Ah, Season 22! I was kinda peeved when I heard about Russell & Rob coming back (and honestly still think they've had more than their due on this show), but now that I'm watching.... damn, it's good TV!
Where to start? How about with a rant or two?
Rant #1 - The Underpants.
I know, you've heard this one before here, but honestly... it's icky. Can't they wear bathing suits? At least most of the girl underwear pretty much looks like swimsuits, but it's still bad. Kristina's bra is ummm... ill-fitting to say the least and Phillip... oh, Phillip. Dude is wearing red & white, baggy Y-fronts that look like they've been through the laundry 800 times. And, I mean, Phillip's got some good physique (we'll get to his not-to-good personality later). But, honestly, at some point there's going to be spillage. (Thanks to poolster Wendy who reminded me of the very uncomfortable & awkward underwear-clad hug moment b/tw Kristina & Phillip. Eeesh!) Do people completely forget that they're going on this show, or, at what point do they look at themselves in the mirror in their underpants and go, "Hey, this looks good for national television!" Bringing me to my next rant....
Rant #2 - Have You EVER Watched This Show???
Seriously. Obviously, they have. Yet, obviously, every single season without fail people act like they thought they were going to be on Big Brother or maybe Hell's Kitchen instead. They show up completely unprepared, in high heels (did you see the little waitress girl, Russell's girlfriend? Stephanie I think? Green pumps!) and sweater vests & ties (I have no idea which guy it was... maybe David?) and baggy red Y-fronts. Somehow Boston Rob knows he can wear cargo pants and a tank top.... mind you, I'm fairly sure that's his uniform no matter where he might be. Oh, the Oscars! I'm going to wear my best cargo pants, and dress tank! But you get the point, right? At no point will you need your heels. Then, they are unprepared when it comes to say, building a fire (see last season: Survivor MacGuyver Jane for how to buck that trend.) And finally, they don't have any idea HOW TO SHUT UP! Every season people get voted out for being too vocal, too crazy, too much in people's faces. Yet every season, a whole bunch of yahoos get voted off one after another after another because they don't know how to shut their cake holes. Bringing me straight to:
Rant #3 - Phillip
Phillip was the star of last night's episode. Aside from the unholy underpants, Phil is off his rocker. My first "uh-oh" (because he's my pick in the pool.... great.) came when they're setting up camp and he's all running up to people (girls especially) to tell them exactly how wrong they're doing whatever it is they're doing and then instructing them on the right way. People love being told what to do by overbearing A-types, right? Then, he goes up to all the girls & informs them of his big "secret" that he's a FORMER SPECIAL AGENT (read: I was eventually fired because I'm crazy.) with a number of agencies (read: I was transferred a lot so people didn't have to deal with me.) and he'd be good to keep around because he will be able to "read people immediately & tell if they're lying" (read: I'm desperate for you to think I'm important.) Phil would go on to use the line, I AM A FORMER SPECIAL AGENT numerous times when trying to get his point across. You don't see Boston Rob running around saying, "I AM A FORMER CONTESTANT ON SURVIVOR." even though it really carries more weight in this situation than does being a former special agent. Now the unfortunate part about Phil's lunacy, is that it gets entangled with:
Rant #4 - Kristina
Kristina starts off a superstar. She immediately checks the toolbox (Uh, when did we start giving the Survivors entire sets of tools supplied by Craftsman? Is this HGTV?) for clues to the hidden immunity idol (clever) but gets caught doing so by Rob (more clever). At this point, she should have started working WITH Rob to get further in the game, but instead decides to work against him and in so doing, has pretty much ensured her demise. She goes out and finds the hidden idol simply by looking for weird trees or landmarks and turning up rocks. Really? That's pretty awesome, right? Even Russell hasn't pulled this off. However.... Instead of a) working with Rob as mentioned or b) hanging on to the idol quietly until it's needed.... she decides that the best thing to do would be to use it now to blindside Rob. Why? Because she panicked (or, she's at "what we call a high state of arousal" - Phillip). If she'd have SHUT UP about it (see Rant #2), they probably would have gone the usual Survivor route and voted off the weakest girl in the pack (Natalie?) or else they'd have gotten sick of Phil's lunacy and voted him out. She only had an alliance of 3 (with Francesca & Phil) and even Francesca could see it... it's just going to piss people off, they all like Boston Rob, and we need him in the challenges. Had it worked, what do you think would have happened to them come Tribal Council #2? Not a well-thought-out plan at all.
