OK, that was one of the craziest Survivor episodes EVER! What the....? I don't even know where to start with this one. I really did not see this coming - that this group of women would end up looking like the sane, reasonable, cohesive ones....
Most of the good drama happened near the end. Before that, there are a few things worth mentioning:
1. Once again, the boys don't get it. Jonas & Troyzan asked the gals if they could try using their net to catch fish because Jonas is from Hawaii and knows how to use it. They would give the girls half the fish caught. Ummmm.... good deal for normal people, but remember how you turned the girls away when they were asking for fire & shelter during that storm? Yeah, they're not interested. Plus, the sisters are doin' it for themselves, thank you very much. They're eating snails and catching some fish & are a-ok. This led to Completely Non-Politically-Correct thing to say #1. Troyzan: "I don't know if their emotions are turning wacky or what, but they're just emotional creatures and they just can't seem to think straight."
2. Emotional Creatures Kick Ass - The girls won the reward challenge, despite their wacky emotions. They got a tarp for their shelter. Tarzan tells the women they were "just lucky." Uh-huh.
3. If a Leif Falls in the Forest - does anybody hear? Just when I was thinking, hey, that Leif is doing really well in this game.... he screws up. He pals up with Bill and lets it slip that Colton had wanted to vote Bill out instead of Matt at the last Tribal. Whoops. You could tell he realized it was dumb the minute it left his lips, but it was out already and naturally, it got back to Colton, who.... without even getting up from his hammock... summons Leif over. Seriously, Colton is the Evil King and has got to be voted out. He's the Russell of this season, I'm a-tellin' y'all. More on that later. Colton pretty much won't listen to Leif's apology (which was pretty lame, I have to admit) and tells him, "You've just sealed your fate." Like he's frickin' Zeus on top of Mount Olympus. Then, Colton goes on to say Completely Non P-C thing to say #2, calling Leif a "munchkin" and saying he's going to "send him back to Oz where he belongs." !!!!! This incident is also the pre-cursor to the Tribal Council drama.
4. The only other funny part to mention before we get back to Colton and how terrible he is.... is when the girls figure out they're going to have to do a puzzle for the immunity challenge & Kat announces that she's not good at puzzles. We all knew that part. The funny part is when Alicia says it's OK, she'll be her partner again.... Kat pretty much tells Alicia that no, she's not very good at puzzles either. Hee hee. Which made Alicia mad (which is pretty much her natural state and probably has something to do with wacky emotions) but then proved totally correct when Alicia and her partner Chelsea totally screwed up the first puzzle in the immunity challenge and lost it for their team. The best part was that Jeff totally wouldn't let it go.... "Ladies, what happened? That was the easiest puzzle and you couldn't do it. You even looked at the men's puzzle and couldn't even copy it. You were the worst puzzle solvers I've ever seen." OK, I'm embellishing a little, but it was good, and I enjoyed seeing that smarmy Alicia squirm a bit. She laughed it off after the challenge and the other girls were pissed! And that top of hers is the WORST. I hate looking at it. It's like both boobs are going in separate directions and then there's a hoop that's desperately trying to force them together. Girlfriend needs some Victoria's Secret. So I was really excited because I thought she might get voted out.... BUT....
The men are lunatics.
Bill tries to talk it out with Colton and Colton shuts him down & is super rude about it. I mean, I get it if you don't like Bill but holy moly, Colton is the hugest drama queen ever. He says Bill "attacked him" and wants him gone. Meanwhile, it filters around how Leif told Bill about the plan to vote him out. All of a sudden, Tarzan especially is all emotionally wacky about how Leif "betrayed" their alliance. Then Colton comes up with the brilliant plan of giving the women immunity and the men going to Tribal Council instead. That's how much he wanted Bill gone and why he won't win this game. He's uh... way too emotional. Really, I can't see how on earth going to Tribal to get rid of someone on your team is better than just hanging on, keeping your numbers up and voting them out later. I mean, surely there would be another time to get rid of Bill... right? Like Jonas said when the women won the tarp but the men were still up in numbers, "I'd rather have a person than donuts any day." (Donuts were the reward the men were going for.)
Now, not all the men like this idea but they eventually go along with Colton so as not to get on his bad side for obvious reasons. Then, it became all confusing because half of the men thought they were going to Tribal to vote out Bill... and the other half (thanks to Tarzan and his ranting) thought they were going to vote out Leif for his terrible "betrayal"....
My ex-boyfriend Jeff's face when the men walk in and not the women was delightful (though, really Jeff? I find it hard to believe that you pretty much usually know everything that's going on, but didn't know the men were coming? At any rate, the suspense made for good TV, so fine.)
Then things get really crazy and there were lots more Completely Non-P-C Things to Say. First there's the fight between Bill and Colton. Colton says he just doesn't like Bill. Jeff: Why? Colton: Because he's a "struggling stand-up comedian. I mean, get a real job. He doesn't even have a back-up plan." Everyone: (jaws dropped.) Bill naturally takes offense and says he's following his dream and has been on his own since he was 17 and shouldn't be told how to be from some white, rich kid who's never had to work a day in his life. Point: Bill. When the race issue comes up, Jeff asks Colton if he's ever been treated badly because he's gay. It's a fair question. Colton says, that no. The people he "associates with" would never treat him badly. Jeff: Do you know any black people? Colton: Sure, I went to all all-white private school but of course I have black people in my life. Jeff: Like...... Colton: My housekeeper.....
Again.... jaws drop.
Colton: But she's like a part of our family.
Jeff: A PAID part of your family.
Colton: Well she ain't gonna work for free.....
Sigh... So you know now why we can't love Colton any more. You just can't be calling little people munchkins and black people ghetto trash. Never even mind all the whining, eye rolling and spoiled brat not working and being lazy behaviour. Thing about him is, gay or straight, rich or poor, good teeth or bad teeth.... Colton's actually just not a very good human. And that's when ol' crazy-pants Tarzan started ranting yet again about how white people and black people should just get along and can't we all just stop talking about race and just judge each other on merits??? Word, brother. Except... that then he goes on to back up Colton. "Yeah, this just isn't showing Colton in a very good light...." There's really no other light available here. Even if we talk about how the editing and whatnot makes some people on Survivor look worse/better than they really are.... there's not much getting around this one. And in Colton's own words, if you can't see that you must be Helen Keller.
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