control."  Baby seems to sneak up on people like that.  He must have soft feet. 

Immunity challenge... plus pizza reward.  Brandon in the lead?  Rick in the lead?  What the?  OK, well, Rick not doing so well on the puzzle.  Baby Hantz wins!! Dang it. Yeah, point to the sky.... (Aside... I hate this trend. They do it in football, baseball... the Grammys... now when you win on Survivor you need to point to the sky? Ugh.)   Oh. Now what?  Why does he choose Cowboy to eat pizza?  What the?  Not Coach?  Really?  Coach, I'm pissed, but I believe in divine intervention and I'm at peace with that.  I love Coach.  Really. Coach is playing a GREAT game.  It's too bad the jury isn't seeing the mastery.

Oh my god.  The pizza was just delivered via jet ski.  Hilarious.  Almost as good as when Jeff took the jet ski to New York (or was it LA?) to deliver the final votes for the finale that time.... Ah, memories....

Now Coach & Sophie want to vote out Albert. Albert is a weasel and would deserve it.

Baby:  "You've got a lot of people who don't know how to tell the truth."  Ummm... that's because you don't HAVE to tell the truth all the time on Survivor, dummy.   Oh, and the finger pointing begins. And the Cowboy speaks!!  Cowboy tells Baby that Albert promised him final two.  Delightful.  And yes, Albert, you have thrown everyone under the bus.  Sophie:  "It's so gratifying.  It's like he's in the toilet bowl and we all get to flush it.  He keeps trying to scramble back up, but hopefully Jeff will give it the final flush."  Hee.  But hey, Brandon is CRAZEEEE-LOCO and doesn't have a clue what to do... he can be completely swayed on a minute-by-minute basis.  Baby is going to give Albert the immunity necklace!!!  WHAT?  It's Loco and not exactly brilliant.  And of course he tells Coach.  What?  OK, now Coach prays for guidance.  He's voting for Brandon. Yep... I knew it as soon as he said 'My soul has never grieved as it does in this moment."  And ummmm, really?  That's a stretch... or else Coach has lived a fairly sheltered existence.

Brandon... first thing out of his mouth at Tribal - Jeff aghast... "I want to give my immunity necklace up."  Gives it to Albert.  Jeff: "Baby, you seem like you have the weight of the entire planet on your shoulders."  Ah, he was in the gang scene.  Explains a lot.  Baby tells about how he would have "taken a bullet" for anyone in his gang, but when it came down to it, they all left him out to dry.  Ah ha.  So basically, God is the only thing Baby trusts.... and the dude really.... REALLY... is impressionable.  And then proves again how impressionable by saying re: Coach and Albert that "They are my best friends."  And at least the jury can see that Albert is full of it.  Jeff (clever Jeff) offers up that maybe Albert should give Baby back the necklace.... And, no.  Albert's no dummy.  Weasel, yes.  Dummy, no.  GAH! 

Rick, as he's voting for Baby - "Dumb move."  It's all up to Coach!!  I think it'll be Baby... Baby.... Baby.....Hantz.....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand..... it's................. Baby.   Says Coach to Baby:  "It's God's will - go win redemption." Right.  Wow.  And now the jury's seen Albert's craziness.... but, they've also seen Coach turn his back on Baby.  And whoever wins out of Baby or Ozzy will re-enter the game!  Fun.  And really, the whole "Redemption" thing means a lot to Baby, so he could pull it out and beat Ozzy (though, I don't think he will.) It's a good story, though, right?  Jesus freak vs. Jesus of the Jungle himself.  You can't write this stuff.

Don't forget the finale is on Sunday! 

I'm still predicting Ozzy.  I want Coach to win, and I think he'll be smarter than Ozzy in the questioning if it comes down to the two of them.  Thing is, I don't think the majority of the jury 'gets' Coach.  We'll see.  Could someone like Sophie get in there as the third and give them a run for it?  Possible.  She's smart, well-spoken, and well-liked.  She hasn't played before.  Crazier things have happened.  Never forget Natalie.

On: The Family's Families, Editing, and Way Too Much Information About Jeff

Final Five!  Uh... well, six actually.  It's Ozzy vs. the rest of the Coach tribe:  Coach, Sophie, Albert, Cowboy and Baby Hantz!  Also, technically, Edna is still in the game right?  She's gone to Redemption Island, and by the look of next week's episode, gives Oz a run for his money in the challenge. How fun would it be if Edna was the one to knock out Ozzy???  OK, getting ahead of myself.....

It was the family episode.  Aaaaaah, the family episode is always one of my faves. Do you love it?  I've said it before, it's one of the best shows because it really makes our "characters" into real people.  Oh yeah, he's not just a cowboy, he's got a wife! (I loved that he squeezed her butt... cute!) Coach has a brother who has shorter hair but looks alarmingly similar. Baby Hantz's dad looks uh, 30...and a little bit like a Baldwin brother.... They all have people who love them because of who they REALLY are... not just these characters they've become on TV.  And I'm not going to dig at them for crying.... Hell, I'd probably be the Dawn who cries on the first day.  It's hard to be away from family, especially if you're not used to it... and it's hard to watch other people get all emotional and not get a little choked up yourself. Then again, I got a little teary during the movie preview for War Horse the other day too, so maybe it's just me. 

Speaking of emotion - Ozzy beat Cochran in the duel (finally back to two people only! Yay!), but BARELY.  Cochran did an awesome job of catching up and it was fun to see everyone on Team Coach rooting for him. Alas, he didn't quite make it.  He was pretty emotional to be sent packing, but you could tell it was also a proud moment to have been so close to beating Oz and to have even made it as far as he did.  Even my boyfriend Jeff told him that he was 'reborn' out here and became a different person, and like Dawn, I think it's corny but true in this case.  Best for me was when Cochran said how much he loves Survivor and how he was thrilled to hear Jeff say things like 'Come on in, guys'.  "I was one of the guys!!" says Cochran.  Cute right? 

Right.  So then Ozzy got to choose 3 Survivors to spend time at his camp with their family member.  He chose Albert, Coach and Baby Hantz.  Product placement ensued!  (As an aside, and I may have mentioned this last season... but I read an interview with Jeff where he was asked about all the annoying product placement and he basically agreed that it's annoying, but said it's a way for the show to make more money and therefore have money to do cooler things with.  Also, the sponsors dig it because we sort of have to see their products rather than fast-forward through their commercials.  Right?  I get it.  I still hate it, but I get it.) Anyway, the best things to mention here are 1) that Coach made a pact with Ozzy for final two that seems legit and 2) that Baby's weirdly young dad (Russell's brother) is a bit of a jerk.  First off, I liked him for trying to get Baby to stop being an idiot and start playing the game properly.  To no avail.  Baby is convinced that the million dollars is not the point.... he is there to show people something about how you can be crazy, not care about a million dollars, but uh, praise the lord and have integrity or something.  But then, Baby's daddy tried to bully Coach into promising that he was taking Baby to the end.  Gah!  Not a really good idea given Coach's former relationship with his brother.  To his credit, Coach didn't promise anything.... but it might be true anyway.... Hell, I'd take Loco with me to the end.  He'd be the perfect person to have next to you!!

By the way, I'm loving Coach more and more.  I know I've already said this... but I totally love the way he's playing.  It's just enough crazy (or potential crazy) to keep us interested, but it's also a guy who's learned a lot from his past experience.  Recently I read where Coach said, "I learned something valuable the last time I played. You can't expect people to meet you where you are, you have to meet them where they are."  What? Coach?  Really?  Yep...  he's odd, but he's not dumb.  And oh yeah, he won immunity... not that he needed it. 

Which brings us to Edna and editing.  It's my feeling that if the Survivor editors make it LOOK like something's going to happen, it won't.  Which is why I don't really think Edna's going to beat Ozzy next week, and I didn't actually think the tribe would keep Edna over Baby.  For one, they want someone who'll get voted out for good and Edna had (at least we think) a better chance of losing to Ozzy. The best reason, however, is that the final five is solid.  There's no way any one of them is going against the others.  And remember how Coach & Baby shook hands "as men of God"????? Well, corny as it may seem to some, that actually means A LOT to both Coach and Baby.  Coach even said it when he made the Ozzy pact last night.... "When I promise something 'as a Christian man' it really means something."  It's a bit of a crazy, Christian-mixed-with-Samurai-Warrior thing he's got going, but he hasn't wavered from it.  Thing is, the jury won't get it.... and I think it's Ozzy's game to lose.  In Coach's mind, he hasn't betrayed people like Cochran or Edna... but in their minds?  Not so sure.  And the former Ozzy tribe people just think he's a wingnut.

Edna scrambled hard and darn it, she's totally right that she 'deserves it' more than Baby Hantz.  It's got to be super frustrating to know that you're #6 only because you didn't chat on the beach with the other five people one night early on and that Loco kid did.  But, that's how it goes.  She did her best to persuade the tribe that she was better to keep than Baby and she even tried to persuade Coach to give her the immunity idol.  These are things that would have worked in the past with other groups, but not with this one.  I hope she does give Ozzy a run for his money!!