Rant #5 - Francesca (or, as Phillip likes to say, Fransquestra, Franchesqua, or Franquesra)
I really like Fran (I'm getting carpal tunnel typing these names out all the time.) She's smart (ish) and athletic and has just plainly gotten herself tied to the wrong gang of idiots. She did try telling Kristina how it was going to go and she knew better than to trust Mr. FORMER SPECIAL AGENT. But, she was not strong enough and it got her own arse voted off. Franchesqua is now our first visitor to Redemption Island, where she'll have to duel it out with whoever goes there next show. Fun! (And as to Phil's mispronunciation of her name.... did you love his response? "I have a very dry throat. I'm getting treatment for it." Really? Delightful.)
But that's not the end of it.
I can't tell you about her getting voted out without talking about that Tribal Council. It was truly one of the best first Tribals EVER. It started out all innocent, until my boyfriend Jeff asked Francheesequa something or other about Boston Rob. When she responded that it's "not like Boston Rob is going home," Phillip lost whatever normalcy he had been managing up until then. He announced that Kristina & Fran were plotting against Rob (keep in mind he's IN THEIR ALLIANCE!!) and when questioned about it, they did a reasonable job denying it, until Phil went on to announce that Kristina has the immunity idol. Way to keep the state secrets there, buddy. YOU'RE A FORMER SPECIAL AGENT! Perhaps you were fired for ummmm.... telling that to everyone all the time & spilling the proverbial beans? Just a thought. Anyway, Rob, 'cause he's awesome, tells Kristina that if she gives him the idol right now, she'll get to stay. Ha! Did you love this move? Ballsy. She again maybe should have taken the bait. I don't think it would have changed the voting, but it may have allowed her to mend fences later. Maybe. Now she's alone completely on day two. Way to play, sunshine. The absolute best was Jeff's face as he again just gets to sit back and let it all unfold. Easiest. Job. Ever.
So that's what happened. Here are my other miscellaneous thoughts:
Russell - Entertaining & cocky as always. For some reason you have to have a trademark hat if you're a FORMER SURVIVOR STAR. He's made a pact already with (again!) the smallest girl, Stephanie of the Green Pumps. Thinks no one knows, but everyone does. People are wary of Russell & no matter how much he tells them he's not there to sabotage them, uh, I think they all know that he's there to sabotage them. And next time he gets into a fight with Farmer Ralph.
Farmer Ralph - I can't decide if I like him or not. He's like a cartoon character & says stuff like, "I done built me a shelter." Wow. Will be interesting to see what side of the Russell-Ralph fight he comes out on.... depends how much people like him. If they don't, Russell will work hard to vote him out quick.
David - Sweater & tie. Really? Is this glee club?
Grant - The "other guy" from the Boston Rob tribe who so far is mute.
Matt - The new Fabio, if only Fabio was more into Jesus.
Mike - Iraq war vet. Strong. Smart. Not at all hard on the eyes.
Stephanie of the Green Pumps - I think I hate her. Sorry. Thinks she's all that because she wears green pumps and is pals with Russell. Say it with me.... Ugh!
Steve - We didn't see much of him, but we will. Trust. Steve's a strong personality & it won't be long before we hear more from him. Plus, he's a FORMER NFL STAR. Let's see if he'll tell people or not.
Then there are a whole bunch of girls who at this point we either haven't heard from or are interchangeable. Much to be seen! So exciting!!!
Thanks for reading & do tell me your thoughts!
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