Grossest episode of Survivor ever! It's as good a place to start this blog as any... attacking the pig.
The immunity challenge was this: Each team gets a roast pig on a spit. Each person has their hands tied behind their backs and has to bite off a piece of pig and spit it out in a basket. At the end of the timed game, the team with the most pig in their basket (by weight) wins! Vegetarians everywhere recoil in horror. Pigs everywhere... well, you know how they felt. It was icky. The small blessing was that they removed the (some would say most tastiest) parts of the pig that are normally ON roast pigs on spits... the head, the feet... and just left a big roasted meat blob with sauce. So, naturally, everyone's faces were covered in sauce. (Aside: imagine that production meeting where they tested out this game with a regular roasted pig and some awesome intern yells out, "I know! This would be way better with BBQ sauce all over it!" That intern now has a three show development deal with CBS.) Right.... so the saucy-faced pig biting is one thing but let's give you the visual of the extra gross bits. For one, there was the part where people would get pig stuck in their teeth and a teammate would have to pick it out with their teeth. Then there was poor Mikayla picking up a piece of pig off the ground that Rick had dropped. (Another aside: can we discuss at some point how Rick A) reminds me of Ron Swanson from Parks & Recreation and B) looks super fantastic/weird in his cowboy attire from the waist up and Bermuda shorts from the waist down?) Where were we? Oh, yeah, the gross pig-eating. So, then there were the shots of people spitting the pig into the basket with tons of actual spit attached to the pig. And the piece de resistance would be the basket cam. (Thanks, likely, to the same above-mentioned intern.) Yes, at some point there was a basket camera shot where we could see people spitting their disgusting, spitty, sauce-covered pig meat into the basket as if we were at the bottom of said basket o' pork. Ew. (So, logistically, was there one glass-bottomed basket with a camera in it, and one regular basket that the team could take wtih them? These are the things I like to think about.) Coach's team won by 2 ounces (!!!) and won immunity, a reward of some spices & stuff, and the basket of pig meat. Say it with me... Ew. I mean, I suppose if you're hungry, you boil off the spit and eat the meat. Still, gross, right?
So fast forward to the losing team sitting around chatting about how they lost and how their lips and gums hurt and how Dawn lost part of a molar (!!!) and then Cochran chirps in with "and now we'll probably all have herpes"... totally grossing everyone out even further than they probably already were. Yup. And well, he has a point. I know they probably all sign off on these things before being on the show, but man... that would be an unwanted bonus, non? Though, would make a good t-shirt: "I was on Survivor and all I got was this cold sore." Right? Anyway, sometimes poor Cochran should really just shut it.
Are you suitably grossed out yet? Let's talk about non-gross stuff for a sec. Christine won the Redemption Island challenge (again!) sending Stacey home, but not before Stacey spewed out a bunch of stuff about how "Benjamin" is controlling everything with Albert and Sophie. Heh heh... they refused to call Coach "Coach" and called him Benjamin instead, which of course made Benjamin super mad when he heard about it. "Even my parents have called me Coach since I was 20," or something like that, says Coach. Which... is weird, right? Whatever... it was a funny way for Christine to keep digging away at the poor dragon slayer. I still love that she is his nemesis. And that she is the new Matt and keeps on winning.
The other thing about Stacey's rant is that when team Ozzy heard about it, Ozzy piped up with, "Coach should get rid of Albert right away." This made Jim nervous. Mind you, Jim is nervous all the time anyway, probably from ducking the Feds on lots of "medical" marijuana related inquiries. Thing is, it made Jim even more interested in getting rid of Elyse - Ozzy's right hand ummm... person. So Jim went off to sway Keith by saying that Jim and Keith - being the big dudes - would be a threat to Ozzy and would be voted out next. Keith bought in and went to discuss with Whitney.
Now, Ozzy has gotten truly annoying. As pointed out by Cochran, he lazes about most of the day with Elyse and pretty much has accepted his role as Jesus of the Jungle. He catches fish, yes. And he was sure to tell us about how much catching fish takes out of him, physically, to justify his long snoozes in the hammock. I can't say whether or not this is true, as I've never actually been spearfishing. If any of you dear readers has, please tell me about it. I don't doubt that it's tiring, but I also think Ozzy is ok with doing just enough work around camp (fishing) and not one little bit more. Also, I can't stand how patronizing Ozzy and Elyse are to Cochran. They talk to him like he's a child. Yeah, he's a goofy dude who doesn't know anything about the outdoors like Ozzy, but ummmm... he's a pretty smart guy and was right to point out that there will be lots of different kinds of challenges coming up (mind you, in next week's episode, it looks like Cochran has some trouble lifting a wheelbarrow full of coconuts. Apparently coconuts being heavy is a theme for this season.)
So.... Elyse ended up getting totally blindsided, which was awesome. I always love a good blindside. I love that it's going to make Ozzy into a big crybaby and I love that it knocked him down a peg. Will be interesting to see whether or not he pulls himself out of the funk that'll come with being betrayed. Remember, he's got the immunity idol, but remember that Keith knows about it. Fun, right? I love how Keith and Whitney figured they wouldn't vote for Elyse because it'll make Ozzy mad, but they thought it was OK to vote for someone else - Dawn - KNOWING that it'll end up in in Elyse getting the boot. Ummm... not sure how that's any different than just writing her name down. If you're Ozzy, the feeling at the end of the day is the same and if you're Keith and Whitney, you should know that Jim and Cochran are now the new bosses. For now.
Oh yeah, and Coach found the immunity idol too. His complete gleefulness when he found it and then got to eat spitty pig meat was pretty fun to watch. And something about telling the dragon to stay down... hee. Read into that what you will. He will need to be knocked down a peg too. And hopefully none of them get any pig-borne communicable diseases. Squeal!
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