So that's about it.  A few bits of information to share... if you don't already know:

1)  I just read that Whitney is married to some dude named Donny! She kept it secret from not only Survivor, but from friends and family as well (????)  Apparently, Mrs. Donny and Keith are still an item and poor Donny is on the outs.  Moral of the story:  Don't get married & then spend your honeymoon snuggling with a (different) hunky guy in the South Pacific.  In related news, Cochran gets to tell Whitney that she disgusts him!! 

2) Sadly, my boyfriend Jeff has gotten married.... to someone else!  What what?  Well, OK, I'm married too and don't plan on pulling a Whitney any time soon... but sigh.... sad the romance is over.  I'm sure it's because Jeff knew he was no match for my man, who's perfectly awesome.  (Cue mushy Survivor "family episode" music).  I did look up the new wife and she's lovely.  Her actress resume is umm, less than impressive though.  Her latest listing is for Sinbad: The Battle of the Dark Knights.  Not exactly an Oscar contender. Her ex-husband was on NYPD Blue though.  Too much?

3) It's almost over!  Mark your calendars &/or set your PVRs next week!  There should be one more regular episode on Wednesday, then the finale on Sunday!  So exciting!

The Family Owes No One

OK, well let's start with how I love that Cochran and I used the same Manson reference to refer to the "Family" that Coach has created.... I think he knew that he wasn't getting in that easily.  That's the thing about families... it's pretty hard to be the new guy.  So let's discuss the "Family."

So brilliant on Coach's part, right?  Call it a family, become the head of said family, talk a LOT about loyalty, honour, respect and follow it up with actions.  Coach, so far, hasn't betrayed anyone in his original alliance.  If there's one thing you should always remember about Coach is that no matter how much the clever Survivor editors make it look like he might flip... he won't.  That's his schtick.  He wants to win the game "with integrity"... which, don't get me started... but it's still at least a game strategy, right?  I do love a player with some game strategy! 

Here's the thing though... How do the other players think they're going to beat Coach?  I suppose they all just count on winning immunity to the end... but then what?  If it's say, Albert vs. Coach in the final.... ummm... how does Albert figure he'd get more jury votes?  I suppose you count on the fact that Coach will betray or back stab someone along the way, but he won't.  See above.  Coach has an order, and he's following it to a T.  Sadly for Cochran & Edna, they found out that they were on the bottom of the order.  Cochran did his best to stay (we'll talk about this in a bit) but Edna was pissed.  Edna all this time has figured she's tight with the group... that "they're all equal."  Edna also believes in the tooth fairy.  She must, because, ummmm... girlfriend, it's Survivor.  No one is equal.  Can't blame her, though, and by the looks of next week's show, it seems that the order may get shaken up a bit. 

So back to Coach...  If I'm Edna & Cochran, I'd think I'd put Coach forward as a potential vote rather than Rick.  Rick should already know he's not top-3 material.  Though, we've finally heard a few sentences from him.... like when he said to Edna that he calls Albert "Prince Albert" because he's so lazy.... hee hee.  Edna & Cochran tried to use the Prince comment to turn Albert against Rick... and I think it did tick him off a bit... but not enough.  But why not vote off Coach?  He's a strong leader who's holding all the cards at the moment.  And,  he has the immunity idol.  No one is willing to go against the head of the family, but in keeping him in that position, they're also kind of handing it to him. 

I do find it interesting that the strategy - at least for Coach - is not to take the weakest players with you to the end.... You'd think taking Cochran and/or Edna would be a good idea.  But again, Coach is sticking to his original five for now.  (Remember, it was five plus Edna?)  Still, if I'm Coach, taking any of Brandon, Albert or Rick is probably guaranteed money anyway.  Only Sophie, to me, is a threat because she wins challenges and she's got some legit strategy going on.  The other ones... not so much.

Cochran tried to stay.  He's a smart, smart little weasel.  He told them it's his birthday coming up - which it was totally not.  It did get him a shower & massage - as a reward, given up by Albert.  Not entirely sure why Albert gave it to Cochran and not to his closest pal, Sophie.... except maybe he's just trying to be nice?  I kind of do think Albert is chomping at the bit to shake the game up & maybe wanted to show that he's in favour of Cochran over the cowboy... but my feeling is that Sophie wears the pants in this branch of the Family.  So in addition to the birthday thing, Cochran also tried to guilt the tribe into keeping him by saying they owed him.  Well, no one really likes to be told they owe someone something, right?  He's like that friend who can't just buy you a beer and be done with it, but has to REMIND you every time... "Remember when I bought you that beer two months ago?  You OWE ME!"  Ugh... Cochran's social (and likely beer drinking) skills let him down on this one. At the end of the day, even if some wanted to keep him around, the Family stuck together and that's the only reason he got the vote.  It's too bad he had to use the word "humiliating" about seven times during Tribal Council.... that in itself I think just reminded everyone that yeah, they might feel a bit bad, but he is annoying, so it's ok. 

Aaaaaaaaaaand Baby Hantz had yet another breakdown at Tribal Council where he did his usual 1) crying and 2) laying everything on the table.  "I'm just going to say I'm voting for Cochran this time and Edna next time.  There you have it."  My BF Jeff's eyes just about popped out of his head.  Is this a liability, he asks the tribe.  Not if you're on Baby's side, says Coach.  Too true.  Baby, like Coach, will not waver in his loyalty.  Baby's an easy vote, he'll do what you say, and everyone knows he's Loco.  Read: PERFECT person to have with you at the end.  Hell, he would probably just give Coach the money.  Something again last night about just trying to be good.... I don't know.  Dude has troubles.  I don't even think Manson has this many inner struggles....

Oh yeah, then there's Ozzy, who handily defeated Whitney & Dawn at a dish stacking challenge.  (Did you feel kinda sad/proud of Dawn?  I did... She's one of the few who I actually believe when she says the experience will change her... Whitney... meh.  I'm happy for her that the canoodling with Keith can start up again and I hope they make beautiful, snobby babies together.)  Ozzy will make it to the end.  He just will.  I completely love his game though I don't love Ozzy himself. The stoner Tarzan thing is getting a bit old and yeah, yeah, we know you can fish.  Good for you.... I love how determined he is to win.... and I totally hope it's Coach & Oz in the final.  Both have played well... both can play the loyal warrior card... I love that it could actually be a tight race based on tribe lines.  Both have been brilliant players in their own way.  I give the edge to Coach in that he's HAD to play more strategically whereas Ozzy's physically winning his way to the end.  And ummmm... why is Coach looking better to me these days?  The starving actually suits him I think....or maybe I dig a man in black knee socks...?   I would go to his tai chi class.  Just sayin'.

Not Really An Update

Right, so it's US Thanksgiving this week, and the Americans are too preoccupied with shooting other Americans in Walmarts over great deals on waffle irons, so they can't possibly be bothered to watch TV. As such, the show was the dreaded "clip show" this week, and nothing new happened. No one voted out. If you missed it, no worries. If you saw it, it was mildly entertaining.... there was some funny stuff where Papa Bear tried to teach Cochran how to pick up chicks by telling them they have nice earrings... (Whitney: If you said that to me, I'd think you were gay.") And it really showed the extent to which Coach is hustling to win this thing.


The more I watch Coach, the more I really want him to win. Hate me? I know I said Ozzy will take it, and truly I'd LOVE to see a Coach vs. Ozzy faceoff at the end... but really they are the only two (save maybe for Cochran and Sophie?) who deserve to win as far as strategy goes. Those 4 are playing the game. The rest... not so much.  Thoughts? 

And..... if Coach or Ozzy do win, what's going to happen to Survivor: Redemption Island? Would 'old' cast-members winning twice in a row give the producers something to think about? Or, do the 'new' cast-members actually learn by time #3 that they have to vote the returning people off on day one? Maybe Christine had it right the whole time....

Anyway, enjoy your Black Friday. Happy Thanksgiving if you're American!!  No fighting!

Don't Mess With the Family... or the Great and Powerful Oz

Oh my... there's a lot to discuss today.... not sure where to start!  It was a pretty huge episode.... Two people got the boot from Redemption Island and TWO more got sent there.  I'm not sure I like the three-way duel.  (Aside: Can you actually still call it a duel if it is between three people?  Also, why are we still calling it Redemption ISLAND?  I'm fairly sure it is not its own island... Yes, these are the things that keep me up at night.)

OK, so let's start there... Redemption Island.  The "duel" between Keith, Ozzy & Jim was an endurance one where they had to hold up poles with the backs of their hands... which has got to be ridiculously hard.  One of those things that's maybe easy for about the first 2 minutes and then excruciating. The determination by Ozzy to win this thing has me flip-flopping back to his side again.  As much as I can't stand all the editing of him as a semi-religious figure (aaaaand we'll talk about Coach later), I also enjoy his attitude towards Redemption Island:  Fine, I'll hang out here where it's peaceful and I'll eat super well while you starve and I'll be nice to people, and then I'll kick their asses, come back into the game and win it.  And come on, you know he's got a good chance here.  I'm going to go out on a limb and call it right now - Ozzy will win this season. There, I said it.  He's got all of his tribe's votes for sure, and team Coach is going to have to start backstabbing each other soon, so you know there are people who'll end up pissed off and will vote for Ozzy out of spite.  It's all about jury votes now, so it's harder to vote people out... uh... "properly"....

