What Ever Happened to Sweet Baby Hantz?

A fun, fun episode, non?  Nothing particularly jaw-dropping, but some good Survivor. 

First, let's see... there was the Redemption Island challenge with Semhar vs. Christine.  I was thrilled to see Christine win for the following reasons:

1. Christine is good TV.  She's bitter, she's scrappy, she's mouthy.  Yeah, I don't have to like her, but I like her on TV. 
2. Semhar is a weirdo, let's face it.  I mean, I'm sure she's nice and everything... and I'm not saying her poetry is bad or anything - I mean, I couldn't come up with an off-the-cuff rap about my "boo" - but seriously... can you imagine hanging with Semhar?  You'd be at Old Navy or something and the sales clerk would tell Semhar that her cardigan is in fact, not 30% off, and oh.... here we go again.  Poetry about Old Navy abandoning her.  Then later, you're at the movies and yep, there goes your friend. She had to leave the theatre and go into the lobby to do some poetry because, darn it, she just "felt" Wolverine more than the rest of us.  I'm sorry, but the girl's pals must have the patience of saints, or else they are like that too.  Whatev.
3. I adore that Coach wants Christine out SO badly.  The fact that she's causing him some inner turmoil is yet again good TV. 
4. Semhar exasperates even my very patient boyfriend, Jeff.  Jeff puts up with a lot and even Jeff is tired of Semhar.

OK, so speaking of inner turmoil.... back at team Coach... Baby Hantz has some serious issues "because he's a Christian."  I'm not being glib, the dude prefaces every other statement with, "Because I'm a Christian...."  Does anyone else notice this?  First of all, he has trouble with lying.  Can't lie to the team about his uncle Ressell "because he's a Christian."  Also, "because he's a Christian," he doesn't like Mikayla, the Whore of Babylon (Sophie's words, not mine.)  He's just SO conflicted.  I presume that in regular life, the dude must have trouble getting by.  Seriously.  Is it like, "Because I'm a Christian, I'm having a lot of trouble eating eggs. They come from female chickens, and those chickens are just out there flaunting the fact that they're female... with BREASTS.... and EGGS!"  Whaaaaat?  Really, I think this stuff happens to Baby Hantz. 

Honestly, what has happened to this guy that he's so insanely worried about sinning?  There are loads of normal Christians out there....even on Survivor.  I mean, even Coach - who's all about playing the game with integrity/honesty/honour/whatever - even Coach knows he's playing a game and the game is not called "Tell everyone everything you know all the time."  When COACH looks like the smart, sane, balanced one... you know something's up.  And oh yeah... it's NOT REAL LIFE!

So first, Baby tells everyone he's Russell's nephew and that he's not like Russell, blah, blah, blah.  And, that he'd rather make friends than win a million dollars.  OK. Thing is, you've already screwed this up.  If honesty was your thing, you'd have told everyone from the start, but you're not that smart.  So now his team figures that he's OK with hiding things when it suits him and oh yeah - he's completely untrustworthy because he can't keep a secret.  Right?  AND, he's just told everyone that it's actually OK to vote him off, because he's not really here to win anyway. 

Then Mikayla confronts him about why he wants her gone.  Yes, it's because he doesn't like her.  Flat out.  Then makes her go over in front of everyone to ask how solid her alliance is, because other people don't like her either.  Now, not only is Baby Hantz an untrustworthy and weirdly paranoid Christian half-liar with bad tattoos... he's also just kind of a jerk.  Cue sad music.... Mikayla the lingerie football player sitting at the sunset, crying. Cut to sea turtle.

Another thing.  Notice when everyone's name comes up on the screen, so does their occupation.  It's STACEY - Mortician, or JIM - Medical Marijuana Dude.  But Baby Hantz's "occupation" says - Russell Hantz's Nephew.  This makes me think a) is this a job?  I mean, I didn't know Lingerie Football Player was a job, so it's possible.  b) If this is a job, what does it entail?  Fetching Uncle Russell's hat?  And c) that the producers really wanted Russell on the show and he wouldn't come on, so this is the only guy they could find with a legit link to Russell.  He was ASKED to be on the show & didn't have to audition like everyone else.  Thing is,  he doesn't actually want to be there or play the game, right?  Which is kind of degrading to Russell himself, non?  Russell was a self-proclaimed lover of the game of Survivor.  It must make his skin itch to watch his own family not care and uh, well, be that dumb. 

OK, enough of Baby Hantz.  Let's see... team Coach wins the challenge.  Again, Coach looks like a superstar.  When did this happen?  His team wins by just a bit over team Ozzy.  On team Ozzy, no one really drops the ball or anything, they just don't win.  Dawn shows herself to be pretty athletic and does a great job in the challenge (you see? She's put away the crazy & pulled it together!) and Cochran gets a job where he doesn't look too weak.  When are they going to give that boy a puzzle already?  At any rate, it looks like a toss-up between Cochran and Papa Bear to go home.  Papa Bear just can't seem to make friends with the Barbie & Ken team that he's on, feels like he has nothing in common with them... and is on the outs.  Thing is, he never really tried, did he?  Dude could have taken on the role of ummmm... Papa Bear.... and been the wise, older, gay dude with lots of advice on life, love and Broadway musicals.  But, he didn't put himself in that position, so we can't really feel to badly for him.  Cochran, on the other hand, is actually trying to get in with the crowd using work ethic and humour.  I don't know that it's necessarily working, but it was likely the tipping point last night. 

So our dear Papa Bear (ugh, I still hate the nickname... and I like nicknames generally... have you noticed?) gave it one last ditch effort by digging frantically for the hidden immunity idol ("like a gopher" says Elyse...) but doesn't find it. Why? Because Ozzy has it already.  (By the way, did you like how Ozzy trusted Keith with the info and then Keith went right out to tell Whitney about it? And she told two friends, and they told two friends....)  So Papa does the old "make your own idol" trick, zips back to camp with "a smile on his face and a huge bulge in his pants" (Cochran's words, not mine, but delightful to repeat) causing Cochran, particularly, to worry.  However, he needn't worry at all - Papa got the votes.

So now it'll be Papa Bear vs. Christine at the next Redemption Island challenge!!  I love this.  Now, I cheer for Papa Bear.  Why?  Because I like him and want him to get his groove back.  Also, I want him to get back in the game and join the blue team.  Here's how it'll go... Baby Hantz (if he makes it that far, which is highly unlikely) will say, "Because I'm a Christian, Papa Bear makes me uncomfortable."  Then Liza Minelli will swoop down out of nowhere and play lingerie football with Mikayla.  God bless America.