Pat Benatar 1, Coach Wade 0

So it's the end of an era... Sigh... I'm so glad he made it that long. Coach made my life, and last night's show proved why he should have his own TV series. Dude is amazing.

Also... let's put it out there (and remember that I called it ages ago) that JT is going to win. The only way he won't win at this point is if Stephen, Taj & Erin are smart and vote him out next (provided he doesn't win immunity, which he probably will anyways). But... I don't think they will. It's like everyone really wants JT to win a million dollars. And honestly, he has played one of the smartest games I've seen in a while. He's under the radar enough that no one really realized how much control he had until just recently... he's made friends with everyone and hasn't pissed anyone off. He seems to know exactly how to deal with everyone - especially Coach. Did you see how they made Coach believe that they had saved him from Debbie?

Then, Coach starts lobbying hard for not going to Exile. His asthma is really acting up... from all the smoke at the campfire... and he's got "ruptured discs" in his back. Huh. How convenient. The smoke, etc. hadn't bothered him up 'til now... But, in a masterful move, when JT won the reward challenge, he took Stephen with him (because Stephen took him on his reward, right?) and told Coach he should do the "noble" thing by going to Exile, since everyone else had already been. JT knows exactly how to play it. Appeal to that whole "we are noble warriors" crap that the Coach believes in. Nicely played. Meanwhile he tells us at home that yeah, he just wants Coach nice & weak so they can vote him off next.

Coach says he'll go but will "take the monastic approach" and will not eat, drink or build fire... he'll just meditate. This makes Erinn lose it. She calls him out, tells him he's just trying to be a martyr. Yeah, she's right and her consistent bitchiness is what makes her endearing, but really, shut the heck up. All she did was make everyone else mad. (Oh, Erinn.... why are you still there?) 'Cause really, Coach managed to one-up her with, "Yeah, I want it to be hard. Hit me with your best shot, Pat Benatar!" Snort.

So then... let's discuss the brilliant editing by our friends at Survivor. The lone warrior walking the sand dunes to Exile, the eagle soaring above and the clouds magnificently roll by. But wait, is that an eagle, or a vulture? Yes... it's the buzzards that are circling, watching the already emaciated Coach hang out & do nothing... ummmm....I mean meditate. I'm thinking it's 'cause he can't actually start a fire or fend for himself, non? And he doesn't want to look stupid(er) by admitting it. Instead, he talks himself up. Literally. Talks about himself in the third person.

"Nothing's gonna bring Coach Wade down."
"Coach Wade can do this"
"Chalk this up as just another adventure for Coach Wade."
"Coach Wade still has what it takes..."
...etc.

And yeah, something about the foundation of Coach Wade is a rock. Then lists the attributes of said rock (Coach Wade): "Unbreakable. Unbending. Unyeilding. Immeasurable. Immovable. Invincible." (He kinda reminds me of the Ben Stiller character in Dodgeball... Right?) Sigh... Then... (oh yes, there's more) he tells us that it's like a journey of his ancestors, the Native Americans, who would commune with nature and become a man.... "except I'm already a man, so it'll be more of an adventure." So now Coach Wade is an Indian. Wait... an Indian Samurai warrior-wizard-dragonslayer. And yes, he finds a bendy piece of wood to carry around, which he calls his "dragon cane." Crikey. He just keeps on giving, and giving....

You can't script this stuff.

When he comes back from Exile for the immunity challenge, he's pretty much limping. The challenge is to stand on these little pegs, bracing with your arms for as long as possible. Of course, the pegs get smaller as time goes on. It comes down to Coach vs. JT. For a minute it looks like Coach might actually pull off a win. But, in true Coach fashion, he breaks down and loses in a storm of drama. He can't just hop off and congratulate JT. No. He has to let out a huge yell, then hop down, then fall on the ground, writhing in pain, complaining about his "back spasms" while everyone runs up to see if he's ok. (Except Erinn, who can't bring herself to feign caring. Hee.) Why? 'Cause it's all about Coach Wade. Jeff cleverly asks if he wants medical to check out his back. "NO!" snaps Coach, "If they looked at my back, they wouldn't let me stay in the game!" Riiiiiiiiight. Or they'd blow your cover by telling us that NOTHING is wrong with you.

So it looks like it'll be Erinn or Coach. We know Erinn and Taj are voting for Coach. Coach and JT are voting Erinn (note, JT has to keep his word to Coach, right? He's not going to lose any votes on that jury.) It comes down to Stephen, who amazingly votes for Coach. I thought he's follow the JT line. Coach, in his parting words, tells us he knows it was Stephen, the wizard, who strayed from the warrior alliance. "He's not the white wizard. He's the evil wizard." Right... but before the vote, Coach stops everyone.... to read a poem he's written for the occasion. The jury are beside themselves. It's delightful. Here it is for you - put it up on your wall. It's profound.

With friend & foe we march to the battle plain
Some to seek success, others to seek fame.
We play with honour for the love of this game
And with armour or without, we will toil in vain
So that someday, someone, somewhere will remember our name.

Word.