So obviously, you've figured out by now (if you didn't watch the show) that Ozzy beat Jim and Keith - who became the first 2 jury members.  As much as I didn't like him on the show, I thought it was cute when Jim said he was hoping there was a "double redemption island"...  Don't worry about Jim.  He'll do fine with his medical marijuana business... or he'll end up in jail. 

So with Dawn & Whitney left from the original Team Oz, they worked it the only way they could... which was to tell people their votes are for sale.  Smartly, they went to Albert with it, knowing he's in a bit of a peeing contest with Coach over alpha-male status (though both deny this, we know it's true.)  Albert's big idea is to vote out Edna because she's useless, using Dawn & Whitney plus Cochran and maybe Sophie.  Sophie's not sure, though, and is wisely playing the loyalty game.  My favourite is when they're discussing this strategy, they get to Rick's name and say, "Rick's not even playing..."  Heh.  As I've mentioned before, Rick hasn't even spoken more than a couple of times all season.  And we're at the jury part.... Rick is this season's mute blonde girl, whose name from last season I can't even remember.  Purple Kelly?  Was that even last season?  Whatever.  

Sophie won the immunity challenge - Dawn was close, but didn't quite get it... so it looked pretty sad for Dawn & Whitney.  But there's still the chance someone will shake it up.  That's where Coach comes in.  First of all, there were a couple of times in the episode where their tribe is referred to as a "cult"... which I think is hilarious.  Cochran talks about "drinking the kool-aid" and I think it was Jim over on the island talks about their tribe being a cult as well.  It's not so far off from what we've seen, right?  All that "Down on your knees!" stuff.... the complete insistence on group loyalty.... Coach himself describing it as "the Family"???  Come on!  You can't make this stuff up!  Thing is, what Coach is going for is Scarface and what he doesn't know is he's ending up more Charles Manson.  Hee.  And all the while, like any good mob boss/cult leader, he denies being in charge.... insisting that everyone is making the decisions together.  Riiiiiiight.  Meanwhile, Ozzy gets to be Jesus of the Jungle.  Coach will find this quite unfair. 

(Let's look back at Boston Rob for a sec too... he had the whole cult of personality going on too, which Coach & Ozzy have in different ways.... and no one else playing right now has at all.  Rob was more of an overt manipulator than Ozzy, but had the same likability in his tribe.  They followed 'cause they liked following him.  Coach doesn't exactly have that. Plus, he's a bit odd. Ozzy has the luxury of being the likable warrior that Rob was, without having to vote out his alliance like Rob had to do.... which was pretty tricky business, that I don't know if the Great & Powerful Oz could do as well as Rob.)

So Dawn got voted out - no real surprise.  My take on it is that Sophie - with immunity - isn't willing to go against the family... yet.  Then, my boyfriend Jeff announced a twist... which was that as soon as Dawn got the boot, there would immediately be another challenge, and another vote.  It was a close one between Sophie & Whitney, but Sophie won it to the delight of her cult, who now could easily vote off Whitney.

Now, let's hear your predictions!  So I think Ozzy will beat Dawn & Whitney, but both ladies have proven themselves to be pretty tough competitors - especially if it's one of those endurance-type challenges.  I just don't think they can take on Jesus right now.  So then we have the Group of Seven... not the painters but the cult.  Who's going first?  Is Cochran actually #7 in the pecking order?  I say no... I think he's the swing vote. Where does the cowboy stand?  No one knows 'cause he's mute.  Obviously Coach, Baby and Edna have a thing... and Sophie & Albert have a thing...  I feel that the cowboy's closer to Sophie & Albert, but I could be wrong (because how the heck would I know?)  If I'm Cochran, I probably stick close to the leader (oh right, he's NOT the leader) and throw my lot in there.  Coach and his #2 henchman Baby protect Cochran, right?  He won't turn again at this point, as much as he likes to talk about "big moves."  And with little room for two leaders (who aren't actually leaders) I'm thinking Albert will be the next to go.  Coach is already nervous about him...  If I'm Albert, I'm looking for a horse's head in my bed.

The Little Guys Aren't Going to Take It Any More!

Sorry for the late post again!!

A pretty good episode, non?  TWO Tribal Councils... and so now there are three dudes over in Redemption Island:  Keith, Ozzy and Jim.  That is going to be some epic battle.  Will 2 get to stay and one leave?  I think that's how it worked before...

So backing up, poor Cochran really got it thrown at him when they got back from Tribal Council after he pulled the ol' double cross. He kept pretty calm & tried to explain his decision to Ozzy - the hilarious part about this was when Baby Hantz popped up out of nowhere to be Cochran's bodyguard.  Ozzy shooed him away with, "We're not gangsters out here, dude."  Heh heh.  I totally love that Cochran has become Baby's pet project, though.  He stood up for  him again at the first Tribal, saying that no way were they going to turn their back on him... and hooray for the "little guys" who "aren't going to take it any more" or something.  Then later, after the Coach tribe got to pig out while the rest of the Ozzy tribe competed, Baby got so full that Cochran said, "You can rest your head on my shoulder."  It was awkward and nice at the same time. Love it.

So yeah, Cochran heard it from Ozzy, then got called a coward again by Jim, then Whitney told him that he "disgusts" her.  Yep.  Poor bastard.  And while I get that they're pissed, he had some pretty good reasons as we talked about last week, right?  Though, Jim may have had a point when he said, "Cochran's playing the best 3rd place game ever right now."  Which may be true.  Cochran would be the best person to bring to the final with you - especially if you're on team Coach and anyone on the jury is from the other tribe.  No way he's getting ANY votes EVER from those guys. 

So Jim comes up with this amazing plan to give his immunity necklace to Ozzy, knowing that he could go next anyway... just to throw a wrench into the other team's plans, forcing them to vote without talking to each other.  He also figured he could give a very moving speech about being warriors... and figured he could sway the Coach team to vote Cochran.... Uh, yeah.  Coach pretty much saw right through that and said right off the bat that they're going to stand behind Cochran.  So when it came down to actually giving up his necklace, Jim wussed out and Ozzy went back to Redemption Island... which he's pretty OK with, generally.  He went there & caught this enormous fish and shared with Keith and just figures he'll be nice to everyone, then defeat them in challenges.  Which, actually, wouldn't surprise me.  Are you getting a little tired of all the slow-mo, posed shots of Ozzy as Jesus, though?  Really... oh, there's the silhouette of Ozzy looking out to the ocean with a rainbow in the distance... then later... the shot of Ozzy standing atop the palm tree as if he levitated up there with his magic powers.  Ugh.  Enough, Survivor editors... enough. Blech.

Right, so then there's Dawn.  Dawn is a clever, clever girl.  She's being super friendly to the Coach tribe in hopes she can blend in a little with them and make a case for keeping her around when the time comes.  When the challenge came where it was Dawn vs. Jim vs. Whitney and the other tribe got to chow down instead of compete, Dawn belts out that she'll stay there as long as she can so they can eat.  Brilliant!  People remember that stuff.  Later though, she said something about it being hard to watch them eat, so Baby called her on it.  "What? You said you were happy we were eating, now you don't want us to eat?"  Some sort of usual circular Baby logic. At any rate, he likes Dawn more than Whitney probably because Whitney's too good looking or something like that.... Weird. 

And Whitney started crying because she doesn't like being called a bully. Well, really?  Baby, for all his loco-ness, made a super good point when he said that team Ozzy was all cocky and unfriendly to them when it looked like they were in control.  All of a sudden, when they lost control, now they go and paint the other guys as bad guys...?  Word. 

Ummmm.... and OK.... has Rick said more than 3 words all season.  I'm loving that he's silent. 'Cause he's a cowboy, and I figure he goes off and camps alone and sings cowboy songs by himself.  That's what cowboys do right?

So, even though he was a total jerk about not giving Ozzy the necklace, Jim got voted out next, just as he thought.  I enjoyed the three dudes at the end in Redemption Island saying "Huh, and we thought we'd be the final three...."  Heh.  Looking forward to seeing them compete!  It'll be Dawn or Whitney next... so might depend on winning immunity, or might depend if Dawn can convince everyone she's cool... we'll see.  And if Ozzy claws his way back into the game, it'll be hard to beat him.  An Ozzy, Coach, Cochran final?   What's your guess? 

Oh... and I never tire of watching Coach ham it up for the "tai chi".... I don't know tai chi, but I'm going to guess that's not really it.  But then again, I remember him saying they type he does so obscure (it was taught to him from some monks maybe?) that you can't even google it.  But, come on, the fist clenching and arm shaking.... it makes my life.  Then, he'll go and chuck in a quote by Marcus Aurelius.  Again, I don't know if he's making this stuff up... but I like it nonetheless.  As Abraham Lincoln once said, "If you can't back up your Internet quotes, just look confident when you say them, and the people will believe."

