Wow, so that was one of the craziest, most uncomfortable hours of television ever, right? I don't think it suffices to say that Baby Hantz is crazy. He makes Shamar look perfectly well-adjusted. I'm no psychiatrist but I'm willing to go out on a limb and suggest that Baby has a mood disorder of some sort. He's up, then he's down, then he's up, then he's down.... He's moodier than a teenage girl with PMS. But the thing with him is that on his downswings, it's not just a bad mood. It turns into full-on rage. We've seen it several times. Then, when he calms down, he's very very sorry. I keep thinking - and it's a terrible thing to say - that he's the kind of guy who beats his wife. You cross him somehow and he'd lose his mind at you - ok, maybe emotionally more than physically, but it's got to happen at home too, right? Then he'd punch a wall and break something and then the next day be all apologetic and put his head in your lap and cry and beg you to forgive him. If it happens several times in six episodes (this season!) of Survivor, you can bet he's a peach to live with in real life. Dude needs counselling at best and possibly medication.
So backing up a bit.. what happened? Well, he woke up in a bad mood. He starts by telling everyone he wants to go home because he misses his wife & kids and feels guilty for selfishly trying to win a million dollars. (What?) He picked a fight with Philip. Which led to yelling and rage. Philip, to his credit, walked away. (Though, he did tell us that no one wants to pick a fight with the Specialist, 'cause he's got training or something or other... and actually... I kind of believe him.) Later... follow along with the pattern..... Baby feels bad. He now wants to stay in the game. He wants to compete hard for his family. He tries to make nice with Philip, who's pretty much had enough of being told to shut up and called a 'bitch'. (Or, 'punk-ass bitch' on occasion, for emphasis.) Philip calmly tells Baby that you know, this isn't really working. It's not me, it's you. You can trust me, but I just don't think I can trust you. And the kicker, "You really shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you." Meaning, I've let you into the alliance, now play along.
So Baby again sleeps on it and wakes up in an even worse mood than the day before. "I start the fire, I cook the food, and he tells me not to bite the hand that feeds me? I FEED ME!" OK, well aside from the fact that he took the phrase entirely literally, you can understand that he's a little bit frustrated with being at the bottom of the pecking order in an alliance led by Philip, who's not exactly the most normal dude himself.
Oh, also there was a reward challenge in which Baby and Philip were on deck for the Faves holding a rope that held up a net full of coconuts, which were continually adding to to make it heavier. Baby got the most coconuts at first, so let go of his rope first. Philip stayed cool and collected, actually taunting the other team until the Fans dropped both their nets (held by Michael & Matt). The Faves won a bunch of food. Yay, right? Nope, not if you're Baby Hantz. He's mad that HE didn't win it for them. "Philip's talking like he won the challenge..." Ummmm... Philip DID indeed win the challenge. I mean, Baby helped for sure, as did Brenda and Malcolm and Cochran who were throwing the coconuts for the Faves. (Aside: Did you love how they were going to sit out Cochran and he stepped up, saying, "No, I want to throw!" Yeah! I love his new confidence this season!) Anyway, Philip winning the challenge plus waking up mad about the alliance situation plus "I FEED ME" equals Baby Rage.
That's when he started yelling at Philip again. Lots more "Bitch/Punk-ass Bitch!" and then the unforgivable. He dumped out the rice and the beans on the ground. Now, let's remember that it hasn't been particularly nice out. Everyone's been rained on, out in the elements and tired and hungry. Granted, the Faves are doing much better than the Fans, who have no tarp and much less food. Still, dumping out food is only slightly below stabbing someone with a harpoon on the list of crappy things to do that'll get you voted off the island. I guess Baby figured that if he's going to go anyway, he will go out by being a complete and total selfish jerk. Then he kept repeating, "I will be the author of my fate, " or some damn thing... Again, Philip walks away rather than punch out Baby and the rest of the tribe starts trying to salvage what they can off the ground. I think it was Erik who said, "Why couldn't he just dump out ONE basket of food? Why two? It's not like he didn't make his point the first time." Which is sad and funny at the same time because it's true, but also because we're not dealing with a rational human here. He's like a 5 year-old. No, maybe five is too much. A two year-old who doesn't get his way. That's more like it, even though it does a disservice to a lot of nice two year-olds. Sorry.
