I Need a New Job

Welcome to a new season (#23!) of Survivor and a new season of the blog.  It's a familiar feeling on Thursday morning as I try to remember all that I loved about last night's episode.  I truly never get tired of the show.  At first, I was a little cheesed about the whole Ozzy & Coach thing... you know, that it's kinda lazy casting.  But I'm enjoying it.  I like that no one really wanted Coach on their team and EVERYONE wanted Ozzy... and that by the end of the show, Coach's team loves him and he's made himself a 5 person alliance. Poolster friend John said that Ozzy is "Jesus of the Jungle" which I'm totally stealing (thanks John!) as it completely suits him.  Everyone listens to him like he's the all-knowing jungle deity... though is it me, or does he come across stoned?  Perhaps he and medical marijuana dude will get along smashingly. 

Anyway, not going to give so much of a play-by-play as my first impressions of the cast... and I hope you'll leave your commenets as well. 

Let's start with team Coach - the blue team.  I enjoy that they're giving him a bit of a hard time about his past "performance" and that he's rolling with it and not taking himself too seriously.  That one woman... is it Christine???  is an idiot.  To say straight out that Coach & Ozzy are "temporary players" (uh, didn't Boston Rob win last season?) and then to go off and blatantly look for the hidden immunity idol.... dumb.  Not a super good way to endear yourself to your team. 

Edna is nice.  Maybe too nice for Survivor.  Hard to say yet.  Like that she was nice to Coach when no one else was.  Like that she has made herself a sun visor out of a leaf. Maybe it's tree bark.  I don't know, but it's awesome.

Baby Hantz.  Brandon.  Russell's nephew.  OK.... so he doesn't want anyone to know he's Russell's nephew.  Makes sense.  But he's got his last name tattooed on BOTH his arm and his back!!!  (Sidebar:  Who the hell gets their own name tattooed on them TWICE? That's weird, right?)  So it's going to be super hilarious to watch as he refuses to take off his shirt for a month.  Already he was out fishing with the shirt pulled around him like a fashionable shrug.  And already, that one gal.... I think it's Sophie.... says "there's something about him she doesn't trust.  He's hiding something."  Good instincts, Sophie!  Also... what is Baby Hantz's story?  We know he was a bad-ass youngster... with all the last name tattoos and a neck tattoo (extra bad-ass!) that says "Loco"... So poor tattoo taste aside, he's told us that he has now "changed" and found God or something... and that he married young.  OK, I'm on board with that... but the weirdness happened when he gave the cut-eye to Mikayla (uh, the lingerie football player.... there is such a thing? I would google it, but I'm at work.  Seriously, how is that your JOB?) because she was up on the roof of the shelter giving orders in her short shorts.  Which, btw, I didn't find that offensive.  I mean she wasn't tackling people in her Victoria's secret or anything.  But Baby Hantz said something to the effect of not wanting to be put in a "situation where he'll get in trouble."  Uh.... what?  Expecting more awesome weirdness to come from Baby.

Since we're talking about underwear.... again with the underwear.  Someone said (can't remember who & it doesn't matter) they were "surprised to be in their underwear already."  Uh, why?  Have you ever watched this show? I'm not entirely sure when it became ok to have a show about real people swimming in the South Pacific in their underpants, but Mark Burnett is an annoying genius for it.  More on that later.

Right.  So team Coach... anyone else interesting so far?   Stacey seems sort of annoying.  OH... and Rick - the rancher.  I love him.  He's awesome at the challenges so far, very strong.  But we'll see how he puts up with the young whippersnappers.  And, if he makes it that far, the gay ex-cop.  Same for Baby Hantz.  If Baby can't deal with a lingerie football player, how is he going to handle Papa Bear? 

Soooo... Papa Bear.  I'm not sure I can call him that.  As my husband said, "Who gives themselves a nickname?"  True.  I suppose maybe other people out in the world call him Papa Bear... at any rate, that's what he's become.  (Real name = Mark in case anyone cares.)  I do like PBear for the record.  He's clever and is playing the part very well.  He knows he's the oldest one, so what needs to be his role?  Caring, older, father figure?  Check.  Funny, easy-going friend?  Check.  Hard working ex-cop?  Check.  Dude's going to be a competitor - trust. 

Jim - the medical marijuana dispenser (again, that is a JOB in the US?) is not going to get far.  He's abrasive already and annoying.  He's already told us how rich he is and I don't even remember... something about winning a bunch of poker tournaments, blah, blah, blah.  Insert eyeroll here.  For a guy who plays poker, you'd think he'd conceal his OWN eyeroll a bit better when Semhar lost them the challenge.  Caused a fight. Good way to start out.  No one wants to go up against him yet, but I'm thinking Jesus de la Jungle isn't going to put up with his alpha male competition for much longer.

There are some other alpha males around too... Keith, who didn't say much yet, and Albert (on the blue team) who also hasn't said much yet.  Ummmm... Albert is a "baseball/dating coach".... What?  Again?  That is your JOB?  I'm starting to think my job is boring.  How do I become a "Professional Survivor Blogger"? Anyone?

Dawn.... poor thing had an episode... you know, there's always someone who freaks out a little when the reality hits them that there's no bathroom facilities or Outback Steakhouse.  She's a Mormon mom of 6 (!!) and maybe a bit sheltered... but ultimately pulled it together & I think she'll be fine.  She looks super fit and actually seems like she's got some skills in the people department (you'd have to with six kids, non?) so I'm sorta pulling for her.  Just no more wigging out, Dawn! 

Elyse... not much said by her last night except that she's Native American and hopes that her ancestors will help her out... Can't wait til she meets Coach! 

And John... or "Cochran" as he wants to be known (because all my boyfriend Jeff's favourites are called by their last names.... Mariano, Donaldson, etc.)  He's a HUGE Survivor geek - probably more than even I am... which is saying a lot.  He's a super white, thin, nerdy dude, but generally likeable.  Made WAY too big a deal about getting in his underwear to go swimming.  We get it, you have body image issues.  But, ummm... you've seen the show, right?  Should really expect this.  Maybe hit the tanning booth before going to the South Pacific?  Anyway, it was somewhat endearing... UNTIL it seemed that he might get voted off first at which point he threw a bit of a hissy fit and got all paranoid and crazy.  Then he became annoying and I no longer cared if he was voted off first.  Would rather have seen him work to stay instead of complaining... but maybe it was the editing?  We'll see.  I want to like him. 

But it seems to be Ozzy that's in control to some extent.  Can I just say for a sec how I'd really like both him and Coach to cut their Fabio-inspired hair?  It's icky.  I think Ozzy should be able to hang around for quite a while if he doesn't do anything too stupid. 

He wanted to keep Semhar last night, but wisely bowed to the group, who wanted her gone.  Semhar was the annoyingest of the bunch for sure.  OK, you're a poet.  Strike one.  You don't do much work around camp - strike two.  You got in a fight with Marijuana dude.  Strike three.  But her ultimate undoing was the fact she said she could throw coconuts into a basket and failed miserably.  Threw like, two and was SO TIRED.  Just couldn't even underhand one to the basket.  We get it, you're tired, but at least look like you're trying and not totally lame.  On her way out the door, Jesus Jungle says, "I should have taught her how to make a fire."  True dat.  She went off to Redemption Island and cried and cried about how mean her teammates were... wah.  I won't be sad if she gets the boot at Redemption Island... which she probably will if she has to lift anything heavier than a coconut.  Maybe there'll be a poetry contest? 

Oh yeah, and my boyfriend Jeff won another Emmy for being such a great TV host.  Yep.  He's cool and I like his new teal shirt.  You?