Big Moves & Flip Flops

Sorry for the late post today... sometimes life gets in the way of blogging.  Go figure. 

A couple of fairly huge coups yesterday!  One of the best episodes ever, I think.  Do you agree?

First of all, Ozzy pulled it off.  He dethroned Christine at Redemption Arena in that game - you know it - where they have to attach poles together with string to make one big long pole that they then use to get some key rings.... It's a good challenge & makes me wonder if Ozzy has done it before?  Not sure.  At any rate, he had the whole thing done before Christine even had one key.  Did you feel just a little badly for Christine?  I did.  You know I sorta wanted her to beat Ozzy because now he's going to be even more insufferable.  So the really fun part, though, was where Ozzy put on the big huge show informing the other team how Cochran was such a weasel for playing the immunity idol... and everyone could clearly tell he was acting. It was some serious BAD acting too.  You could just see his team flinching and the thought bubbles over their heads that said, "Shut UP, Ozzy!"  Jeff's face during all this: priceless.

So, then, we knew it was going to be the merge because they invited the whole tribes to watch the challenge. There was the usual, 'get to know you' picnic.  Cochran was put into the role of double agent, where he was to pretend to be on the outs with his tribe for voting off Ozzy... when in fact he was actually feeling out the other tribe to see if he did want to flip.  The other tribe, naturally, was very welcoming.  Whether or not it was honest, I'm not sure.  I think so.... but if you're that tribe and  you've got someone who you think might flip, you do your best to at least appear welcoming.  There were warm, encouraging words from Coach, who again - seemed uh... wise?.... as he told Cochran that he too has faced ridicule in his life (Really? Can't imagine.) and that Cochran would be alright. 

Cochran went to Dawn with his plan to jump ship.  Dawn got all teary-eyed again and started crying about that she hates having to do this stuff and later she cried some more telling us that she felt bad that she hadn't stood up for Cochran and that she hated how he'd been picked on, and that he reminded her of her own son a little bit.  OK. I'm on board.  She's emotional, but it seemed heartfelt, right.  Wrong.  Later, Dawn uh.. prayed about it (and you'll note how low-key HER praying session was) and apparently the Lord told her to forsake Cochran for the good of the tribe.  Now, I don't want to come down too hard on Dawn, 'cause she's playing her own game.  She doesn't have to go along with Cochran's plan, and sticking with her alliance is really just as good - and potentially less risky - a plan.  All that's needed is one flip vote anyway, so it really is probably best for  her to lay low.  The other thing I did like about Dawn's own opinion flip was that she didn't run & tell the tribe about Cochran's plan.  She let him do his thing.... though she did apparently tell him she didn't think he should do it and that she'd be disappointed in him if he did.  Thanks mom.

Individual immunity was fun.  It was balancing coconuts while yourself balancing on a board.  Nice!  (By the way... did you catch that part about the new tribe name being something to do with "How the coconut came to be?" or something like that?  I can't be bothered to look it up, but Keith seemed embarrassed to say it.) So Dawn won for the women and Ozzy won for the men, making things look pretty good for team Ozzy.  (And ummmm.... was Dawn a little annoying this time in her win?  I can't tell if I'm just annoyed in general with Dawn and all her flip-flopping... Wait, I'm flip-flopping about Dawn, aren't I? Dang!) 

But here's the rub - If the vote is 6 to 6... and then they re-vote and it's tied again... they have to draw rocks. Loser goes to Redemption Island.  Even if I'm on team Ozzy, I'm not super confident (unless I'm Dawn or Ozzy) that my fate won't come down to a rock.  That's stupid.  Mind you, I can see the argument for why switching teams at this time is stupid.  It's early - they will hate you.  A lot of those people will be on the jury, potentially.  They will hate you.  Have I said that? 

Now before I get to the flip, let's talk about Ozzy playing the idol.  He gives it to Whitney on a hunch that the other team was going to vote for Whitney.... which they did not.  So, idol was wasted.  Wasted!  Why on earth wouldn't you hang onto it?  You know it's going to be a tie vote anyway, save it!  Had the other team voted for Whitney, it would have been another genius move, as only the 6 votes by team Oz would count.  But, team Coach voted for Keith and team Oz voted for Rick.  (The thought bubble above Rick's head said, "What in tarnation?")  So, it came down to voting for either Keith or Rick only. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, Cochran flipped.  He did it.  Nerds of the world unite.  Immediately, with his team hating him.... it was hard to tell if Cochran was happy or terrified.  Jim called him a coward about 5 times in a row, and in quite a gallant move, Baby Hantz stood up for Cochran by turning around and saying, "Don't call him that!  Saying stuff like that is why you're in the situation you're in!"  Ha!  Loved it.  Then Baby protectively put his hand on Cochran's shoulder and said, "Stick close to me."  Uh, does he think Cochran's going to get shanked by Jim with a coconut shard?  At any rate, it's the first time I've liked Baby Hantz.  Yes, I know, the flip flop again.  Oh yeah, so it was Keith - the BULLY - who got voted out.  He was shocked!  Whitney was sad.  It's going to be exciting and uncomfortable to watch what happens next.  I don't envy Cochran, but I'm sorta proud of him.  Why would you stay loyal to a bunch of people who have been ready to throw you under the bus since day one and have only kept you around when it's convenient?  Cochran knew he was on the very bottom of the totem pole, so why not flip and make his way with a new bunch of weirdos?  Next episode, however, it looks like Albert & Sophie maybe have had their doubts about team Bible Camp and maybe are going to defect themselves???  Hard to say.  Things are never what they appear on the "Next Week's Episode" part... 

On Martyrs, Saints and Weasels

It's being billed as one of the biggest, riskiest moves in Survivor history.  Substitute "risky" with "ballsy", "gutsy", "crazy" or "stupid" - the choice is yours.  Let me know what you guys think... !!

If you didn't see it... Ozzy thoughtfully, then reluctantly, then wholeheartedly (more on this later) threw himself on his sword for his team (more on this later) so that he could go to Redemption Island, beat Christine, and return back to his tribe to have even numbers in the merge.  OK.... there's SO much to discuss.

1) I was so excited that someone (even if he does seem stoned) has FINALLY thought of this.  If you read this blog regularly, you'll know that I said last year that eventually they're going to figure out that some thought needs to be put into who goes to Redemption Island.  If you don't want them back, they should be weak & therefore easy to beat.  If you DO want them back - as in this case - you send a strong competitor.  Now, none of that takes into account crazy strength & willpower of people like Christine, who I'm sure was not expected to do so well. 

2) What are your thoughts on Ozzy's motives?  On one hand, he says he's doing it for the tribe.  He's just an altruistic guy who wants to do what's best for the group.  Do you buy it?  I don't think I do.  My feeling is that Ozzy loves Ozzy.   But, I don't think it's in the Boston Rob way of, damn it, I'm going to do anything I have to to further myself in the game.  I think it's more narcissistic than that.... I think Ozzy really digs being the "Survivor Guy" who's kinda worshipped.... He still feels stupid for how he left the game last time, so yeah, there's the Redemption angle (cue Mark Burnett jumping up & down) but also Ozzy wants to be that guy who saves the day, rides in on the white horse and gets the credit.  I'm not saying it's entirely wrong, as a little credit goes a long way in this game... but I honestly don't think he's doing it for THE OTHERS like he's trying to make you believe.

3) So... another point, but still on Ozzy.  Can we all agree that he's a bit of a baby?  He's that guy... we all know someone like that. Outwardly calm, but the bad temper when he doesn't get his way and super good at blaming others.  This relates to point #2, because if he really wanted us to believe it was all for the good of the team, he wouldn't have waffled.  The team lost the immunity challenge - and it was pretty much Cochran's fault.  Immediately Ozzy throws a hissy fit (becoming all to common, non?) and punches & kicks a wall and goes off about it to Jeff and back at the camp... and right away points the finger at Cochran for losing it.  So right after telling Cochran about his plan to volunteer himself for Redemption, Ozzy turns on him and has the whole tribe (even Dawn!) saying, "Yeah, you should go, Cochran.  And don't worry, you'll do fiiiiiiiiine against Christine."  Uh, what?  Then later, Ozzy flip-flops again back to his original idea, but by now he's got to convince everyone because they're all ready for Cochran to go.  Sigh.  If it was really about the team, Ozzy would have acted more like a true leader and shared the blame for the loss.  He could have fixed the stupid rope a lot sooner, he could have called someone else in to help out... Jim didn't help sooner, why wasn't it his fault? Everyone loves a scapegoat.

4) Why does no one believe that Christine will join with team Ozzy if she wins and re-joins the game?  Uh, it's pretty much common knowledge (remember, people have been to see the Redemption Island challenges) that Christine HATES her old team.  Remember her going off on 'Benjamin' and giving Rick the finger?  Even if Cochran lost the challenge, they'd get Christine... and have even numbers anyway.