So that's how the Faves decide as a group that they're going to conserve their energy and forfeit the immunity challenge. Why even compete when all they want is to go to Tribal Council and get rid of Baby? Seriously, if I'm them, I'm worried at this point that he's going to hurt someone or himself. Not even an exaggeration.
So just when you think it can't get more awkward and uncomfortable, drama unfolds at the challenge. Corinne tells my former boyfriend Jeff Probst that they want to forfeit. Then, on cue, Baby goes off. He starts telling the other tribe that Philip is bad and that he's running things and that they shouldn't let him get to the end. Jeff at some point gets Baby the heck away from the group (wise move) and gets him to stand by him instead. (Meanwhile, you know Security are just out of the camera shot...) Jeff tries to talk it out (promoting his new show, The Jeff Probst show, airing daytimes. Check your local listings.) This leads to more yelling, more rage, more "Bitch/Punk-ass Bitch!" (Honestly, I have never heard that word more in prime-time television, and I've seen The Bachelor.) Philip keeps his cool mostly but does finally lose it a bit (who wouldn't?) Remember, this is all unfolding in front of a dumbfounded Fans team. Andrea starts crying and Dawn is very emotional, as they're the two who tried the most to like Baby. (Andrea is a bit unstable as a teammate too, non? She herself caused a bunch of the rage when she told Baby that Philip was thinking of voting for him.... Dummy.)
So, in a huge first for the show, Jeff announces that we're going to have Tribal Council right now. (Legal is in his ear likely saying that it is a huge security risk to allow that insane dude to go back to camp where he might actually stab someone with a harpoon.) Brandon, who are you going to vote for? PHILIP! Everyone else, who are you going to vote for? One by one, Brandon. And so Baby is told to go wait behind a wall and Jeff will come get him while Baby walks away proclaiming, "I AM THE AUTHOR OF MY OWN ELIMINATION!" OK, buddy. Whatever.
Can we talk for a quick sec about how much Jeff loves Baby? He said it a number of times. And then with the shoulder massage? Is it like calming a dog down by petting it? Maybe Jeff knows more than I do about dealing with the Hantzes. He did ask, "Is it in the blood?" meaning "Is your family just a bunch of loud, selfish, immature losers?" Baby answered something like, "We dont' hold anything back. We say what's on our mind and I'm proud of that." Uh huh. Meaning: "I've been told that I'm special my whole life and have watched enough TV shows that have taught me that saying everything I feel is more important than common courtesy, manners or being civil and adult like a normal human." This man is a father of two. Let's all remember that.
So... yeah, some stuff happened with the Fans too. The most important being that Sherri is super annoyed that they all voted off Laura (and I did call it that yeah, she didn't want to but had to go along with the group) and then they still lost the challenge. Bah. Then, all of them looked for the immunity idol and Reynold found it AGAIN! Which, well, I love it in the sense that it makes the game more fun. I hate it that Reynold has it, 'cause he's a bit of a douchebag. Can I say that? Sure.
Next episode, it appears that they're going to merge. Which is crazy. The Faves are only up by 2 now, and wouldn't we like to continue on with these team dynamics? Apparently not. So will the Faves stay tight even in two teams? Sad for the Faves who have to go live at the Fans camp, non? And maybe not so good for Philip, who could see his position as head weirdo challenged. I'm thinking Reynold and Philip on the same tribe would not be a good thing. Anyway, we'll see how it shakes out. At any rate, we can all breathe a sigh of relief that no one will be stabbed in the night and we shouldn't have to hear anyone be called a punk-ass bitch for the next few minutes. Phew.
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