5) How can you not love the risky/stupid nature of Ozzy's plan?  If it works and he beats Christine, he's going to look like the awesomest Jesus of the Jungle EVER.  There will be little anyone can do to stop him (uh, did anyone think of this?)... 'cause who's going to suggest voting out the dude who saved the tribe?  At the end, he IS the saviour on the white horse who did everything "for his tribe"....  Now... there are a couple of ways this could go wrong.  First, and most obviously, he could lose the challenge.  He's not perfect and Christine is pretty fantastic at every challenge so far.  She's got the determination and the momentum and the belief in herself for doing so well so far.  If she beats Ozzy, he goes home - I don't think he even gets to be on the jury.  That would suck & he'd look like a big, huge idiot.  The other scenario is that he wins, but there's no merge and his team has to go into another challenge an important man down.  They could lose it, have to vote another person out and he'd still have to face another challenge to get back in the game, but now they'd be down a man, so what was it all for?  Part of me hopes that his decision comes back to bite him in the ass just a little bit.  Oh yeah, is it certain that Ozzy would be able to re-join his team?  What if there's no merge and Ozzy has to go to the other team?  Huh?  What then, smarty pants?  My boyfriend Jeff and the other producers like to shake it up a bit just when people are feeling sure they know what's going to happen. 

OK, so the other two things we need to talk about are Cochran and Team Coach.  Let's start with Cochran:

In some respects, his team was right - he should have taken responsibility and gone to Redemption Island. It would be his chance to win it for his team and man up.  Right?  On the other hand, Cochran knows he stands very little chance of beating Christine, so why on earth wouldn't he jump on Ozzy's suggestion?  I can't really see how this turns out good for Cochran, though.  If Ozzy wins & comes back, he's the boss again and well, see point #5 above.  If Ozzy loses, the team resents Cochran for being there while their strong competitor Ozzy is gone.  Right?  Then again, Cochran's got the immunity idol, which he doesn't have to give back if Ozzy doesn't come home.  That's pretty nice, but only gets you so far.  Remember, these people will be your jury and they think you just weaseled your way into Ozzy's spot.  Then again, if I'm Cochran, I think to how none of my team really had my back when push came to shove... oh, hey, blue team.... what up?

Right... and then there's the blue team.  Sigh....  I've got nothing against people being religious, but this is getting a bit much, non?  The group prayer sessions.... Oh Father, please help us win this challenge, Father, and blah, blah, blah, Father.  Yes, I do feel like I may be catching the express bus to Hades just by writing this, but ugh... it's uncomfortable to watch, isn't it?  First, you get the feeling not everyone is as into it as the others, right?  Sophie's just going along with it.  Albert... hard to say.  Edna, for sure just going along.  Coach and Baby Hantz are the main drivers of this scheme.  So here are my thoughts why it's icky:

1)  I adore that Sophie pointed out that Coach was ummmm... fibbing in his own prayer... asking God to help find the immunity idol, when he knew he already had it.  Funny.  Baby will not take kindly to that when he sees the show.  Lo & behold & amen!  After praying, they found the immunity idol!  Hallelujah! 

2) Does anyone else find it icky when people pray so hard for themselves?  "Help me win" just doesn't seem like the stuff you're supposed to pray for... but I'm on that express bus, so maybe I'm wrong.  I was reasonably sure you were supposed to pray for spiritual guidance to important life matters and well... for others, right?  You'd think God has some pretty big issues to sort out at the moment....It seems like, "Dear Jesus, let me win a new truck" isn't quite what it's supposed to be about, is it?  Am I getting preachy right now?

3) The other icky part - to me anyway - was when their team won the challenge (thanks of course to the power of prayer - cut to Coach praying in the middle of the challenge saying he'll get down on his knees for Jesus if they win) and Coach starts YELLING at everyone on his team to "Get down on your knees! Get down!"  It's one thing for him to pray and for him to fall to his knees in thanks, but to order everyone else to do it?  Ick.  If I'm Sophie, I'm like, uh, yeah, whatever.... and play along, but in my head, I'm thinking, "Freak."  Again, just me.  What do I know?  I do think it's interesting that religion has played such a large part in the last couple of seasons that have been called "Redemption Island."  Pretty sure redemption is a fairly Biblical theme, and now we've got Jesus of the Jungle who's martyring himself, you've got Mary Magdalene of the lingerie football league, and you've got a Christian Samurai warrior and his blind, baby follower (they were in the Bible too, right?)  Cue to Coach on the beach doing his special form of tai chi that's so top secret you can't even google it - and somewhere an eagle cries (in the South Pacific? What?) 

Fade to black.

The Coachability Factor

So.... Ozzy... not so smart, right?  Dude got on this show not for his brains so much or his strategic play, but because he can climb a tree like a hot damn.  Oh, and that whole Jesus look thing.  And the romance potential, what with his serial co-contestant dating.  Ozzy's emotions - like those of SO many Survivor players before him - have gotten the best of him.  This is where guys like Boston Rob and dare I say Coach have figured it out. It's all about controlling your emotions plus being sociable/likable.  Right.  Russell, for example, had the emotions thing down, but zero likability (to his fellow Survivors, anyway.)  You have to at least be MORE likable than the person you're up against (see Rob vs. Phillip, Sandra vs... whoever.)  The point is... Ozzy screwed up.  He's got the likability, but blew it by getting all involved with Elyse and then getting pissy when his team voted her out.  I get it, you think you're in charge and you're  undermined.  You need to go away for a bit, be mad and then come back ready to be a team player again.  Ozzy did this... only with an emotional outburst in the middle... "Yeah?  You know what?  I'VE got the hidden immunity idol!  That's right!"  Oh.... no. So you've got one card left to play and you throw it in everyone's faces.  D'oh!  This is why Ozzy (probably) won't win or at least shouldn't win.  By the end of the show Ozzy was tight with Keith again, but uh... if I'm Keith, I don't keep Ozzy around into the merge.  You don't want to compete with that. 

Speaking of competing, Christine is officially the new Matt.  She's on a roll and beat Elyse in a shuffleboard competition. Yes, that does sound a bit like Seniors' Night at the Community Hall... but whatever.  The Survivor people have to come up with challenges that fit in the Redemption Island "theatre".  Speaking of challenges... where are all the puzzles?  I want more puzzles.  Give Cochran and Edna a chance to shine!  They're due, non?  OK, I digress... back to Christine.  She's starting to break a little - she got a bit weepy, but generally she's staying pretty tough and she's sitting in a pretty good spot.  The longer you stay away, the less involved you are in the tribe politics.  She's still just as bitter as always, though. My favourite was when Rick tried cheering for her and she gave him the finger.  Yup.  She's a classy broad. 

The immunity challenge was great in that it was a come-from-behind victory for team Ozzy.  They started off by not working well toegether (again, the mantra of this season is "Coconuts Are Heavy") but then came back to win thanks to the fabulous coconut slingshotting (is that a word?) of Keith and Jim. They also won because over on Team Coach, Mikayla was "uncoachable."  She kept insisting on using only one arm to slingshot the coconuts, which didn't work.  Our dear Coach would say to her wise things like "Use two hands!" and "How about you sit down and we let Albert do it?"  Nope.  Mikayla would have none of it.  "I'm a lingerie football player," she thought to herself.  "I know a lot about coconuts!"  So.... team Ozzy won and got to go swimming at a "natural water slide" place that looked kind of fun, while team Coach had to go to Tribal Council.

So what does Baby Hantz do?  He continues to be loco, that's what.  First, he decides that he should channel his inner Russell and go find the immunity idol (which Coach already has, right?)  Natch', he can't find it, but watching him march around all determined-like was pretty funny.  Made Coach "see" Uncle Russell (cue flashback) and get the shivers. 

Meanwhile, the team can't decide on Edna or Mikayla for voting out. 

Edna's camp is Coach and Baby.  Coach's reason is that well, he likes Edna, he trusts her, and he knows that she will do what he says.  He goes on about taking her "into battle" and that had it been Edna in the challenge and he told her to sit down, she would have.  This is a huge light bulb moment for our Dragon Slayer... and he's totally right.  The other people are looking only at winning challenges (again... there's a puzzle coming up! You watch....) not loyalty.  Edna is an easy vote.  She's not playing hard yet, she's voting with the group.  Why would you throw away an easy vote?  Oh, and Brandon has now decided that he thinks Mikayla is OK, not the whore of Babylon after all, BUT he won't vote for Edna because he gave her his word.  Uhhhh... right.

Sophie and Albert are voting for Edna.  They want Mikayla around because she's in the original alliance and because she's strong.  Their reasoning isn't crazy, they want to win challenges and go into the merge with the numbers.  This is not a bad strategy.  Also, they find Edna annoying. 

So it comes down to Rick, our Bermuda shorts cowboy.  Seriously, do you people watch Parks & Recreation.  Please watch it and imagine Ron Swanson as a rancher.  Maybe it's just the moustache, but Rick is Ron to me.  So poor Rick is in the middle of it all, he knows it's going to come down to his vote and that he's going to piss someone off no matter what.  What would Ron Swanson do?  Well, first he'd have a scotch, then he'd vote for Mikayla.  It's the non-coachability... he was persuaded by Coach that Edna will be good long-term. I think it was a good call. Edna's a perfect person to take to the end, right?  She doesn't really win a lot, you can show that she rode coattails, and she's annoying.  I predict she'll make it to the merge.  I enjoyed Coach lecturing Baby Hantz at Tribal Council about the difference between lying and just not saying everything that comes into your head.  Nope, says Baby, "There's only black and white, there's no grey."  Really?  Oh to be young and loco. 

On Blindsides and The Other White Meat....

Grossest episode of Survivor ever!  It's as good a place to start this blog as any... attacking the pig. 

The immunity challenge was this:  Each team gets a roast pig on a spit.  Each person has their hands tied behind their backs and has to bite off a piece of pig and spit it out in a basket.  At the end of the timed game, the team with the most pig in their basket (by weight) wins!  Vegetarians everywhere recoil in horror.  Pigs everywhere... well, you know how they felt.  It was icky.  The small blessing was that they removed the (some would say most tastiest) parts of the pig that are normally ON roast pigs on spits... the head, the feet... and just left a big roasted meat blob with sauce.  So, naturally, everyone's faces were covered in sauce.  (Aside:  imagine that production meeting where they tested out this game with a regular roasted pig and some awesome intern yells out, "I know!  This would be way better with BBQ sauce all over it!"  That intern now has a three show development deal with CBS.)  Right.... so the saucy-faced pig biting is one thing but let's give you the visual of the extra gross bits.  For one, there was the part where people would get pig stuck in their teeth and a teammate would have to pick it out with their teeth.  Then there was poor Mikayla picking up a piece of pig off the ground that Rick had dropped.  (Another aside: can we discuss at some point how Rick A) reminds me of Ron Swanson from Parks & Recreation and B) looks super fantastic/weird in his cowboy attire from the waist up and Bermuda shorts from the waist down?)  Where were we?  Oh, yeah, the gross pig-eating.  So, then there were the shots of people spitting the pig into the basket with tons of actual spit attached to the pig.  And the piece de resistance would be the basket cam.  (Thanks, likely, to the same above-mentioned intern.)  Yes, at some point there was a basket camera shot where we could see people spitting their disgusting, spitty, sauce-covered pig meat into the basket as if we were at the bottom of said basket o' pork.  Ew.  (So, logistically, was there one glass-bottomed basket with a camera in it, and one regular basket that the team could take wtih them? These are the things I like to think about.)  Coach's team won by 2 ounces (!!!) and won immunity, a reward of some spices & stuff, and the basket of pig meat. Say it with me... Ew.  I mean, I suppose if you're hungry, you boil off the spit and eat the meat.  Still, gross, right?

So fast forward to the losing team sitting around chatting about how they lost and how their lips and gums hurt and how Dawn lost part of a molar (!!!) and then Cochran chirps in with "and now we'll probably all have herpes"... totally grossing everyone out even further than they probably already were.  Yup.  And well, he has a point.  I know they probably all sign off on these things before being on the show, but man... that would be an unwanted bonus, non?  Though, would make a good t-shirt: "I was on Survivor and all I got was this cold sore."  Right?  Anyway, sometimes poor Cochran should really just shut it. 

Are you suitably grossed out yet?  Let's talk about non-gross stuff for a sec.  Christine won the Redemption Island challenge (again!) sending Stacey home, but not before Stacey spewed out a bunch of stuff about how "Benjamin" is controlling everything with Albert and Sophie.  Heh heh... they refused to call Coach "Coach" and called him Benjamin instead, which of course made Benjamin super mad when he heard about it.  "Even my parents have called me Coach since I was 20," or something like that, says Coach.  Which... is weird, right?  Whatever... it was a funny way for Christine to keep digging away at the poor dragon slayer. I still love that she is his nemesis.  And that she is the new Matt and keeps on winning.

The other thing about Stacey's rant is that when team Ozzy heard about it, Ozzy piped up with, "Coach should get rid of Albert right away." This made Jim nervous.  Mind you, Jim is nervous all the time anyway, probably from ducking the Feds on lots of "medical" marijuana related inquiries.  Thing is, it made Jim even more interested in getting rid of Elyse - Ozzy's right hand ummm... person.  So Jim went off to sway Keith by saying that Jim and Keith - being the big dudes - would be a threat to Ozzy and would be voted out next.  Keith bought in and went to discuss with Whitney. 

Now, Ozzy has gotten truly annoying.  As pointed out by Cochran, he lazes about most of the day with Elyse and pretty much has accepted his role as Jesus of the Jungle.  He catches fish, yes.  And he was sure to tell us about how much catching fish takes out of him, physically, to justify his long snoozes in the hammock.  I can't say whether or not this is true, as I've never actually been spearfishing.  If any of you dear readers has, please tell me about it.  I don't doubt that it's tiring, but I also think Ozzy is ok with doing just enough work around camp (fishing) and not one little bit more.  Also, I can't stand how patronizing Ozzy and Elyse are to Cochran.  They talk to him like he's a child.  Yeah, he's a goofy dude who doesn't know anything about the outdoors like Ozzy, but ummmm... he's a pretty smart guy and was right to point out that there will be lots of different kinds of challenges coming up (mind you, in next week's episode, it looks like Cochran has some trouble lifting a wheelbarrow full of coconuts.  Apparently coconuts being heavy is a theme for this season.)

So.... Elyse ended up getting totally blindsided, which was awesome.  I always love a good blindside.  I love that it's going to make Ozzy into a big crybaby and I love that it knocked him down a peg.  Will be interesting to see whether or not he pulls himself out of the funk that'll come with being betrayed.  Remember, he's got the immunity idol, but remember that Keith knows about it.  Fun, right?  I love how Keith and Whitney figured they wouldn't vote for Elyse because it'll make Ozzy mad, but they thought it was OK to vote for someone else - Dawn - KNOWING that it'll end up in in Elyse getting the boot.  Ummm... not sure how that's any different than just writing her name down.  If you're Ozzy, the feeling at the end of the day is the same and if you're Keith and Whitney, you should know that Jim and Cochran are now the new bosses.  For now.

Oh yeah, and Coach found the immunity idol too.  His complete gleefulness when he found it and then got to eat spitty pig meat was pretty fun to watch.  And something about telling the dragon to stay down... hee. Read into that what you will.  He will need to be knocked down a peg too.  And hopefully none of them get any pig-borne communicable diseases.  Squeal!

Things That are Suspicious: Scrambling Too Much, Not Scrambling at All, White Teeth

Here are some things we learned from last night's episode:

1) Christine is still scrappy.  She is the kind of person the casting folks over at Survivor must love.  She's got the attitude and will never give up.  She will never be one of those girls who decides to quit the game because she's uncomfortable or homesick.  She'll press on.  She beat Papa Bear (ugh...) in a super close challenge that was fun to watch.  I didn't know who to cheer for & I like it when that happens, right?  I felt pretty sad for ol' PBear when he got sent home, but... for a guy who "always wanted to be on Survivor" he shoulda had more fight in him from the get-go. 

2) Baby Hantz.  OK, well we really didn't learn anything new about Baby that we didn't already know.  He just kept on with the crazy.  Started by apologizing to Christine, who was seriously surprised, though "wasn't sure if she buys it..."  Then got all nutso when Stacey told him (sort of) that Albert, Mikayla and Sophie were their own little group.  He runs right to Coach (of course) and tells him.  Coach, bless him, lost it.  "STOP IT!" yells our favourite women's soccer coach - slash - orchestra conductor.  Coach tells him - correctly (again, when did Coach get to be the balanced one?) that he's got to stop believing everything he hears.  Hee. Then, instead of putting his tail between his legs, our favourite baby nephew - slash - loco ex-con turns it around on Coach & asks him, "How many times have people screwed you on this show?" adding, "I tend to be a good judge of character."  Uh-huh.  Especially if that character plays football in her underpants.

ASIDE:  There's been a lot in the media lately about this whole lingerie football business.  About how it "empowers women" and how they're just as tough as men football players and blah blah blah.  I don't buy it... You?  What's next?  Lingerie hockey?  It's not empowering if you got to sell it with your panties.  Just sayin'....

3) OK, back to the show.  Right.  Cochran makes a deal with Jim to try to vote off Elyse next, though doesn't entirely trust him because he has "suspiciously white teeth."   Well said.  Dentists everywhere say, "Whaaaaaaat?"

4) Ozzy is a serial reality TV dater.  He can't help his jungly Jesus self.  Remember how he dated Amanda when they were on TV together?  Yup, he's at it again.  This time it's Elyse.  On her part, it's either a super smart move, or the worst move ever if the Toothy Jim/Cochran plan works out.  We'll see.

5) DAWN!   Dawn is pretty much my favourite player right now.  I completely love that she started the game off as such a complete mess, but then totally turned it around.  Got her head on straight, but is still a little bit on the outs in that she's not in the pretty people alliance.  That said, Dawn's working her magic.  She's holding her own with the youngsters (note: Dawn's only 40) and she's playing nice.  I liked her not making a huge deal of the fact that she wasn't comfortable running around in her underpants 'cause she's Mormon (take note Baby Hantz... Dawn does not start off every other sentence with, "Because I'm a Mormon...") I liked that when the swimsuits did show up and all the girls ran out in their skimpy bikinis, Dawn was the first one in there with, "Oh, your swimsuit looks really cute on you."  Girls eat that stuff up.  Then, Dawn pulls a huge coup and wins the dang immunity challenge (and the chicken reward!) for her team.  After the strong men are beaten, Dawn is up against Stacey holding a bar with about 140 lbs of sandbags on it.  Stacey is "holding it up with her butt" says Jeff.  Stacey drops and Dawn hangs on and the pure joy on her face when she wins is, well, joyous to watch.  "I did it!" she says, almost crying, in a bit of disbelief as her whole team congratulates her with a huge hug.  Sniff... I know you were happy for her too.  Now, think about this - Dawn herself probably doesn't weigh much more than 140 lbs and they had been out there holding that thing (admittedly not 140 lbs the whole time) for over half an  hour.  Not easy.  Then again, Dawn's had, like, 9 kids or something like that... so probably she's a bit tougher than we think.  Rather, tougher than we USED to think.  Dawn rocks.

6) Stacey did not lose well.  Here's the thing... when you lose a challenge for your team, you've still got to play the social game.  You've got to kind of be humble and say, hey dudes, I'm really sorry I lost, I feel pretty bad about it.  This was not Stacey's tactic.  No one will debate that Stacey did, in fact, do a great job. She hung in there a long time holding that weight on her arse.  More than most people probably.  But, she lost. But then she pretty much told them all to talk to the hand.  "I did great." Ummmm, yeah, but you still lost.  Suck up a bit.  Then there's the fact on top of that that Stacey's.... well... a little crusty around the edges.  She's not super nice.  She made friends with Christine and then when Christine got the boot, she really hasn't (as far as we see, anyway) tried to chum up with anyone.  Bad idea. She even said it herself, that if she's got to lie, she'll lie (I think it was "I gotta lie to kick it."  Whatever.) and that she's got to "git in to fit in"...  Then git!

7) Edna is pretty much the opposite of Stacey.  Edna is in sort of the same position in that she knows she's  not a top-tier group member.  (I enjoy how Sophie actually calls their alliance "Five Plus Edna"....)  Edna, though is working hard at her social game to make up for it.  Thing is, she's working SO hard at it that she's annoying the hell out of people with the asking and the talking and the laughing and the walking on Coach's back (what?)  Really.  As Stacey herself put it, "Edna is scrambling like eggs in a hot skillet."  True, but it's at least a strategy, annoying as it may be.  IF, by some crazy reason Edna makes it to the end... you know what? She's got this in her back pocket.  She can say, yeah, I wasn't the most physical player, but I was the one who was nice to Coach on day one, and I was the one who got to know something about each one of you.  I know how Rick likes to shoot buffalo and how Mikayla got her modelling contracts and the real reason Brendan is loco.  Right?  We've heard it before where a jury member goes up and says, yeah, you're there but what do you know about me?  (Insert argument here about why that doesn't really matter... but it sorta does.)

8) Baby Hantz should really go home... 'cause he's a but nuts and 'cause he's the proverbial "loose cannon".  At Tribal Council, my boyfriend Jeff asked exactly the right question..."What's upsetting you right now?" So Baby started crying and going on about how he wants to restore the Hantz name, blah blah, blah.  And how he "wants to be someone God's proud of."  And it's hard to really tell how to take it.  On one hand, dude is obviously sincere.  On the other, if I'm Uncle Russell, I'm thinking, "I don't need your sorry loco Christian ass restoring my family name... I'm Russell Freaking Hantz."   So, Russell was a "villain" on Survivor... Big whoop.  He's not Hitler.  Ease up.

9) At the end of the day, annoying, bony niceness beat out crusty, strong crabbiness.  Stacey got the boot.  If there's another thing we learned, it's that Stacey did not want a hug.  I just about blew my drink out my nose when I was watching and Coach says, "Let's all give her a hug," as she gets up to go.  The rest of them (can you imagine Rick biting his tongue here?) reluctantly get up and try to hug Stacey, who was having none of it. And Coach tried... hard.  Heh.  I'm thinking, I've watched Stacey on TV for a grand total of 3 hours and I KNOW that she's A) not exactly the huggy type and B) not going to be interested in hugging people who just voted her out of the game.  How does Coach not get this?  And yay Stacey for calling them out on it.  "It's not real," she told Jeff.  SOOOOO true.  It's not. It's like when people vote people out and then go "love yooooooou"..... uh, no you don't.  You don't love them. You don't really like them. You want them gone so you can get a million bucks.  You hug them so you can feel better about voting them out, not to make them feel any better.  Jerks.  Anyway, I suddenly became a Stacey fan and again am not sure now who to cheer for between her and Christine.  Either way, there'll be a crusty, scrappy woman fighting it out at Redemption Island for a couple more episodes and you know either one would love to come back to the game and stir up trouble.  For Coach. 

What Ever Happened to Sweet Baby Hantz?

A fun, fun episode, non?  Nothing particularly jaw-dropping, but some good Survivor. 

First, let's see... there was the Redemption Island challenge with Semhar vs. Christine.  I was thrilled to see Christine win for the following reasons:

1. Christine is good TV.  She's bitter, she's scrappy, she's mouthy.  Yeah, I don't have to like her, but I like her on TV. 
2. Semhar is a weirdo, let's face it.  I mean, I'm sure she's nice and everything... and I'm not saying her poetry is bad or anything - I mean, I couldn't come up with an off-the-cuff rap about my "boo" - but seriously... can you imagine hanging with Semhar?  You'd be at Old Navy or something and the sales clerk would tell Semhar that her cardigan is in fact, not 30% off, and oh.... here we go again.  Poetry about Old Navy abandoning her.  Then later, you're at the movies and yep, there goes your friend. She had to leave the theatre and go into the lobby to do some poetry because, darn it, she just "felt" Wolverine more than the rest of us.  I'm sorry, but the girl's pals must have the patience of saints, or else they are like that too.  Whatev.
3. I adore that Coach wants Christine out SO badly.  The fact that she's causing him some inner turmoil is yet again good TV. 
4. Semhar exasperates even my very patient boyfriend, Jeff.  Jeff puts up with a lot and even Jeff is tired of Semhar.

OK, so speaking of inner turmoil.... back at team Coach... Baby Hantz has some serious issues "because he's a Christian."  I'm not being glib, the dude prefaces every other statement with, "Because I'm a Christian...."  Does anyone else notice this?  First of all, he has trouble with lying.  Can't lie to the team about his uncle Ressell "because he's a Christian."  Also, "because he's a Christian," he doesn't like Mikayla, the Whore of Babylon (Sophie's words, not mine.)  He's just SO conflicted.  I presume that in regular life, the dude must have trouble getting by.  Seriously.  Is it like, "Because I'm a Christian, I'm having a lot of trouble eating eggs. They come from female chickens, and those chickens are just out there flaunting the fact that they're female... with BREASTS.... and EGGS!"  Whaaaaat?  Really, I think this stuff happens to Baby Hantz. 

Honestly, what has happened to this guy that he's so insanely worried about sinning?  There are loads of normal Christians out there....even on Survivor.  I mean, even Coach - who's all about playing the game with integrity/honesty/honour/whatever - even Coach knows he's playing a game and the game is not called "Tell everyone everything you know all the time."  When COACH looks like the smart, sane, balanced one... you know something's up.  And oh yeah... it's NOT REAL LIFE!

So first, Baby tells everyone he's Russell's nephew and that he's not like Russell, blah, blah, blah.  And, that he'd rather make friends than win a million dollars.  OK. Thing is, you've already screwed this up.  If honesty was your thing, you'd have told everyone from the start, but you're not that smart.  So now his team figures that he's OK with hiding things when it suits him and oh yeah - he's completely untrustworthy because he can't keep a secret.  Right?  AND, he's just told everyone that it's actually OK to vote him off, because he's not really here to win anyway. 

Then Mikayla confronts him about why he wants her gone.  Yes, it's because he doesn't like her.  Flat out.  Then makes her go over in front of everyone to ask how solid her alliance is, because other people don't like her either.  Now, not only is Baby Hantz an untrustworthy and weirdly paranoid Christian half-liar with bad tattoos... he's also just kind of a jerk.  Cue sad music.... Mikayla the lingerie football player sitting at the sunset, crying. Cut to sea turtle.

Another thing.  Notice when everyone's name comes up on the screen, so does their occupation.  It's STACEY - Mortician, or JIM - Medical Marijuana Dude.  But Baby Hantz's "occupation" says - Russell Hantz's Nephew.  This makes me think a) is this a job?  I mean, I didn't know Lingerie Football Player was a job, so it's possible.  b) If this is a job, what does it entail?  Fetching Uncle Russell's hat?  And c) that the producers really wanted Russell on the show and he wouldn't come on, so this is the only guy they could find with a legit link to Russell.  He was ASKED to be on the show & didn't have to audition like everyone else.  Thing is,  he doesn't actually want to be there or play the game, right?  Which is kind of degrading to Russell himself, non?  Russell was a self-proclaimed lover of the game of Survivor.  It must make his skin itch to watch his own family not care and uh, well, be that dumb. 

OK, enough of Baby Hantz.  Let's see... team Coach wins the challenge.  Again, Coach looks like a superstar.  When did this happen?  His team wins by just a bit over team Ozzy.  On team Ozzy, no one really drops the ball or anything, they just don't win.  Dawn shows herself to be pretty athletic and does a great job in the challenge (you see? She's put away the crazy & pulled it together!) and Cochran gets a job where he doesn't look too weak.  When are they going to give that boy a puzzle already?  At any rate, it looks like a toss-up between Cochran and Papa Bear to go home.  Papa Bear just can't seem to make friends with the Barbie & Ken team that he's on, feels like he has nothing in common with them... and is on the outs.  Thing is, he never really tried, did he?  Dude could have taken on the role of ummmm... Papa Bear.... and been the wise, older, gay dude with lots of advice on life, love and Broadway musicals.  But, he didn't put himself in that position, so we can't really feel to badly for him.  Cochran, on the other hand, is actually trying to get in with the crowd using work ethic and humour.  I don't know that it's necessarily working, but it was likely the tipping point last night. 

So our dear Papa Bear (ugh, I still hate the nickname... and I like nicknames generally... have you noticed?) gave it one last ditch effort by digging frantically for the hidden immunity idol ("like a gopher" says Elyse...) but doesn't find it. Why? Because Ozzy has it already.  (By the way, did you like how Ozzy trusted Keith with the info and then Keith went right out to tell Whitney about it? And she told two friends, and they told two friends....)  So Papa does the old "make your own idol" trick, zips back to camp with "a smile on his face and a huge bulge in his pants" (Cochran's words, not mine, but delightful to repeat) causing Cochran, particularly, to worry.  However, he needn't worry at all - Papa got the votes.

So now it'll be Papa Bear vs. Christine at the next Redemption Island challenge!!  I love this.  Now, I cheer for Papa Bear.  Why?  Because I like him and want him to get his groove back.  Also, I want him to get back in the game and join the blue team.  Here's how it'll go... Baby Hantz (if he makes it that far, which is highly unlikely) will say, "Because I'm a Christian, Papa Bear makes me uncomfortable."  Then Liza Minelli will swoop down out of nowhere and play lingerie football with Mikayla.  God bless America.

Evil, Thy Name is Woman!

Sorry for the late post today...Let's see, where to start?  Well, I missed the first few minutes of the show and when I looked to see what I missed, apparently it was Semhar reciting poetry about "abandonment"...  Say it with me.... Ugh.  I mean, maybe it was lovely, whatever.  Just... ugh.  Maybe try a poem about being not very good at throwing coconuts, then I'll play along.  Am I a jerk? 

The part where I joined in was where Cochran was involved in "being the New Cochran."  I honestly can't decide if I love or hate this guy.  I want to like him, I really do.  You too, right?  He's so eager and really, really has embraced being "New Cochran" which is lovely.  He's using a machete to open up a coconut and is quite proud of his accomplishment.  And you love it until he tells us that his mother told him not to go around using a machete by himself... and that he's disobeying her by doing exactly that.  Ummm... how old is New Cochran?  I do like that he's breaking the apron strings... maybe this will translate to some independence when he gets back home.  Maybe?  Or, maybe he'll go home and continue to refer to himself in the third person as "New Cochran."  Either way, I enjoyed how he was so excited to share his coconut with Keith & was so proud, saying it was "like his own child."  Keith, of course, says, "So, I'm drinking your child?"  Heh.  Yeah, Keith's a bit of a jerk.  We'll get along just fine. 

Jim, on the other hand, our chief dope distributor (and I mean dope in the noun vs adjective sense), is a bit of a wiener.  He keeps telling us how smart he is and I'm fairly sure that we're going to hear every episode how he's a world poker champion.  Uh, good for you.  Generally, people who need to tell you all the time how smart they are.... well you know.  So Jim figures he's controlling the game by making an alliance with Ozzy & Keith.  Keith, meanwhile, has already made an alliance with Ozzy because....well.... see the paragraph above. Keith is 1) a bit of a jerk and 2) way cooler than the rest of us. 

Ozzy, our Jesus de la Jungle, has found the immunity idol.  Which, is ACTUALLY smart (ummm, Jim? Take notes.)  And, on that note, I really enjoy watching Ozzy climb trees. 

Back at the blue camp, Christine finds the clue to the idol but can't actually find the idol.  Thing is, she does it in a blatant way where everyone knows she either has an idol or is looking for it.  Not super smart. 

Coach decides to add to his alliance by palling up with Edna, whose sun visor is made out of a Survivor clue!  I thought it was tree bark, but you can see the writing on the one side.  I have decided I adore Edna, solely because of this.  Is that wrong? 

Now... Baby Hantz.  Let's talk about Baby Hantz.  Since the theme today seems to be how smart (real vs. imagined) people on this show are.... where would you put Baby on the scale?  Last night, I'd put  him at the bottom.  First off, he comes clean to Coach about being Russell's nephew.  Now, let's remember that this has more to do with honesty than it does with strategy.  It turned out to be a good strategy, oddly, as Coach's whole thing is to play with "honesty & integrity & loyalty & honour" blah, blah, blah.  Don't get me started on that, but at least he HAS a strategy.  So, in a way, Baby's idea of blabbing to Coach is a good one... be up front & honest, show Coach that you're in his corner, that you - unlike your uncle - can be trusted.  Now, Coach has pretty good instincts and has decided to trust Baby on this.  (And as an aside... is it not a bit scary that Coach seems like the reasonable person here? The wise one?)  So, OK, chalk one up for Baby. 

That's where it all unravels for our little Loco, however.  He's got a thing against Mikayla.  Why?  Because she's pretty.  Yep, that is it.  That is his only reason.  He figures that because she's pretty, she's Parvati.  Naturally pretty = using your body to get what you want and 'wrap all the guys around your finger.'  Uh huh.  Now, let's all agree that Mikayla IS indeed pretty (she's the lingerie football player, 'member?) but really has NOT been playing it up a la Parvati.  Everyone is in their undies, not just her.  (Let's not talk about how they're blurring out Coach's junk.  Oh, dang.)  She even tells us that she's actually kind of a tom boy and that's why she likes playing football.  She just happens to be able to get paid to do it in lingerie.  OK.  Baby Hantz, however, keeps giving her the creepy cut-eye and keeps talking about how he's a married man and can't be around this sort of temptress.  Uh, what?  Clearly, Baby has gotten himself in some Loco trouble before with his woman.  Clearly, Baby's woman has laid down the law.  Baby is not to be around lingerie football players.  See, here's the thing though.  1) She doesn't actually care about Baby.  2) Even if she did, he acts like she'll just seduce him and he'll in no way be able to resist (is this how it works, men?)  3) Being pretty does not equal being a harlot.  And 4) so, what does he do in real life if say, a pretty girl works with him or is on the same bus?  Run?  Read her Bible verses and tell her to cover up & pray for her soul?

Oh, and it doesn't end there, does it?  So Baby desperately wants to get rid of Mikayla at Tribal Council.  Thing is, no one else does.  Everyone else is normal and thinks that Mikayla is both nice and a hard worker.  Oh yeah, and she kicks ass at challenges.  No one else has a reason to get rid of her.  So Baby goes to work on his plan, which really isn't a plan at all.  He tells Coach that Stacey and Christine are voting for Mikayla.  To be clear, they are not. 

Now, if this was anyone else, it might not be a problem but it's Coach.  Coach's strategy (again, it IS a strategy, even if it's weird) is to "lay it all out on the table" at Tribal Council.  Coach tells everyone that Stacey & Christine are planning to vote for Mikayla.  They plead that no, they're not.  Baby gets all worried. Christine tries to get Coach to say who told him that & he won't.  You see, 'cause he's loyal to Baby.  Albert totally had it right.  Do you love Albert?  Now there's a smartypants.  At any rate, I very much enjoyed watching my boyfriend Jeff's delight at the scene unfolding before his eyes.  He just gets to sit back & let this stuff happen... you can't script this stuff and this is why I still love the show.  There's still that bit of human craziness factor that you can't predict.

So, Christine got the boot, which actually was easy to predict, non?  Not so good at the challenges, and did nothing to endear herself to the tribe.  We called it last time, when she told Coach he's "temporary" and then went off looking for the idol.  Again, not so high on the smart scale, right?  Why do people forget about the social part of this game? It's like they've never watched it.  Poor Christine.  The good news for her is that unless it's a poetry competition, she'll probably have no trouble beating Semhar at Redemption Island.  Maybe they could have an eye roll-off.  I think Christine would still win.